OK.. The lighter side of War.

Targa Dude · Targa Dude's Garage

Q: What is the Iraqi air force motto?
A: I came, I saw, Iran.

Q: Have you heard about the new Iraqi air force exercise program?
A: Each morning you raise your hands above your head and leave them there.

Q: What's the five-day forecast for Baghdad?
A: Two days.

Q: What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common?
A: They both have Kurds in their way.

Q: What is the best Iraqi job?
A: Foreign ambassador.

Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
A: You only have to teach them to take off.

Q: How do you play Iraqi bingo?
A: B-52 ... F-16 ... B-52

Q: What is Iraq's national bird?
A: Duck.

Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common?
A: They both want to know where the heck those Tomahawks are coming from!

Q: Why does the Iraqi navy have glass bottom boats?
A: So they can see their air force.

Jorge (Targa Dude)

Targa Dude · Targa Dude's Garage

Q: What are they calling the Germans, French and Belgians, at the Pentagon?
A: "The Axis of Weasels."

Q. Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama?

A. So the French can show them how to surrender.

Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?

A: Nobody knows, it's never been tried.

Q. Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?

A. Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Q. Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees?

A. So the Germans could march in the shade.

Q: How many gears does a French tank have?
A: 4 reverse and 1 forward, in case the enemy attacks from the rear.

Q: How can you identify a French Infantryman?
A: Sunburned armpits.

Q. What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast?

A. You can make soldiers out of toast.

Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?

A. The Army.

Anyone see the French Military Rifle on eBay? It's never been shot and only dropped once!

Jorge (Targa Dude)

Targa Dude · Targa Dude's Garage

Q: Why did the French celebrate their World Cup Championship in 2000 so wildly?
A: It was their first time they won anything without the help of the U.S.

Q: What's the difference between 1943 and 2003?
A. This time around, the Vichy government is telling the German puppets what to do.

Q: What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training?
A: How to surrender in at least 10 languages.

Q: What is the most useful thing in the French Army?
A: A rearview mirror, so they can see the war.

Q: Why does Nike like the French Army?
A: Because, in war time, they are the biggest buyers of running shoes.

Q: How do you stop a French tank?
A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it!

Jorge (Targa Dude)

Targa Dude · Targa Dude's Garage

France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes." —Mark Twain

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." —General George S. Patton

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." —Norman Schwartzkopf

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." —Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." —Jacques Chirac, President of France

"As far as France is concerned, you're right." —Rush Limbaugh

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." —Regis Philbin

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know." —P.J O'Rourke (1989)

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it." —John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona

"They've taken their own precautions against Al Qaeda. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." —Argus Hamilton

"The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq." —Dennis Miller

"I would call the French scumbags, but that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum. I say we invade Iraq, then invade Chirac." —Dennis Miller

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He IS French, people." —Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!" —Jay Leno

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof,' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." —David Letterman

How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?
One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.

An old saying: Raise your right hand if you like the French.... Raise both hands if you are French.

Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France.

Jorge (Targa Dude)

Targa Dude · Targa Dude's Garage

Jorge (Targa Dude)

Targa Dude · Targa Dude's Garage

Jorge (Targa Dude)

Targa Dude · Targa Dude's Garage

Jorge (Targa Dude)

Targa Dude · Targa Dude's Garage

Jorge (Targa Dude)

Targa Dude · Targa Dude's Garage

Jorge (Targa Dude)

Targa Dude · Targa Dude's Garage

Jorge (Targa Dude)

Targa Dude · Targa Dude's Garage

Jorge (Targa Dude)

Targa Dude · Targa Dude's Garage

Jorge (Targa Dude)

emcon5 · emcon5's Garage

I found this on another forum,

The Gulf War drinking game.

You must take a drink if:

