Elderly parent care - living space options

[Baz]

I know his subject has been discussed here quite a bit and I have enjoyed hearing other's comments and learned from them as well.

My Mom, who is 97, is still living on her own in her home which is located about a 10 minute drive away.

She is still capable of most of what's needed but stopped driving a couple years ago so I bring over provisions and also try to look after all the maintenance aspects of the property.

I tried to get her to move closer to me a number of years ago but she liked her neighborhood and thus refused to even consider it.

I believe she has quite a few more years left in her but at some point it won't be sense for her to be living on her own anymore.

We have a number of assisted living facilities here, which would be one option, but I'm also wondering about bringing her to my place - not into my home - but to a newly constructed structure on my property.

My house sits on the very back of the property so the front yard has most of the open space, more or less.

I'm wondering though....instead of building a structure...why not bring in a small modular structure.

We're talking 1 bedroom, 1 bath, with other rooms as needed.

I just looked at one company and they have a "retreat" series model ("Thistle") that looks great with essentially same SF as assisted living would offer but free standing and more rooms:
https://affinitybuildingsystems.com/thistle/

Compared to a studio at a local assisted living facility:


I don't know about pricing yet - right now just tossing the idea around.

And I realize this isn't apples to apples - that at assisted living facilities there is a staff and other residents.

Appreciate any thoughts - thanks!

[stevej37]

I don't know. But I do know my mother was in the same situation about 10 years ago.
She liked normal. Anything that was other than that..she resisted...which turned out fine.
At the very end...she asked to be admitted to a medical care facility. I knew she had accepted the end of her years.
I hope your mother has the same last years as mine did.

[look 171]

Baz, I have no experience with those companies but home owners are build ADUs ( small MIL units, or garage turned into living spaces) like mad. So many people are in on it so they can rent to soften up the monthly mortgagen payment here in LA.

When my dad got sick, my wife said if anything happens to him, we have to take in you mother. I agreed. Its the way I was raised, No matter that, we take care of the elders just like you. Dad's been gone a little over three years now, and mom's been on her own just fine. My sister, wife and myself take her grocery shopping or other needs when possible. She refuse to come up to live with us. I even have a rental two doors away from me. She wants to stay in her home where she's comfortable and walks daily with the neighbors. Its mixed older neighborhood with older folks like them as well as younger families moving in ever here and there.

[Baz]

Originally Posted by stevej37

I don't know. But I do know my mother was in the same situation about 10 years ago.
She liked normal. Anything that was other than that..she resisted...which turned out fine.
At the very end...she asked to be admitted to a medical care facility. I knew she had accepted the end of her years.
I hope your mother has the same last years as mine did.

Thanks, Steve. Glad it worked out for you and your Mom.

Tough situation for all.

My Mom is a realist so we have that going for us. She made sure all her medical and estate paperwork was done a while back and we updated it earlier this year with our attorney. Everyone has copies.

I don't blame her for wanting to stay in her own place. I would too.

I'm just trying to get Plan B lined up ahead of time.

[Baz]

Originally Posted by look 171

Baz, I have no experience with those companies but home owners are build ADUs ( small MIL units, or garage turned into living spaces) like mad. So many people are in on it so they can rent to soften up the monthly mortgage payment here in LA.

When my dad got sick, my wife said if anything happens to him, we have to take in you mother. I agreed. Its the way I was raised, No matter that, we take care of the elders just like you. Dad's been gone a little over three years now, and mom's been on her own just fine. My sister, wife and myself take her grocery shopping or other needs when possible. She refuse to come up to live with us. I even have a rental two doors away from me. She wants to stay in her home where she's comfortable and walks daily with the neighbors. Its mixed older neighborhood with older folks like them as well as younger families moving in ever here and there.

Thanks, Jeff.

Good to hear your Mom is doing well.

What's an ADU?

EDIT: OK I just Googled it:

An accessory dwelling unit, usually just called an ADU, is a secondary housing unit on a single-family residential lot. The term “accessory dwelling unit” is a institutional-sounding name, but it’s the most commonly-used term across the country to describe this type of housing.

[Baz]

My first thought was to build something that later down the road could be converted to a garage/shop without too much work.

But after thinking some more - bringing a modular unit in seems like it would be more cost effective. And maybe even nicer.

[Baz]

The detached ADU in the diagram below is what I had in mind.....

[stevej37]

Maybe just let her live where she is. And adjust it to make some changes for her at her house?
Someone to look after her on a part-time basis?
Change is hard for an elderly person.

[wdfifteen]

Good your mom is doing so well at 97!

I’ve heard the structure you described called “Granny Pods.”

A couple of things.

1. How attached to her home is she? Does she really want to move to a new place? Steve in post 8 has some good points.

2. I would be thinking 5-10 years down the road. How long will your mother be able to live there with only your help? When will assisted living be a necessity? What will you do with the granny pod when she no longer needs it?
Building it is going to cost some $$ that might be better spent hiring more intensive in-home assistance as she may come to need it and planning for moving to an assisted living facility in the future.

[Baz]

Originally Posted by stevej37

Maybe just let her live where she is adjusted to and make some changes for her at her house?
Someone to look after her on a part-time basis?
Change is hard for an elderly person.

Right now nothing is off the table.

But I know there's no one who could look after her like I can, despite there being some fantastic folks out there doing it. I just know Mom better than anyone else and I think that makes a difference.

If she is on my property then essentially she has a caretaker 24/7, aside from when I'm away. Now that I'm semi-retired, I have more flexibility so that helps with scheduling.

She has a cleaning person twice a month and that's about it right now. She's very picky about anyone coming into her home too, I should add. Another factor that's important to consider. And I'm picky too, of course.

