My mother passed away and I’m the trustee. Where do I start to manage their affairs?
 

I’ve already contacted their attorney and have an appointment to go over her will. Who else should I contact? Social security? We buried my mom today. I lost one of my heroes and I’m sad.

I'm sorry for your loss.

rjp

I could mumble a few things about what to do, but I'd just say to pay attention to your attorney.
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It's hard to lose a parent, I know. You obviously were close to yours.
Give yourself permission to feel as badly as you do...grieving is healing.
Best,

The specific steps vary greatly based on the size of the estate, how complicated it is to administer, and the state of residence.

My dad died 12 years ago, he was essentially indigent, owed way more than he had, had few heirs, very little in liquid assets, and lived in Tennessee. It still took me a year of court dates to resolve everything.

Talk with the lawyer, it will be worth more than the speculation we can give you. Your state laws may require very different procedures than what any of us have experienced.

Thank you guys.

Sorry to hear this. Very sad.

Condolences. Just work with her attorney. You'll need to order a bunch of death certificates to send to the various banks, utilities, insurance cos...

I worked with the funeral director for the death certificates. He recommended getting 3 only as financial institutions will make a copy and give me back the original.

But it takes time to get those back. Especially if she had investments with banks that aren't local.

Good point

I know it sounds painful but contact organisations she does business with and tell them to close accounts, tell the dentist - no reminders. If she lived alone make sure her house doesn't burgled. I've been through all this myself.

There is so much to do!!

Thanks everyone.

When my aunt and my grandmother passed, I ordered 20 death certificates, and used almost all of them. Better to have extras, than to have to order more.

My condolences. There is plenty of time to get things done. Take a few days and be with your family.

You will need to make an inventory of assets with values House, bank accounts, stocks, car, etc., and creditors credit cards, mortgage, car loan, cable, electric, gas, phone company, etc. to give to the attorney in order to probate the estate. The assets will need to move out of your mothers name to the rightful heirs. Creditors will need to get paid and the accounts closed. I agree you need more than three death certificates. I recently probated my uncles estate, I had three full DC's and six partial I used everyone. While you have been named in the will as the executor some states need to approve you as the representative of the estate (FL) that takes a few weeks.

One issue I had with my uncles estate was closing a bank account that had my uncle and his ex-wife's names on it. She pre-deceased him. The bank account had the same last name but after the divorce she went back to her maiden name. I had a very difficult time getting a DC from the state of California as I had very limited information on her and getting the bank to accept it as the names didn't match. Also be forewarned any bank account that has multiple names on it even as a signor, the survivors on that account automatically get the money in the account. You will need to have the survivor on the account close the account.

But again, take a few days for yourself the estate can wait and the attorney will guide you.

Best of luck.

Been there sorry for your loss . Get at least 10 - 12 copies of the death certificate as everyone needs proof as you go through the process of closing/stopping accounts .

I am sorry for your loss. It can seem like everything is happening at once, but there is time to take care of it all. Spend some time honoring her life and worry about the business stuff in a week or so.
One mistake that I made was to close Mom's checking account a month or so after her death. She was still getting random refunds from insurance companies, etc for months. Keep her checking account open for a year.

My condolences. I'm not looking forward to the day. I hope to have some time still.

First off, you have my condolences. My MIL passed suddenly about a month ago. It is a very difficult time and you need to focus on family.

Are you the trustee or executor? This is important. If you are truly the trustee (her assets are assigned to a trust), you will need a good probate attorney and they will guide you through the process. Otherwise, her will is hopefully pretty clear and an estate attorney can help you through your role.

All the best in your handling of her assets!

^^^
Why would he need a probate attorney if he might be the trustee? Don't trusts spell out what's what?
Isn't that the point of a trust...to avoid probate/attorney?
Not being an ass, just curious.

Sorry for your loss.

Listen to your attorney.

Visit the bank and meet with the manager. Get them on your team.

Shut down lines of credit, you never know who has her card on file, like one of her Dr's, who will charge the card for a missed appointment, an appointment she missed because she died the morning of the appointment and the Dr's office manager insists you should have called right away to cancel as if that would have been the first thing on your mind had you even known about the appointment to begin with.

Get more than 3 death certificates, you'll end up using them. I got a dozen, still have a couple for the odd things that pop up years later.

Don't let creditors bully you into resolving things outside your timeframe / comfort zone. Threats of "it will hurt his credit rating" will be thrown around, simply respond, "he does not care, he's got bigger problems, he's dead".

