Being Lonely

[pete3799]

34 years as a long haul trucker. I get along by myself just fine.
My wife (girl friend at first) used to go with me on occasion.

[Hugh R]

Originally Posted by Zeke

Jeez, Cliff, reach out. There are Pelicans up and down this state. You gotta start a thread about each venue and at least a week ahead of touch down.

Agreed, I think I met almost 100 Pelicans around the World in at least a dozen countries over 15 years, all of them were great.

And like Seahawk said, I'm pretty good at entertaining myself.

[LEAKYSEALS951]

Something about introversion meaning "one gathers strength from being alone..."

But not too alone.

I work around people all day. For me- it takes a lot of effort to be around people. I love to just be alone, and enjoy the quiet. There was a PBS show some time ago called "Virginia Currents", which during each episode panned out to show some serene landscape, perhaps with some babbling brook in the background, or some distant interstate noise of some passing cars. I loved it because it was (at least for me), an attempt to capture time (a moment in time/the passing of time), on film.

There's nothing more relaxing to me than after a hard day at work, sitting at one of the many nearby breweries, kicking my legs back, and enjoying the breeze, watching the clouds fly by casting shadows over the mountains. Pure quiet bliss.

I never sit at the bar, nothing against the people there. In fact a lot of interesting people habitate the bars, yet, I just prefer to be alone to relax.

Which gets me to some lady that felt the need to keep me company a while back (bless her heart). Seeing me purposely alone, smiling at clouds, enjoying the moment, mistook it for loneliness, and felt the need to come befriend me, and yammer on in a one way conversation for 15 minutes about her life, contrails, and her retirement from a real life chocolate factory.

I was appreciative, her intent was noble, but dangit, I wanted to be left alone. The light shines on a certain building there in perfection at dusk every night- that's why I came. After about 20 minutes, I finally couldn't handle it anymore. I stated that I work with people all day, and after such, there is nothing more relaxing than staring at trees blowing in the wind.


She didn't get it, and kept on yammering (her intentions were good).

Last week, a similar situation occurred when a group sat down next to me and started talking. I was pissed, but one of the guys turned out to be a history buff, which led to some interesting WW2 conversation.

As reviving as being alone is, I have to balance that with missing out on my family. Selfish... I know, but when the family dynamic verges on "The Simpsons" with Homer yelling at Bart, I really do value some peace and freakin' quiet.

Huge balancing act. I want to be alone- but not lonely.

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by vash

How long do you suppose you could go on and on SOLO?

Years. I was solo most of my life. Being around people sucks the energy right out of me. MrsWD needs interaction, silence is extremely uncomfortable for her. Idle chit chat is extremely uncomfortable for me, I need time with my own thoughts. We’ve learned to work it out, but for us it’s one of those parts of marriage that takes constant work.
I was alone the majority of my adult life, but I’ve never spent a day feeling lonely.

[LakeCleElum]

I was single 9 years between marriages.....I've always said I could be comfortable either way...

What is tough is the adjustment period, going from single to self and then back again....

A good dog and book often help.......

[RKDinOKC]

Single, work from home. Am bit of an extrovert and enjoy people. Still spend most of my time alone. Just don't get lonely.

[onewhippedpuppy]

I travel quite a bit, and while I’m comfortable alone I also don’t necessarily enjoy it either. I consider myself to be a people person, so given the choice I’d rather hang around others. For me one of the keys is to always book a hotel with a decent bar, because all you need to do is park at the bar and you’ll be surrounded by others in a similar situation. I’ve met an abundance of interesting people at hotel bars. Pelicans are also a great way to avoid boredom, I’ve had Pelican meet ups all around the country. Sadly I rarely stay in one place for more than 24 hours anymore, so it’s hard to coordinate.

[ckelly78z]

I truly enjoy being alone (maybe because it happens so rarely), and really feel that I could be one of those solo RV travelers, as long as I kept my home base in tact.

My MIL used to say that I needed my "alone time", which at the time, I didn't agree with, but now, fully embrace. Yes, yes I do need my alone time !

It remains to be seen how I would do for extended periods of time, but I have never been one to seek out the human connection, that's the reason we live on a rural farm, and run away from busy bars/shopping/festivals.

When I take vacation days from work, I will many times stay home to get projects done, or run the log splitter...just me and my dog, It gives me a sense of accomplishment, and peace.

[KFC911]

I am a natural introvert, keep to my self person, ....except when alcohol is involved.