[Baz]

Originally Posted by wdfifteen

Good your mom is doing so well at 97!

I’ve heard the structure you described called “Granny Pods.”

A couple of things.

1. How attached to her home is she? Does she really want to move to a new place? Steve in post 8 has some good points.

2. I would be thinking 5-10 years down the road. How long will your mother be able to live there with only your help? When will assisted living be a necessity? What will you do with the granny pod when she no longer needs it?
Building it is going to cost some $$ that might be better spent hiring more intensive in-home assistance as she may come to need it and planning for moving to an assisted living facility in the future.

Thanks, Patrick - appreciate your input.

She loves her home so this wouldn't happen right away, for sure.

I'm just thinking about the next phase.

Trying to be pro-active.

I'm thinking the granny pod could be sold at some point if it's not longer needed. That's why I was thinking something modular. I'm not up to speed on everything construction-wise. Which is why I'm looking for input.

[Baz]

Even if I ended up with a little granny pod on the property it wouldn't be that bad. My home is only a 2/2 so this would provide a place to put up guests from out of town. Or I could rent my home out at some point (vacation rental) and have a place to stay for myself.

Just thinking out loud at this point.....

[look 171]

Originally Posted by Baz

Right now nothing is off the table.

But I know there's no one who could look after her like I can, despite there being some fantastic folks out there doing it. I just know Mom better than anyone else and I think that makes a difference.

If she is on my property then essentially she has a caretaker 24/7, aside from when I'm away. Now that I'm semi-retired, I have more flexibility so that helps with scheduling.

She has a cleaning person twice a month and that's about it right now. She's very picky about anyone coming into her home too, I should add. Another factor that's important to consider. And I'm picky too, of course.

You are correct on all of the above. As we get older, we don't like our stuff messed with or even touched no matter how minor those items are. My mother sure dislike someone coming. We have a care taker for dad at home for some time, she was going nuts on how the care taker would rearrange dad's stuff. Old folks, I tell ya. We will be jsut like that or some of us are already there? No one is willing to go through taking of your folks 100%. Simple things like shower or hygiene for example. I hung around dad at the hospital daily for 2-4 hours daily. I made the time even though sometimes we didn't say much to each other, but he felt so much at ease when I was there. We also brought him food daily instead of hospital or health care facility food.

[look 171]

Starting getting bids on those modular buildings. Normally mfgs have someone that buys and build those things for them and can do them in their sleep keeping the cost down. Yeah, it can be rented in the future for some additional income after you are fully retired. We know guys like us don't actually fully retire.

[Bill Douglas]

Originally Posted by Baz

My Mom, who is 97, is still living on her own in her home which is located about a 10 minute drive away.

You have good genetics Baz. 97 and living at home!

Geez, everyone in my family dies in their 50's and 60's.

[rfuerst911sc]

Baz my first recommendation would be to look into part time in home care for your mom . She gets to stay in her home , keeps her independence and is being looked after .

My next recommendation would be a travel trailer . If you can fit a 30-32 foot travel trailer on your property you have an instant tiny home. Used ones are available at great prices . They are nicely appointed and very easy to live in for one person .

When your mom passes you can keep the trailer as a guest house or use it to travel the country or sell it and be done . Good luck with whatever works the best for her situation .

[look 171]

10 min drive is the best part. I know, the hard part is if she falls and hurt herself. My mother tripped over her garden hose and did a face plant on the table about 6 weeks ago. Thank goodness nothing was broken. Scraped knee, and a big old bruise on her cheek. When I bought my place, I made sure I was within 20-30 minutes away know that one day, they will need me to be around. I am exactly 15-20 away depending on traffic. If she's happy there, I say leave her for as long as she can. Its a btich when you know the days of immobility is coming and must rely on someone to perform those very simple tasks. Moving her will make her even more unhappy. My father would get really pissed at himself due to his illness because he was attached to a breathing machine. We still mamaged to have lunch with him as a family at the courtyard at the facility. If not, he would be tied to that bed all day with little room to move. WE get his ass out of bed and walk him with an oxygen tank outside to have our little picnic or lunch.

[MRM]

If you move her out of her home, it won’t matter where you put her or how nice you think it is. All that will matter is that you took her out of her home. Leave her where she is and use the money you would have spent on a mother in law apartment on in-home healthcare for your mom to keep her where she feels is home.

[Baz]

Originally Posted by look 171

You are correct on all of the above. As we get older, we don't like our stuff messed with or even touched no matter how minor those items are. My mother sure dislike someone coming. We have a care taker for dad at home for some time, she was going nuts on how the care taker would rearrange dad's stuff. Old folks, I tell ya. We will be jsut like that or some of us are already there? No one is willing to go through taking of your folks 100%. Simple things like shower or hygiene for example. I hung around dad at the hospital daily for 2-4 hours daily. I made the time even though sometimes we didn't say much to each other, but he felt so much at ease when I was there. We also brought him food daily instead of hospital or health care facility food.

All true.

I remember when you were looking after your Dad and I was really touched by it. That's how it should be.

My Mom has always had my back....and of all the family members we have - I'm in the best position to help and I intend to do everything I can for her.

[Baz]

Originally Posted by look 171

Starting getting bids on those modular buildings. Normally mfgs have someone that buys and build those things for them and can do them in their sleep keeping the cost down. Yeah, it can be rented in the future for some additional income after you are fully retired. We know guys like us don't actually fully retire.

First I have to check with our building dept. to see what is legal. Right now I don't even know what's allowed. There is construction all over the place in my area though. Remodels, additions, new homes, etc. I'll find out this week and report back.