Again, my condolences.

They may spell out what's what but they don't spell out "the how the **** do I deal with THIS issue"

There is a difference between knowing WHAT needs to be done and knowing HOW to do what needs to be done.

^^^
I get that...but a probate attorney was suggested...he already has an attorney.

My sincere condolences CD. It took me a long time to clear my Moms affairs but she died without a will. If you are acknowledged as trustee in her will and there is no challenge to that then you'll be fine.

But mourn your loss first! If there is an estate to settle you do indeed have a lot to do. Others have chimed in with good tips but do take care of yourself first.

Unfortunately, if it is a trust he will have to go through probate.

A quick story. When my MIL died, a financial advisor had recommended earlier that they establish a trust for their assets to ensure that if one predecessed the other the survivor couldn’t go against the will of the deceased. They did. When she passed, suddenly all of his accounts and assets were frozen until they go through probate (now set for mid-July) in order to determine what assets belong to him vs. the trust. The whole thing is a bit of a nightmare for him.

After having a RLT drawn up, this is not my understanding.
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"One of the primary purposes of forming a revocable living trust is to avoid probate. Making a trust isn't all that complicated to accomplish, and you can rest assured knowing that your estate and your beneficiaries won't get bogged down in a court-supervised probate process after your death."
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Assets Held in a Revocable Trust Bypass Probate
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https://www.thebalance.com/how-does-a-revocable-living-trust-avoid-probate-3505224

Sorry for your loss.

I was the executor of my dad's will. Mom died 6 years before dad died.

I called my attorney and brought the will and any documents I could find. He walked me the steps. He was at the courthouse regularly and he set up a time for me to appear before a judge. I had to swear to follow the directions in the will. We went upstairs with the judges orders and the clerk made several "official copies" with stamps on them for me, for a fee of course.

With that judges order called some weird legal term that I don't remember, the banks would talk to me. Before that they acknowledged I was the executor, and that dad did indeed have an account and even a safety depot box. They would tell me nothing of what was in the accounts or even the number of the safety deposit box. With the judges order, or that funny named document, I was golden.

I had to have access to a scanner, fax, and copier to perform the duties of the executor and it took a lot of work. In the end everything went smoothly and the estate was closed.

Just listen to the attorney. Hopefully you have one that is a good one. Remember it is a fact, one half of all the attorneys graduated in the bottom half of the class. Don't hire that one that just squeaked through.

Don I agree with you and that was my experience as well.
But Probate and Trust laws vary from state to state.
State laws change occasionally so your Trust should be reviewed occasionally.
A trust that works in California does not work in Colorado.
In some states it appears Probate is part of the process.

My mom had a trust, we met with her lawyer a few times before she passed from cancer.
Before my mom passed the lawyer had already given me a short list of where the assets were and who to call to resolve/dissolve the accounts.
Our trust worked well.
But while my mom was still alive it required pre-planning and a few expensive visits to the lawyer that wrote the trust.
It is a difficult issue planning for your parents passing away.

"With that judges order called some weird legal term that I don't remember, the banks would talk to me. Before that they acknowledged I was the executor, and that dad did indeed have an account and even a safety depot box. They would tell me nothing of what was in the accounts or even the number of the safety deposit box. With the judges order, or that funny named document, I was golden."

That would probably be the document known as "Letters of Testamentary".

1) The bank isn't going to shut down an account because they noticed an obituary in the newspaper or someone mentioned the passing of someone else. They'll need a copy of the death certificate to do that. And once they have that, unless you or someone else is a co-owner of the account, the bank will shut down access to the account.

2) Any accounts that list beneficiaries such as CD's or Life Insurance---listed beneficiaries will always trump the will.

3) I would be surprised if ANY State in the U.S. of A. allowed skipping the probate process with or without a Trust. Part of the probate process is publishing a notice of the death in the local newspaper to put creditors on notice to come forward.

4) I agree with the others on the number of death certificates you will probably need. A lot more than 3. In the past, I needed one from the State of Louisiana. Looked to be like a 6-8 WEEK process after applying for the cert. Through absolute luck, persistence and talking to the right people I found one Parish Courthouse that could take the application in person, search the State vital records and print the certified copy of the death certificate while I stood at the counter. Maybe a 15 minute process. Spendy compared to waiting the several weeks, but sometimes time is money.

