^^^ This is the key Matt. ...But do it before your daughter gets to middle school.

Absolutely.

I moved from SoCal to South Carolina in my junior year in HS, 1975. As an athlete the move was very easy for me. That is just how it works out...immediate group of peers.

My parents divided the family for a year: My Mom and two older sisters stayed on the small ranch in Cali so the older sister closest in age to me could finish HS, which I thought, still do, smart.

My oldest sister stayed on and graduated from Cal Lutheran in Thousand Oaks.

We discussed me staying the extra year and then having me live with family friends for my senior year. I was the one who quashed that idea. Move me now, let's get started at the new place.

My Dad and I rented an apartment in Aiken, SC until the rest of the squad showed up.

It worked out for all of us. We were all older than your kids, Matt, but it wasn't that daunting. A lot depends on where you are thinking of relocating. I know the job market for aerospace folks is hotter than hot in South Carolina. I am speaking at the South Carolina Aerospace Conference for the third time this year (https://southcarolinaaerospaceconference.com/) and all anyone talks about is attracting talent.

You going?:D

In my situation, as a Navy Pilot, I made definitive career decisions to enable both my wife's career and location stability for my two children. I was also able to husband my opportunities. I think those options are rare these days.

The important thing in my mind is to make sure (I know you and your wife will but it bears emphasis) that you communicate with your kids the reason and rationale behind the move.

You'll do great wherever you go, Matt (you are a beast)...do some ground work and so will your family.

Thanks all for the perspective, fantastic as usual. Important to note that this is just me talking, I have no imminent opportunity nor has the bomb been dropped by my oldest that he is interested in a different school. But I see signs of it on the horizon, and he isn't the only one. Sad that our investment in private school isn't yielding more fruit, but that's life sometimes.

As the son of a career USN surface officer, we moved roughly 10 times by the time I was 11, the last being to Northern VA for my fathers Pentagon and Cyrstal City stints.

I did not move again until I went to Iowa for college 7 years later. My father turned down some opportunities to keep us in one place for my HS years and I am thankful for that.

Now, with that being said, moving was the best thing for me as it forced me to not be introverted and go out and make new friends. This has translated into my professional career in a very positive way.

Of course with all that social media crap nowadays, everything is different.

Moving is hard, but if you have your families support, and like Paul has mentioned the sports make it easier for your kids to "fit in", then I say don't be afraid to seriously consider doing it.

Up until I entered the 7th grade, my dad got promotions as frequently as yearly or every two years, so we moved about 5 times between Kindergarten and 7th grade. That meant in elementary school, almost every year, I was introduced as the new kid in the class/school. So I had to learn in new environments and learn to meet new people. It benefited me in the long term.

You know it's funny, I've sometimes wondered if by trying to give my kids stability I'm actually depriving them of a critical skill. In the real world nothing is stable. Jobs change, friendships change, you move homes and sometimes cities or states. Learning how to deal with and thrive in that environment is critical in the real world. Generally speaking my kids have never had to deal with that.

Or maybe I'm just rationalizing. Dunno.:cool:

Every kid is different. My older sister was outgoing and cute. She quickly made new friends with the popular kids and was Sophomore Princess in her first year. My little sister struggled and looked for the easy approval from the bad boys. I became an island. Still to this day. I can move, make friends, then move again never to be seen or heard from again. I detach easily. It's the same with military brats. It's rarely a happy childhood.

You're not talking about bouncing your kids around. It's likely just one move before they go to college. Do it before they get to high school.

Not rationalizing at all, just weighing up the positives

We did it with our kids, not only moved house and school but moved country and language too, best thing we ever did for ourselves as a family

It wasn't an easy choice to leave everything you know and are familiar with but my wife and I decided if we didn't do it we would never do it and would always regret not doing it

As others have said on here do it before high school as all the other kids won't have found their individual groups by then which is harder for new kids to break into.

Your kids will thank you for it and you'll be a stronger. tighter family because of it

My wife and I would like to do one more move, hopefully to the USA but this can wait until our kids have finished high school/college

we moved several times when I was a kid and I got over it pretty quick each time. couple years in each place. when I was 12 we moved from a Baltimore suburb to a resort town. I think the key was not being in one place too long. never had those decade long bonds to break.

if your kiddos have been in one area for a long time it might be a bit tougher.

I too was not terribly clear on your reasoning behind uprooting but I'd think if the kids are down with it then they are probably pretty miserable where they are. I think my kids would stage a riot if I came home and said 'pack it up we're gonna try a different place'.

as an adult I do not handle change terribly well. we've got good friends in our neighborhood and if one of us were to leave I'm pretty sure at this point after a decade of hunting, fishing, drinking and watching our kids play sports together I'd have a very tough time with it.

just offering that as a reference point for my opinion on moving the kids. Craig T did the same and I think it's probably good to have some insight into the posters mental state on the issue.