I carry a mirror for face-to-face conversations

[oldE]

My life is a strange contrast between needed peace and quiet and being in the middle of things.
On my projects, I work best alone. I can lose myself in a book or drive for hours and be happy in the peace.
Then a couple of times each month I pick up my guitar and entertain folks at the Bistro with a combination of my own songs and covers.
Then for five months each year, I talk to over 10,000 folks who visit the Tidal Power plant.
I guess one balances the other.

Best
Les

[billybek]

It seems a lot of us are wired the same way.
Love my "me" time but spend a lot of my waking hours talking to people.
Much different than my previous position where I worked alone almost 90% of the time.
I had no problem working out of town for weeks at a time and would take a book to restaurants and pubs or hang out and watch whatever game was on the screen.

I really want to visit the Tidal Power plant one day....

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by oldE

Then for five months each year, I talk to over 10,000 folks who visit the Tidal Power plant.

In my work I had to be at public events and talk to people all day. It wasn't me there doing that, it was all an act. I enjoyed it, hamming it up, cracking jokes, talking business, but when we closed for the day I became myself again and I didn't want to talk to anyone about anything! Sometimes during an event there would be a lull and I would kind of fall off the wagon and become myself. When someone would come up to engage me in conversation in my mind I was saying, "Leave me the f*&K alone!" but with some effort I put on the face and became business Patrick again.

[recycled sixtie]

You can also feel really lonely if you live with the wrong person. My first marriage I felt that way and after seven years I got out. The second marriage much better. We don't socialize much. I have a male golf partner I golf with in summer. Overall I don't feel lonely.

Old E you sound like you have a pretty good life.
Cheers, Guy

[seafeye]

Originally Posted by Jims5543

I have a good fiend that is a Captain.

He used to be a real life Quagmire. Single and did some major damage to the FA's for a few years.

He had me laughing, one time he was sitting in the bar with a lesbian FA they were comparing notes on all the FA's they had been to bed with.

Yes, he is on the road a lot and alone a lot, he never seems lonely to me. He is typically out with people doing things seeing things etc...

Every once in a while when he has a longer layover near me, he will jump seat down and hang out for an evening then jump back the next morning.

He just got married the Quagmire years are behind him now.

We say that there is a 3G hiring policy. They have to fit in one of three categories. Gay Getto Granny.
Take your pick. Each flight you will get 1 of each. Or a mix.
Problem with your Captain friend, is the same flight attendants he shagged back in the 80’s are the same ones still here.

[GH85Carrera]

I am so lucky in finding my wife.

Even on long road trips with she sitting right next to me, we can go for an hour and say nothing. Often the only conversation is about which place to use for a pit stop. I always let her pick, as I am not real picky about where I pee, but she is more restrictive on the choice of places. We can go to a restaurant and say little to each other. More than once the waitress asks if everything is OK, or is there a fight in progress. We laugh and tell her no problems or fights, just many years of quiet marriage. After almost 28 years of marriage we know all the old stories of each other. Only new items are a topic of conversation, and we both are home all day together except for some lunch or appointment.

So I have the best of both worlds. A wife I dearly love, and no constant talking, and time for myself.

[flatbutt]

I have lived alone for 30 years now, but loneliness is easy to fix. Hit the gym, the bar or walk around the neighborhood and say hello to people. I'm very good on my own but I recognize the difference between privacy and loneliness. I embrace the former and do not fear the latter.

[vash]

Originally Posted by flatbutt

I....but I recognize the difference between privacy and loneliness.

profound. Well put.

You should have started this thread. You said it better.

Being away from home allowed me a peek at the latter. It’s odd. (To me)

[astrochex]

How about lonely at work? Coworkers half my age, minimal/if any common interests and tasking that does not require interaction.

It is making for days that last longer than I like. Its OK, though, I just keep my head down and get on with it.

[svandamme]

I don't do well with people just for networking or socializing.
I can deal with people when I have a thing to do. Then there is purpose and that works.
Going to work , busy, lots of people fine, it has purpose

But just for sheer time wasting, visiting somebodies house?
I'll probably end up talking to their dog and he'll be my best friend for life.
No pets in their house, I'll feel awkward and gtfo.

People can come over to my house for BBQ in summer in the garden.
But i'll be relieved when the last one is gone again.

I like my quiet time at home, but need my kittiecats to keep me company.

The thought of actually getting in a relation and her eventually moving in is enough to not even bother with that.

It all sounds way to complicated.

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by svandamme

People can come over to my house for BBQ in summer in the garden.
But i'll be relieved when the last one is gone again.




"God knows they're all dear to me
But if the truth be told
I like it when they come
And I love it when they go."