5) Do your homework on what needs to be done. Google is your friend in this case. Talk to friends that have gone through the process. In my instance, I wound up having a friend who used the same attorney as my families Executor and my friend told me how to handle his particular personality-----ask him a question, let him answer, then repeat the answer back to him and make sure you are on the same page. Regardless, I wouldn't expect to find ANY attorney that will simply "coach" you on how to handle the process.

6) IF you are an only child, thank your lucky stars. Otherwise, get ready to endure the real character of your loving siblings. That alone is probably the most difficult part of the process, second to grieving the loss of your parent.

I'm very sorry for your loss.....I cannot fathom how much that hurts.

I'm sure she knew she was loved and will now live forever in your heart.

Take care, brother....stay strong......

Surprised as a fellow Ca. resident you would find probate acceptable?

With pre-planning and by consulting lawyers in the state that the assets are held
no one in our family has had to suffer probate.
Protect your assets get a trust now and update it occasionally.

A Will tells us the wishes of the deceased.
The Trust is the legal mechanism for making those wishes reality.
Probate will do the same after months of delays and additional legal fees.

I am sorry for your loss. may your mother rest in peace:(

I've personally experienced the "flip side" of your views on a Trust, and I have spoken about it in the past on this forum. Give me a minute.....

A Will is one thing, a Trust is a whole separate matter. In my families instance, the Will simply designated the Executrix to handle the trust. This was the case with my 99 year old Aunt, a long time widow with no children. I, along with her 2 brothers of age 89 and 91 cold called the long time "lady at the bank" one day after the probate period and asked her if my Aunt even had a will. She said she did not know. I said to my dad and uncle that if she did have a will that it would probably be recorded at the County Courthouse. The banker lady' eyes took a very different look. 30 minutes later at the Courthouse I had a copy of the Will. And the lady we just cold called....she was named as the Executrix of the Trust in the Will. Even had her signature. At death, the estate became the trust. And the bank and the banks lawyer managed to abscond about a half a million dollars from a 99 year old woman where apparently none of the family were designated as beneficiaries of the Trust, and the court ruled that since the family, being brothers and next of kin, that filed the lawsuit against the bank were not named beneficiaries, they had no recourse on finding out how the money in the Trust was paid out. My Aunt was a very secretive lady. She was sold on the whole idea that the Trust would be secretive to the probate of her estate process. I was more than certain her church was a beneficiary to the Trust. I asked her Preacher for info. He took it up with the Elders. They decided that since my Aunt was "so secretive in life, it was their intent to have her remain secretive in death". In the end, the bank sold her 18k worth of jewelry through an on-line auction. So much for being secretive.
It's a very long story. I went to the States Attorney General' Vulnerable Adults unit with no resolve and I even went and sat down with the FBI to no resolve. The latter spent what, 42 years and 5 million dollars to try and figure out how DB Cooper made off with half as much money?
So the moral of the story is IF you go with a Trust, leave $10 to a friend named as a beneficiary to make sure everything went down on the up and up. There's a reason the local community based non profit charitable organizations print brochures and leave them on the coffee tables in the communal areas of nursing homes. And when you find the one brochure and do a little investigating to find that the banks lawyer and a member of the banks Trust department are on the Board of Directors of said charitable organization you start to smell the rats.


Last edited by SCadaddle; 09-29-2016 at 12:46 AM..

Yea, that was it!

My brother was the only other sibling, and he was totally cool, and let me run everything and trusted me 100% for good reason. No shenanigans of any sort, and dad's wishes were carried out. My brother lives in another state 900 miles away.

interesting, thank you for sharing.
Estate planning can be a minefield of problems.

For example.
Someone gets a trust but forgets to put their biggest asset the house in the trust.

Or typical with no trust...
In Probate the house belonging to the deceased is held up for months in limbo...
you continue to make the house payments but you can not rent out the house while waiting for the results of Probate.

Thank you everyone. Mom was very special indeed. She was extremely organized and had binders for everything to help me and brothers go through my parent's affairs. Still daunting the amount of detail i have to wade through.

My parents have an irrevocable living trust and I am the trustee. My step dad has kids who may be trying to get a piece of the action now that my mom is gone but the trust specifically leaves them out. My parents were together for 45 years.

Definitely a case to have a good attorney!

Also, your attorney will need to file the estate tax return. IIRC, you will have 9 months to do that.

Property held in trust does not pass through probate. That’s the point of having a trust.