Is it normal to still be grieving 6 months after parent’s death?
 

My mother passed away 6 months ago and not a day goes by that I don’t think about her and feel really sad. Thanksgiving was tough. Christmas will be even harder. I just wasn’t ready to see her go. I guess one is never really ready even though all the signs were there. I took her to the ER but I thought I’d bring her back home after a few hours. She didn’t leave the hospital alive. I guess I’m glad all of us kids and her grandkids got to spend time with her before she passed.

yes.

each persons time frame is different...when it is time for you to move on you will. the first year is tough as you will remember, "Geez last Thxgiving mom was sitting right over there and we were ..." As time goes on the hole where that person stood will be filled in as life goes on, but you will never stop missing that person.

You have to work through all of your feelings about her...that takes time for someone so important in your life as a Mom...If you try and circumvent working through those feelings it will come back and haunt you later...they will not be resolved and they will not go away..

Can't say....both of mine are getting up there and I haven't dealt with it...yet. You sound like a perfectly normal, loving, son who's still coping....and the holidays are gonna suck...

Time.will...cliche, but true. Think of her....and smile through the tears...be well.

Yes, sadness will be replaced with all the good memories after time.

Not the same by any means, but I lost my little paralyzed dog to cancer two years ago and I think about him almost daily.

Hang in there and maybe do some of the special holiday rituals you used to do with her with other friends and family.

Best,
Rutager

It took about a year for me to start not feel super sad after my dad passed. He died much younger than he really should have and it hit me very hard. After about a year the pain faded a lot and I was able to have memories with out that stabbing feeling of loss. Give it some more time.

Yes it is normal to be thinking about the loss of a loved one after six months. I am sorry to hear of your loss. My dad died aged 52 and my mother age 94. I miss them both and still think about my mother every day. Time heals somewhat. I tell my older sister that she is the connection to my deceased mother that I have left. Time to huddle with siblings if you have any.

This is certainly a very personal issue. How we grieve is ours alone as individuals. I watched both of my parents suffer for years before they died. That's the part that made me sad. Their release from their pain was a relief from the sorrow I felt due to their suffering and the sorrow I felt due to their passing was eased by the fact that I had so long a time to prepare for their absence. Of course being at their side when they died was a great blessing as well.


Miss them and honor them in your own way, and remember that they really only ever wanted you to be happy.

I had to invoke my dads living will order of no heroic measures, he was brain damaged and would have to live the rest of his days in a nursing home with a feeding tube. Exactly what he didn't want.
That F'ed me up for a long time.

My mom's 90 and has vascular dementia, she has lived with us (in-law apartment) for the last 10 years and she goes into a nursing home this tuesday. Sucks but she has become such a drain on the family, and it's only going to get worse, that it has to be done.
She fell and broke her knee cap a week ago so her admission got jumped up to crises status, everything happening so quick it has everyone upset.

That was an act of love coming from the strong and caring heart of a devoted son.

The grieving process is different for everyone there is no single right or wrong . As the old saying goes time heals all wounds . My dad passed away in 1995 and my mom in 2005 and hardly a week goes by where I catch myself thinking about them . I am no longer sad my moments are remembering the good times . I sometimes even ask my dad for guidance on DIY projects :D .

Is there a family member or close friend you can talk to and confide in ? Sometimes just talking about your feelings is the start of the healing process . Good luck on your journey .

Sure didn't feel that way.

My dad passed 20 years ago. He died young (58)... It took me about 12 months to deal with it but it changed me.
I still think about him now.

That just means it was difficult, not that it was wrong or unheroic or not devoted / loving / compassionate.

I find I’m always my own worst critic and am naturally VERY hard on myself and second-guess myself a lot. Probably a lot of “high functioning” folks like you are like that too.

Give it time and hopefully with the passage of it you’ll realize it was the right call. You may always ask “what if” but there’s no use in speculating. You did the best you could with the information you had. You did exactly as you had been asked to and hopefully will realize that you did the kindest thing anyone could in that situation.

I think about this stuff a lot. My parents are getting up there and not doing so great. There are a couple of dark days coming. I hope I can be so strong as you were if I’m called upon.

Yes. Especially if that 6 months falls on the holidays.

It’s okay. Let it play out. Talk to someone that knew them about it.

I have noticed that people bind to other people in different ways.

People will react to the loss of those binds in different ways.

I would say it is not a bad thing, it means you did care.

I know people who did not care when their mom died, to me that is even sadder.

Very true. It is a path we navigate solo.