So to clarify, overall things are good with the kids. They are popular, good friends, do well in school and sports, etc. The high school that my oldest is headed to is turning out to be a major joke, hence the departure of our friends and probably more to come. So IF the point comes where we start discussing a different school, which I sense is coming, I would like to consider all options. At this point I would say that location is hindering my career progression and satisfaction, and if I’m going to move a kid to another school why not look somewhere with better career prospects? But the biggest hesitation is the fact that I would be the major push behind moving. Sure it would be to give my family a better life, but there’s a selfish aspect as well that nags at me.

When my ex wife and I amicably split the kids were 14 and 16. We were going to stay together until they were in college, blah, blah but our therapist advised different. She said if we handled it well, they would be fine and better off than if we drop this on them when they were out of the house in college.

I realize this isn't a divorce but some of her advice may help. Our biggest concern in all of this was how it would impact them. She said they would be fine if we did or didn't do the following;

1) Don't change their living situation on top of the divorce change, etc. I left them in the family home, in their schools and I moved within walking distance. The kids and dogs went back and forth each week.

2) Don't use them as weapons in any kind of dispute we had or get them involved in our relationship issues. Wasn't an problem.

3) Do take care ourselves. Especially with respect to mental health, addiction issues, etc. We needed to stay healthy and happy. For the most part that ended fine. Their Mom did go a bit off of the rails at times but nothing too drastic.

The divorce part isn't in the mix and I assume any change you decide on, you and your wife will be on the same page.

Kids are generally resilient. If you provide stability in other areas, they will survive a move. If you have particular concerns about one of them (sounds like maybe your son) consult a professional and walk through the situation with them. Talk anything through with the kids. They aren't the decision makers but treat them like part of the team and let them know you value their input and anything you do is with their long term best interest at heart.

I think parents too often bend over backwards trying to protect the kids and forget about taking care of themselves and their relationships as adults. Happy well adjusted parents produce successful adults.

Mine are now 28 and 26. Both well adjusted and successful adults. The younger one married with a baby. The other will be married next May. They both are with solid people. I would consider a divorce at their ages a bigger curve ball than a move but everyone is different. You know your kids best. Good luck!

If the high school is turning out to be a joke from an academic standpoint, then I'd say it's definitely time for a move.
Our kids went to the 'unpopular' high school, if you will, out of the two we had a choice of sending them to, because it excelled academically (those Asian kids eat their books) and they were better off for it in the end. We're talking public schools, not private.

"The oldest is athletic, smart, good looking, popular, but reserved, he was our biggest concern with regards to relocation."
~~~~~~~~~
I would think that if your boy is socially reticent, reserved, he just may be even more uncomfortable in a new environment.
I admire your considerations about your boy, Matt.
A tough challenge.

My advice is move on your own, see how the job works out for a few months. Rent a house for a year, by that time you'll have a better feeling for the area.

Make frequent trips back home and progress things gradually.

Moving is a big investment for a family. Not all places I moved to were good.

Relocating seems to be uniquely American, or more prevalent here. East Coast (except FL) is tough to break in socially. West is the easiest, everyone is transient. Colorado and further West are ideal for relocation.

Socially, this goes double for the kids. The older they are the more difficult the move will be.

Small towns are the worst to relocate to, unless your parents live there, or you grew up there.

That said, if I could do it again I'd have stayed in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia and skipped the Midwest.

I moved my senior year of high school after having gone through the entire school system at our small town in CT. I knew everyone in our class and most of the other two.

The new school was like a prison (Dunwoody outside Atlanta). A square box with three floors and 8th through 12th grades.

I met kids that moved their senior or junior year as well and had a good time. Never went back to any reunions though and lost touch with most friends over the last 40 years.

We moved our kids 4-5 times due to work.
They adjusted well. The oldest finished USC three years ago and is on her own with a great job. Our youngest graduated from Yale last spring and joins the Navy in the fall. They both swim year-round, so that kept him busy outside of school. It also helped them to meet new friends.

Kids are resilient and you/mom have done a great job raising them. They will do great wherever you go.

I didn't like moving my kids, but we moved them just the same (the new homeowners didn't want them anyway). I always feared all the moves might have negative consequences but, now grown, they all think it was a good thing, as it gave them a perspective on life that few of their friends had the benefit of. Also, in these days of social media, they've been able to keep their relationships with many of those friends fresh even though they're scattered across the country (or the world in a few cases).

_

I’ve got no advice on the kids aspect Matt, but as always if you find yourself looking at AZ we are happy to answer any questions.

^^^^ spot on...and kids will thrive if you stay right where your roots, family, and lifestyle make you happy too!
Greener grass....kiss my "rat's hiney" ;)

.....just another perspective Matt, no kids, but I've always been happy here and moved back after a decade away as a kid/young professional....knowing I was returning asap. Would not want to move to another area now...life is good :)

I grew up with a father that was in the Air Force. We moved 8 times in 12 years of school, never bothered me. I have friends all over the world.

The kids will adjust better than you think.