My Uncle
 

I'm in Minnesota for some sad family business, my stepdad who turns 87 this month is in rapidly declining health and I wanted to spend a little time w him. We have never had the closest of relationships but he was a fantastic husband to my mom for the last 45 years until her death in Feb.'18 and I'm eternally grateful for that.

I want to help him out in any way I can but it's questionable how much he will accept it. At least I'm trying.

I only have one set of aunt/uncles left alive and it's my dad's younger sister and her husband. My uncle JG is 91 and took a bad fall last year and broke his neck. Remarkably, he survived and recovered somewhat but has lost a lot of mobility so they had to sell their beautiful home in suburban Minneapolis and move into assisted living. My aunt is 10 years younger than him and in excellent health but she isn't strong enough to lift him if he goes down, etc. He's in a wheelchair most of the time.

I went and had dinner w them at the new place last night, (a really nice assisted living in Edina), had a great time yapping about various cousins and some family history. We have a huge extended family so this could go on forever. :) My uncle enlisted in the Navy when he turned 18 in 1945 and the war promptly ended while he was in training for his service job, aviator communications. His amazing luck continued through life, marrying the love of his life and having 9 healthy children, (we're Catholic). He attended St. Thomas Academy, an excellent Catholic military HS in St. Paul that is an ROTC school so 100% of the grads went straight into the service and the HS classes immediately prior to his were decimated in WW2.

He has led an exemplary life like most guys of his generation, he has scored 10.0 as a husband and father. One son played hockey for U of Minnesota, (big deal around here), one son played baseball for "the U", another was a Navy pilot, daughter who is an accomplished artist, about 100 grandchildren and many great grandchildren now. Just a total win.

Still, the end is sad. To see the man lose all physical strength and have to depend on others is brutal. To call this guy physically and mentally tough would be the understatement of the century. He was built like Popeye and I swear that up until about age 88, he could still kick my ass. I had to lift him into his chair last night after he slipped trying to do it himself. He is the type who laughs at adversity and raising 9 good kids was just no big deal.

The best part of all, though, is the relationship I have w him now. My aunt has always loved me because aunts just do and we are blood. As a long-haired, stoner teenager, he did not exactly admire me and made no effort to hide it. The dislike was mutual. He is extremely conservative. Somehow, 50+ years of life and the myriad experiences he has had have changed him and I'm not that young hesher anymore, either. He has openly gay grandchildren that he loves and a couple of his kids have even turned out liberal which I'm sure is a disappointment but family is everything to them and no one gets tossed aside.

What we both missed out on earlier in life is that he has a great wit and is an amazing conversationalist and I can actually tell a story sometimes myself. We laugh and hug every time I see them, it's a delight. Not sure why I typed this out other than to share a story of a good man living a great life. Everyone go out and live to the fullest today! :)

i cant go on a hunting trip, or cook a meal without missing my stepdad.

we had a rocky start as well. in a way, that let my younger brother gain the upper hand in getting along with him. they were buds, and i was always the "fringe".

in the end, i shut my face and really observed. he was so good to my mom, and really good to me as well. he taught me how to cook, and really understand a kitchen.

i wish your family well. best of luck to them. :)

Thanks for sharing.

Many of us can relate on several levels.

I didn't exactly like my step father most of the time and regardless of how well he treated my Mom...I still think he was a real dick much of the time.

But when he had his stroke....and then a few years later he and Mom had their automobile accident and he suffered a SH...and ended up in a hospital room - later dying from an infection at 90 years old....my feelings changed.

I'm bringing Mom over here later today for a visit and some BBQ. She's 96 and still going pretty strong. I think I will endeavour to say some nice things about her late husband - just to make her smile.

It's what we all strive for, and in this day/age is a rare thing that should be congratulated, and celebrated. I have been very lucky to have both pairs of parents/inlaws that are still very healthy at 75-80 years old, and have been married 58 years, and 53 years respectively. My brother and I have both been married 30+ years so I can't relate with the broken family aspect, but have kudos for your stepdad seeing it through.

I enjoyed reading that Denis....thanks for sharing with us!

Thanks for sharing Denis. My dad is going through similar stuff. He turns 90 in 2 months. He had double knee surgery to allow him to walk, ended up in a fall and became partially paralysed. A strong guy his whole life and he has been in a wheelchair for 4 years.

Fortunately, he lives in my neighborhood and I swing over a couple of times a week.

My wife's father died last December and he was similar - large family, farmer at times, strong guy. Died from being bed-ridden+cancer+broken hip

We may spar in PARF, but we all have aging parents and family. It is sad.

Quite a tribute, Denis. As the "old folks" of a family leave us, we gain that rank.

Did you give him a watch?

Me as well.

My father's side of the ledger has produced three grandchildren - as Catholics, we apparently didn't get the message on birth control:cool:

However, my mother's side of the register, starting with my grandfather, one of four Spanish Catholic boys, reads like "Fertility Monthly"...I have a spreadsheet, I kid you not, tracking the herd.

Full days. Your Uncle knows.

Thanks all and just to clarify, (because I might have mucked this up a little), I'm writing about 2 different people in the OP. First two paragraphs are my stepdad and then I jump to my uncle. Both are suffereing degenerative conditions based on advanced age and both I came to visit. :)

Thanks - that was beautiful....

Thanks for the good read Denis......I know he appreciates your efforts to be there with him now....Sorry about your mother.

I envy those with close family relationships.........

Thanks for sharing, Denis.

I think the older we get the more we come to realize that life is really all about the people we get to share it with. To love and respect those we make this journey with is what it's all about.

Denis, enjoy the time you spend with them. Cherish the memories.

They may be losing strength, but how are their mental faculties? IMHO, one of the cruelest ways to go is via dementia/Alzheimers. My grandma grew up dirt poor, and didn't have much schooling, but she was one of the smartest ladies I knew. Dementia started kicking in in her 90s and it was devastating to see her go downhill. I put her in a care home a block away from me, and towards the end, it was difficult to see her in that condition.

A good friend and business mentor came down with dementia a couple years ago and from a vibrant, smart, man of steel, he became a frail old man in several months.

Thank you. We don't often see the good in people

Thank you Denis. It was an outstanding read!