Pelican Parts Forums - Axis of Evil.

Axis of Evil Wannabees

by John Cleese

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil", Libya,
China and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil", which they said would be more evil than that stupid
Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the
Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as
having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are just as evil
. . . in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il.
"Everybody knows we're the best evils . . . best at being evil .. .
we're the best."

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded,
although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil.
"They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. "An
axis can't have more than three countries", explained Iraqi President
Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II
you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only
have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as
within minutes, France surrendered.

Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in
what has become a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia
announced that they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil", forcing
Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally
Evil", while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not
So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable".

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling
up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis
of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host
the Olympics". Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America", while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick". "That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do", said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis, although he rejected the establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose Names End in ''Guay", accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.

Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.

IMPORTANT: This e-mail is intended for the use of the individual
addressee(s) named above & may contain information that is confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious beliefs. If you
are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or
copying of this e-mail is not authorized (either explicitly or
implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the
word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this
e-mail, although the kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let me
tell you. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be
gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading
this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft.
However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your
computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and/or your pets. If
you have received this e-mail in error, please add some nutmeg and egg
whites, whisk and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes.