Get your stuff in order…
 

A buddy passed this am. Been running around doing stuff that needs to be done in these sort of situations.

Went through the house today in the light with the executor. Yikes.

Clean and organize folks. Give straight forward directions. Tell people where your accounts and passwords are.

This is waaaay harder than it should be.

And it is a awful situation.

Phew. Sorry about that LWJ. That's nice that you're pitching in. Definitely a cautionary tale.

All too often this is the way these things go.

My condolences to you and your buddy's family and friends.

A co-worker's brother passed away in Willcox, AZ. Sheriff's deputy did a welfare check after he stopped responding in a text conversation. He called my co-worker and told her to come out there (well over two hrs drive). She said she couldn't make it until the weekend. Deputy said the house was so full of guns, the house needed to be secured and he couldn't do it. When she got there, it was a wreck, even had a Bible carved out for a pistol on the bookshelf.

When my great grandmother passed, my folks found jewelry stuffed in Kleenex boxes in her Y2K-like storage closet. They had to go through everything to check for hidden valuables.

I typed up instructions and details should I cark it.

Things like name of lawyer, bank account numbers, insurance policy details, houses, stocks I own. WHAT THE CAR IS WORTH, location of my will. It just makes it 100 times easier for the family.

Start with a will. It is really simple. You can do one online for the state you live in and have it notarized.

Have a medical directive done so that someone can speak for you concerning medical care decisions if you are unable to do so. Do you want to be on a ventilator? Would you like to be resuscitated? How about if you are in a vegetative state?

Go to a local funeral home and get information on things to think about. Burial versus cremation versus donating your body to science. Traditional funeral versus a memorial service. Flowers versus donation to a charity. What music do you want played? If a traditional casket, what do you want to wear? Do a pre-paid funeral and the funeral home will have all that ready for the family once the day arrives. It takes a ton of worry and decisions to be made off you loved ones at a time when they are already emotionally stressed.

My parents did these things for us and my wife and I have done this for our family.

The mortality rate in 2022 is still 100%. Everyone is going to die at some time (short of rapture). Preparing these things aren't for you but for those you love.

One last thought, give those you love their roses while they are still alive. What I mean by that is to tell them you love them. Bless them with a small give, a card, something that says you appreciate them. Today may be your last chance to tell them. also give some of your stuff away now. Things you know they want. Get the joy of watching them enjoy it.

LWJ: my condolences for your loss of a friend.

Did all of that.

Wills, Trusts, Medical POA's.

For other accounts like credit cards, banks, etc... all logins are stored in LastPass with detonated delegate's who can request access should it be needed. The way that works is they make an access request, LastPass notifies me and if I don't respond within a timeframe I specify access is granted.

I've done the same as Bill D, plus I wrote down the name, address, phone number and account number of all the utilities, credit cards and automatic withdrawals with the corresponding bank account. This list travels in a jump drive and I try and update it once or twice a year. (I've got a calendar event set up for twice yearly but I'm not that good at following my own instructions)

One thing I've been meaning to do is take photos of individual valuables and creating a spreadsheet of values corresponding to the photo; could be handy for donation taxes or if someone wants to maximize the inheritance.

Lord knows I should be lightening my load.

Interesting...

So sorry for the loss of your friend.

When my Dad passed away back in February of this year, he did not have a will. My Sister lives in the same town where my Dad lived and I am four hours away so we decided that she be the administrator of the estate. I have found that if the person had a will then there is an "executor" and if there is not a will, then the person handling things is called the "administrator". Anyhoo, we had to get an attorney of course and my Sister can sign things on my behalf. My Sis and I are close and are in total agreement on things. The attorney told us that it will take anywhere from 3 to 6 months for things to go through Probate. My Dad had a townhouse, bought free and clear that is a rental property that was to be left to my Sister and myself, he actually told us this was the reason for buying it, was to pass it along to us. He also had a small parcel of land out in the middle of nowhere that I had no idea that he had, and he had a very nice Mountain Aire 38 foot RV and his personal car. So, I don't know if things are moved along through Probate quicker if you have a will or not but, going through all of this has sometimes been a real pain in the butt. We never have been able to access his phone but we did manage to get into his main computer. So, yeah, it's a good idea to let someone close to you know your passwords for accounts and devices. The attorney told us that he would expedite the vehicles so that we could get the titles changed over quicker. The townhouse and land will take longer which is fine. Anyhoo, Yeah, when a loved one passes away, it is already a difficult period and then you deal with solving mysteries of what is what and how to access important things, it can get frustrating for sure.

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Thanks all for the wishes. It is sad, but really not the burden that is a challenge.

There is a daughter. He was a single Dad. No Mom as we met via an adopted kids group. Her whole world has been blown apart.

She is now part of our family. There is nothing else to do. She has nobody else. It’s tragic. And messy.

Thankfully I have a stay at home wife who is ridiculously talented at organizing things.

We will persevere.

Good tips on the death-prep. I learned some things.

Thanks all!

We set up a trust years ago.