bush is called a crusader
x2 if its by saddam
saddam is called evil
x2 if its by bush
iraq troops surrender to the media
x2 if to a unmanned vehicle or inanimate object
iraq uses weapons it claims not to have
the united states uses weapons it won't allow iraq to have
a member of the media gets shot at
a toast to the shooter if its ashleigh banfield(msnbc), geraldo riviera(fox) or arron brown(cnn)
saddam uses a scud he doesnt have
x2 if its towards Israel
the united states terrorist threat level changes
the united states government tries to link iraq to 9-11
france goes pro US invasion
germany takes the side of the united states in a global war
Dominique de Villepin reminds you of that annoying rich kid in high school
someone implies tony blair is bush's *****
someone implies scott ritter is Saddam's *****
anybody 'warns' anybody
the word "escalation" is used
iraq and the united states are shown seated next to each other in the united nations
the media compares the war to blackhawk down
x2 if its because a blackhawk really goes down
a puppet government is installed in iraq
x2 if its by the puppet government installed in the US
saddam uses the word 'Zionist'
x2 if its bin laden
you change your opinion on the war
the media shows iraqi children in a hospital because of international sanctions
x2 if its because of american military action
finish your drink if saddam actually put them there, but claimed it was the united states
iraq promises full and complete cooporation with inspectors
Iraqi civilians greet Americans with cheers
x2 if its with bullets
the saudis do something the united states accuses iraq of doing
north korea does something the united states accused iraq of doing
x2 if they don't get away with it
al-jazeera is referred to as the "arab cnn"
finish your drink if cnn is referred to as the "american al-jazeera"
the conflict is compared to the vietnam war
x2 if the word "quagmire" is used
saddam goes missing
finish your drink if he is confimed killed
the pope is said to "pray for peace"
bush mispronounces the word 'nuclear'
finish your drink if its referring to a bomb that has gone off
richard armitage's neck shows up
if you can't find kuwait, bahrain, qatar, oman, or the united arab emirates on a map
x2 if you even own a map of the region
finish your drink if you can pronounce them all correctly
any of the following commentators are on tv:
x1 ken pollack, khidhir hamza, general wesley clark, col david hackworth, general bernard trainor, david kay, richard butler, thomas friedman, scott ritter, thomas andrews, anybody running for United States President
x2 general norman schwarzkopf, general walt boomer, general buster glosson, brent scowcroft, james baker, richard perle, william kristol, james woolsey, henry kissinger
x3 any former united states president
an actor or actress expresses an opinion on the war
x2 if this is the first time you've seen them in a year
an american reminds the french of world war one and two
x2 if a frenchman reminds the americans of the revolutionary war
saddam torches the oil fields
someone reports from "the arab street"
colin powell looks exasperated sitting at the u.n. security council
x2 if its because a country you didnt know exists is commenting on the war
anyone in the bush administration says "make no mistake"
the american military are told what to do by someone with no military experience
x2 if they dodged the vietnam draft
tariq azziz's glasses get larger
somebody says saddam "tortures his own people"
you momentarly confuse george roberston with shrek
an arab country staging american troops speaks against the war
a Patriot anti-missle missle is fired
x2 if it intercepts something
tom ridge laughs while discussing potential terrorists attacks
God picks a side
finish your drink if its not yours
somebody implies a blood for oil trade may be in progress
x2 if that person owns a S.U.V.
a protest sign attacks Bush directly
x2 if it attacks saddam directly
The united states bombs anything in iraq before the fighting 'offically' starts
x2 if iraq tries the same thing
Saddam is compared to Hitler
x2 if bush is compared to Hitler
someone compares the size of iraq to california or france
The media refers to itself as 'embedded'
someone says "shock and awe"
The words "Weapon(s) of Mass Destruction" are used
x2 if its shortned to "WMD"
A US Official uses the word "liberate"
Bush says "innocent civilians"
Bush quotes scripture
x2 saddam quotes the koran
Somebody says "between Iraq and a hard place"
A videophone craps out
x2 the anchor apologizes for it
Someone on TV says something contradictory to what is on their news ticker
A news correspondent asks if they can still be heard
x2 if they say "Can you hear me now?"
x3 if it is followed by a verizon wireless comercial
Any political or military leader refers to Australia
Saddam shoots a gun into the air
Saddam refers to George Bush as "little Bush" or "junior bush"
you see soldiers in gas masks
x2 if they were actually necessary
an initial news report turns out to be false
x2 if the anchor openly admits it
this game is mentioned in the news
x2 if the bush twins are playing it
Bush directly addresses Iraqis
x2 Saddam directly addresses Americans
a saddam body double is seen
someone refers to "coalition of the willing"
x2 if is because a member is actually providing combat troops
someone refers to 'Halliburton'
Media cameras on the Baghdad skyline focus on something that looks like an erect penis
someone reminds us that osama bin laden is still alive
x2 if he reminds us himself
The media refuses to report something because of operational security
x2 if its immediately followed by a commentator telling what will happen next
the media reports that something "is not the start of the war"
x2 if it involves any act of war
the military learns of something for the first time from the media
someone uses the term "cradle of civilization"
ari fleischer lies
x2 if it is directly to Helen Thomas