My wife passed away on Saturday.

[Paul_Heery]

I have not shared this with this group previously. My wife Andie passed away on Saturday.

Andie had been diagnosed with stage-4 non small cell lung cancer in December of 2015. She was a never-smoker. We spent the last 6+ years finding her the best doctors and the best treatments. Shortly after she was diagnosed we insisted on having genetic testing performed on the tissue sample removed from her lung for the biopsy that confirmed her cancer. That testing showed that she had an extremely rare EFGR mutation. That put us on a path where Andie started on targeted therapies.

She was on a total of three targeted therapies over the course of more than five years. The doctors were clear up front that each therapy had limited efficacy. But, as each one started to fail, we moved to the next. Unfortunately, the failures would manifest themselves in either growth of the tumors being treated, or the cancer metastasizing to other parts of her body.

However, when the last one failed, it was the most drastic. In November, Andie developed leptomeningeal disease (LMD). This occurs when the cancer cells invade the cerebrospinal fluid and spread throughout the central nervous system. This caused mental status changes, cognitive impairment, confusion and seizures. It also brought a lot of pain because it also impacted her spine.

About a month ago, Andie was put on in-home hospice care. This was necessary as she could no longer control most of her body because of the mixed-signals being sent from her brain. The most troubling thing to me was that I no longer had someone at home that I could have a meaningful conversation with. Over time we needed to increase her dosages of methadone as the pain got worse. This really seemed to address the pain and provided her some level of comfort.

On Friday, the hospice nurse told me. “You should start calling family”. Friday night, our two children and Andie’s brother arrived. They all went into the bedroom separately to say “goodbye”. Early Saturday morning, she took her last breath and passed away. I like to think that she waited until she could say “goodbye” to her children.

Today, we had a rabbi perform a service. It was a nice service and most of the family that was not in town joined via Zoom. Everyone left afterwards. Now, I find myself alone for the first time in 44 years. Andie had almost always been by my side. It really hit me hard when I first started writing this post.

Andie told me that she just had one request for a memorial service for her. She said, “there must be a bartender!” I took care of that today. There is a local restaurant within walking distance of our house. I have booked the entire place for Saturday, February 26. There will be plenty of food and an open bar.

Andie, we will raise a few glasses while toasting your life!

Thanks to everyone for letting me share.

[Gretch]

[stevej37]

Very sorry for your loss...your memorial service is perfect.

[masraum]

I'm sorry, Paul. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[tdw28210]

Sorry for your loss Paul. I have no doubt that it is a heavy load to carry. I hope the 26th is everything Andie hoped it would be, and more.

[billybek]

I am very sorry to hear of your wife's passing.
My sincere condolences to you and your family.

[herr_oberst]

My condolences to you and your family, Paul.

[rusnak]

I am so sorry. Let's bump this thread on the 26th so we all can participate in her memorial service and remember Andie.

[RANDY P]

I'm sorry to hear this

rjp

[VINMAN]

Paul, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

Its horrible. I lost my first wife to a 2 year battle with cancer in 2002.

My sincere condolences to you and your family.

.

[cabmandone]

Originally Posted by Paul_Heery

Andie told me that she just had one request for a memorial service for her. She said, “there must be a bartender!” I took care of that today. There is a local restaurant within walking distance of our house. I have booked the entire place for Saturday, February 26. There will be plenty of food and an open bar.

Andie, we will raise a few glasses while toasting your life!

I don't know you or your wife but I'll raise a glass in her name on 2/26. She sounds like a strong person and a real fighter. I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you can find peace in what I'm sure is a difficult time.

[KNS]

So sorry for your loss. My condolences.

[Skip Newsom]

She put up an impressive fight, my sincere condolences, I cant imagine losing a spouse...

Lost my Dad to cancer when I was 19, he fought it off and on for 10 years, I do understand the toll those battles bring.

[hcoles]

My condolences to you and your family, Paul.

[stomachmonkey]

Ha’makom yenahem etkhem betokh she’ar avelei Tziyonvi’Yerushalayim

Let us know if you need something

We are here for you

[Eric Hahl]

So sorry to hear.

[oldE]

Paul, do not isolate yourself. There is real danger in that. Andie understood, hence the demand for a bartender. She knew you need friends around to share the menories, the laughter and the burden of loss.
Thank you for reaching out to share this with the motley "Pelican crew".

Best
Les

[Cdnone1]

I am so sorry for your loss

[vash]

oh no.

i am so sorry for your loss. i cant imagine.

i was gonna respond to another thread and make a meaningless joke. now it just seems stupid.

[craigster59]

My condolences Paul, I will raise a glass on the 26th for Andie.

"A life is like the flame of a candle, flickering, vulnerable and easily extinguished by a breeze.

But a soul is fiery, ever burning and glowing infinite, like a star in the Heavens".