Both my parents died of cancer, each rather quickly after diagnosis.

My sisters and I had time to prepare and come to grips with the circumstances, which helped me. I am not sure my sisters feel the same way. The oldest in particular is still angry.

My Mother died in 1990...there have been times since then that I feel her loss acutely: Birth of grandchildren, her birthday, certain instances where I wish I could share a moment I know she would have appreciated.

I don't view those times as grieving, just a short period of profound sadness at opportunities lost, a kind, beautiful soul gone too early. I don't think this will ever change nor do I wish it to.

Best, cantdrv55.

My wife lost her mom just over a year ago. After grief counselling for her and my son, they are both doing much better although there are times when they have very sad moments while remembering mom/grandma.
Everyone is different.
My dad turned 90 on Friday. Living with dementia has been tough on him and my mom who until recently was caring for him. While I will be sad when he passes, it truly will be a blessing. A life well lived.

Yes! Lost my mother three years ago. Still miss her dearly!😞

I expect grieving for your parents the rest of your life would be normal, at least some of the time. Mom says holidays are the worst for her.

What if you had a kid die. I know a doctor, his 12 year old daughter died in his arms. Had a bite of a rice crispy treat that had peanut butter, she knew immediately, because, sharp kid, gave herself the shot. Second one that he had right after and it did not work.

I can't imagine.

I don't think you have reason to be concerned. My Mom passed in 2011.
In the time since she left, my emotions have ebbed and flowed. Good and bad, but always there.
At times she's very close to my thoughts and that gives me comfort. Other times...not so much.
Press on , Sir. Lean on us here, when needed.
Strength and Peace to you and yours.


Well done. Certainly not easy, but you did exactly what he DID want. Actions of strong character. But difficult all the same.


^+1


That's love speaking to you. Strength and Peace.



Sure is.

My Dad passed in August. Even with family and friends near, I rarely find peace when I'm with them.
It's the times alone that I process and understand the path.
I'm improving, but it's more like transitioning.

I'm not the man I was in July...and I'm ok with that.

There are 7 stages of Grieving:

SHOCK & DENIAL- You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief.
PAIN & GUILT- ...
ANGER & BARGAINING- ...
"DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS- ...
THE UPWARD TURN- ...
RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH- ...
ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-


There is no time line for any of this - and you got to work thru all of it.

My dad died in 94 and my mom in 98 - I still miss them.

I had a very hard time with my mom's death. She had Alzheimers for over 4 years. I lost here twice: once when she ceased to recognize me and when she finally passed. I sought help because I did not get closure I needed.

There is no harm is getting help.

I'm sorry for your loss.

This is a good thing...something not everyone has. Embrace it......

You should consider yourself lucky in some respects. I'm afraid to say my parents were distant and unengaging. As my sister put it, they devalued their children. When they passed I really didn't feel much, except for the fact parts of the family were gone. I have a few fond memories but not from my parents relations with us. My two sisters feel the same. So be happy you had the kind(s) of relationship(s) that engender the feeling of closeness you have.

This has turned into a regular wet hanky party..a leaky faucet has nothin on you Boyz.

**** you.

There are other threads you can ply your particular brand of douchbaggery.

This isn't one of them.

This.

It is normal but you need to stay busy in the meantime. That's what she probably would have wanted of you.
Let it all out, a little at a time. Some will be good. Some will be bad.
Write it down. Do something in her honor. Speak to the clouds. Anything. Turn it into something perhaps she would have done. Inspiration.
Keep her with you.

Yes, you are still going through your "year of firsts". And you are in the middle of the holiday season, a particularly rough time. It gets easier, but it never goes away.

May you find comfort, and her memory be a blessing to you

Six months isn't a long time to grieve at all.

It's OK to be sad, and it's OK to cry for no reason. It is also OK to smile. We miss people, and we feel sad about loosing them, but we don't have to hold on to that feeling to prove that we love them. We aren't built to be perpetually sad, and those feelings will fade as long as we honor them and experience them instead of stuffing them.

Someday you will look back and see the happy times. In the meantime, cherish the ones who are still close to you, and don't stop doing the things that make life worthwhile.

Hang in there, it gets better.

You edited.

It is a good thing that you can be so emotionally expressive.

The Op evoked the emotional memories of the readers.

Short answer, yes (as many expressed).

Take the time to heal, if it is too much for you consider getting grief counseling. It was a saving grace for me after my wife's accident. And your journey is your own. Only you can experience what you are feeling and even of we might have similar experiences and loss, this one is unique to you and your relationship to your dad.

And as said by others, there is no time limit for your grief. For me the loss of my father 2 years ago was maybe not that difficult (living on a different continent for 20 years and not seeing each other that often tends to put distance even in close relationships). And now, in the second year of losing my wife there's times that are much more difficult than the first year.

This is comparable to a fatal car accident as far as mental trauma.

Give some time.

For myself I find the 7 stages repeat in a loop. Not always in the same order or severity, but they are still there.

I was close to my mum and she died 31 years ago. I still miss her dearly. Dad died 20 years ago. Same deal. Death sucks.

That would be tough.

On grieving, I think no 2 situations are alike. Even with each parent. Was for me.

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I lost my father with no warning the morning of February 1st of this year. Massive heart attack. Fortunately, we had a very special and positive discussion over the phone the night before. Talking cars, planes, grandkids, making plans for Easter, etc. All no more.

He was my mentor, my cheerleader...my friend. As I crossed into my 40s and him into his 70th year, I was beginning to see a shift in our roles with one another with him now coming to me for advice and guidance or ideas to bounce off of. What a tremendous honor it was.

While I do ok day to day, when I find myself very stressed is when I get deeply saddened and wish he was here. Other times I get angry. Angry for him not taking better care of himself, angry at myself for not having the grandkids see more of him, and angry at the third-world level healthcare he received after relocating to the gulf coast of Florida (for shame). But most of the time I feel so thankful for having him as my dad and having the relationship we did.

I guess that’s a long way of saying to you, yes, it is perfectly normal. Hang in there.

Mom had a major stroke in 2005. Pretty much morned her passing then. Took care of what was left without sibling help for the next 11 years as she remembered less and less. Not much left to mourn when she actually passed.

I lost my Dad back in 2001. It really helped me to me to think of the positive times I had with him. I tried hard to focus on the positive moments of our relationship and how much he meant to me and so many other people. I still miss hime dearly but take comfort in the fact that he lives on in the very many people whose lives he touched.

I cry all over again.

He had scheduled for that Saturday the family reunion. But, because the Cowboy (as he was affectionately known by many) suddenly decided to ride off into the sunset (ruptured Abdominal Aortic Aneurism) our 31st Annual Family Reunion was also his wake and funeral at the farm (Hidden Valley).

The ironical* part is a couple weeks prior I had talked to my sister and told her that I had already mourned the passing of Fuzzy (as he was affectionately known by many) because of the AAA and that when he did finally leave us, my plan was not to cry. Well, though it was best laid, My Plan failed.

When Uncle Dave (as he was affectionately known by many) went to the fridge and there was no beer (or so he thought not having looked behind the milk), he keeled over-dead as a doornail. The shock was too much for the 81 year-old Grampa (as he was affectionately known by many-friends and family alike) that there was no beer.

So we had a big discussion over the following two days: hat-no hat. We deduced nobody would rekonize* him without it we asked the undertaker* to implevise* something so he could be laid out with his hat on. Over the mild objections of said undertaker, but with the exuberant blessings of Mom, he did a wonderful job, irregardless*. We still to this day, debate whether he looked alive when he was dead or if he looked dead when he was alive. Either way, the Old Fart (as he was affectionately known by many) looked like he was sleeping with his hat on. "Duh" we said. He did EVERYTHING with his hat on, according to Mom. So he sleeps with it on at this very moment.

Of course, we ran out of food because hundreds more than expected showed up for the funeral for Dad (as he was affectionately known by us). The Deputy (as he was affectionately known by the County Sheriff's Posse) was buried to the beautiful sound of my sister's rendition of Amazing Grace, followed by the mournful bugling of Taps and the solemn presentation by the US Navy and a grateful nation of the American Flag to my greiving mother (he was a WWII Vet); the first handful of dirt was splayed over his casket by a guy named Poncho.

The Dealer (as he was affectionately known by the Wednesday night poker group) never complained of pain or misfortune or knew the meaning of a grudge, but chose to laugh, love, live and die with his hat on.

This Friend, as he was affectionately known far and wide, lies facing the sunrise in the cemetery next to the farm, that homicidal beer tucked next to him; he looking down at us, laughed while we celebrated his life on August 11, 2007. Willie Nelson (of whom he was the spittin' image and by which he was affectionately known by strangers who asked for his autograph) would have been appalled at my tears. Those tears that well up sometimes still when I open the fridge and am reminded that life goes on.



*His oft used terms