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sand_man sand_man is offline
"I wuz the liquor..."
 
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Cooterville, Cackalacky
Posts: 6,405
Thumbs up RarlyL8 Motorsports - My Appreciation Thread (and other such nonsense)

*WARNING: This thread opener will be long and is long overdue. If you're interested in my shame, read on.

Um, hi everybody. Um, my name is Jeff, and I have an exhaust fetish. I, uh, golly this is embarrassing, I like to play with them. I like to look at them. I like to listen to them. I'm not really sure how I got here. Suffice it to say, EVERY car that I've ever owned - new/old, nice/sh&tty, fast/slow - I've always managed to "undo" what highly skilled engineers designed for my car, in the way of a "factory" exhaust system. Always that little voice would nag me. I tried to resist these evil urges, but the voice would say things like:

Quote:
"Go ahead, do it."...
"Pull it off"...
"Take it off, Jeff"...
"You don't need that"...
"Look at it, Jeff, JUST LOOK AT IT, it's heavy and restrictive and hideous"...
"It's too quiet"...
"Go ahead, Jeff, touch the pipes. Feels good, doesn't it? Yeah, go ahead mess around, it'll be our little secret. Get your tools, Jeff...no, the other tools"
"Yeah, that's it..uh huh, oh yeah, wow that's good, mmmmm, oh, that's much better"
And so my downward spiral deepened. Finally, destiny brought me to my next victim...Porsh 930.

This time things would be different. I'd get that monkey off my back and kick this habit. I'd be normal. This time, my car came with B&B headers and a B&B muffler. This time the work was done. I could just enjoy the car. No more exhaust toiling for me. And things were fine...for a little while. Then the levy broke.

That B&B muffler began to look mighty big and heavy. Why...why did it have to be so big? And the voice was back! Our first conversation went something like this:

Quote:
"Hello Jeff, been a long time. Miss me? You remember those turbo powered race cars from the '70s and '80s that you used to watch at Sebring and Daytona when you were a kid? Yeah, they ran these little elbow shaped pipes called Zork tubes, right off the turbo. That's all you need"
A search revealed that the voice was right and that (at the time) Fabspeed made just such a thing. It didn't take long for the B&B suitcase sized muffler to find it's way to the Island of Misfit Porsche Parts. The zork was on. MMMMM, zork. Boy did I love to polish my zork. What a sound. What a team we were. Me and my zork. ZORK! Scaring children and woodland creatures...we knew no boundaries. We were loners...rebels! "LOUD PIPES SAVE LIVES", I'd yell, as we blazed past another Type-R, V-tech powered thingy with Nawz and a pipe big enough to make Mandingo blush!

But as is so often the case, the zork was too much of a good thing. I was hated by neighbors. Co-workers despised the way I tripped their car alarms as I idled past in the parking garage. Police began to take notice. And I noticed something else: EVERYONE was staring at me!!!!! Men in their mini-vans would nudge their wives and say, "look at that douche in the loud Porsh...what an azz! Who does he think he is, Peter Gregg?" "Hey Hans Stuck, your car sounds like a broken tractor", they'd yell at me as their kids quietly watched "Finding Nemo", in the back seat.

And so began the worst exhaust binge I'd ever experience. Like Jack the Ripper terrorizing the whores of London, I went through a harem of exhausts. All I wanted was a zork with a small muffler. You know, just to take the edge off. THAT'S ALL I WANTED! Once you've had a taste of zork you can never go back. I'm so ashamed. The following products found their way on and off my car in short order:
-B&B single that came with my car: don't call me, I'll call you
-Fabspeed single: nice but no cigar
-Monty: hhhmmm not bad
-Original Factory muffler: no soup for you, Hanz and Franz
-Custom Borla: meh...BORING

What was I gonna do? My wife and kids were getting suspicious. "What is dad doing out there?"..."Honey, you coming to bed?"..."Honey it's thanksgiving, can you come in from the garage and carve the turkey?"..."Hey dad, since you've been awake all night in the garage, did you see Santa?"

Something had to happen and quick. I was beginning to fit the profile of a tweaker trying to hide a meth addiction!
__________________
-jeff
back in the saddle: '95 993 - just another black C2
*SOLD*: '87 930 GP White - heroin would have been a cheaper addiction...
"Ladies and Gentlemen, from Boston Massachusetts, we are Morphine, at your service..." - Mark Sandman (RIP)
Old 11-08-2008, 03:51 AM
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