Condolences LWJ. I had a H.,S. buddy pass last month, who I'd known since 1956. At our ages (my old friends & I), I'm surprised more haven't passed away. There is only myself & my wife. After making a will & everything, I realized I hadn't provided for one possibility - that we both pass away at the same time via accident, or whatever. If you haven't considered it, you might add provisions for that.

Sorry for the loss of your buddy. Hope you and the family find peace.

My father passed on March 31st. I can agree on your post recommendations. Mom passed 10 years and 2 days earlier.

I will have a "living will" for my son......

Cheers

It is. I need to do some homework. All my stuff is stored in another app...I need to see if they offer the same service.

Good luck LWJ.

I'm glad you are able to assume some bonds with her and be her new family.

We did all the paperwork related stuff years ago. Both kids know of the plans. We've got a folder in the file cabinet with a label "What to do if we die." It has lists of the will/trust location, account information for 401ks and IRAs, banking, etc. Our adult daughter is also on the signature list for the safe deposit box.

One of my delegates is a non family member who obviously does not live with us.

He is one of my engineers and my wife has trouble sending emails so he'd be her tech support to navigate it all.

https://blog.lastpass.com/2016/07/how-to-get-started-with-lastpass-emergency-access/

I'm sorry you lost your friend.

One quick story supporting your recommendation. Pete and I were both 40 working as the audit staff in our office in Houston. Talked to Pete one Friday afternoon on the phone. We were joking about the idiosyncrasies of our boss who was out of town.

Pete died that evening during an asthma attack leaving a wife and two young daughters.

Big boss from Anchorage on Monday says get his desk unlocked and make sure there is nothing awkward in there. I have the secretary with me as a witness and the first drawer we open has a big fat sealed envelope saying "In case of premature death" on the outside. He knew there was a risk of fatality from a previous episode.

We passed it on to his wife and he had everything broken down in there we found out afterwards. A secret trust fund from his inheritance (his parents) set up for his daughters included.

When my dad died, I became the executor of his estate. I hired an attorney friend of mine to help me through all the court filings, and the judge was a friend of his, so things went real smooth. Dad had a will, and it takes a while to get through all the legal crap.

We went back to his office and my wife and I had him write up our wills, advanced directives, and so on. In Oklahoma like all states the legislature is rife with attorneys and they protect their profession. A "boilerplate" legal document or contract is just a rough guide, and not enforceable if anyone at all challenges it. If the document was not prepared by an attorney, it is pretty much useless in court, and the judge, by statute, will throw it out if pressed.

So our wills are done. There is no government agency to file a will with. We have copies, and we sent a copy in a sealed envelope to the people named as executors if my wife and I both die at the same time.

Plus they invite you over for pizza and beer and sometimes for the holidays, even.

I’ll unexpectedly drop something fairly valuable on somebody and they don’t know how to act. Pretty funny, actually.

Prop 13 in SoCal was the legal affairs driver for our family since its inception. If the home is not in a family trust upon passing of the family owner, the home gets reappraised to current market values and the corresponding new tax rate. For most folks in SoCal, that could be a tax hit of > $1M in valuation.
When our kids were children, we created a family password to be used to verify anything family related, That PW is now used on my whole life insurance policy, 401K & my pension account.
Having all this in place gives me the peace of mind to work on my funeral playlist.

My father died 5 years ago next month. Right after Easter that year we had limited contact, playing phone tag for about 2 weeks. I sent an email on Sunday night that I knew that he would absolutely reply to. The next morning when I didn't receive an email I sent the police around. Got the call about a 30 minutes after I called the PD.

As for his affairs: the will was executed in 1985 when he was on wife #2 (of nearly 4). It named her children as his children and a few other bits that caused issues. Issues that would have been avoided with just a new will. It took looking at state law regarding divorce and wills to prevent folks long gone from his life from inheriting anything.

On a funny note; he had kept every owners manual from everything he owned. Blender, lawn mowers, waffle iron, TV, and on an on. It was funny and a PITA all in one.

I used a CELA. It was expensive as heck but the house and my portfolio are both protected and my legacy is very clearly defined. Flatbutt II and Flabuttette get everything 50/50.

We just went through this with my brother in law. He was pretty young and had nothing planned for if anything happened to him.

In our case, my mother in law's husband tried his best to make everything worse.

The older I get, the more I enjoy giving stuff away. I'm not wasteful or am I getting eccentric but but there are lots of little things (under $1000) that I used to hold tightly but now think "hey, I really don't use this and never look at it, I bet ___ would love this..." Along those lines, I'd rather donate to Habitat For Humanity than yard sale stuff.

I do that. Every once in a while I go through and bin the ones that are no longer needed.

It's been handy quite a few times, but really it's just another of the loose screws I deal with on a daily basis.

I keep every owners manual for every thing in binders inside plastic sleeves. One binder for electronics. One for household stuff…from lawn mower to ovens. I do this so my wife can figure out how to turn the tv on and off if I croak

LWJ, its wonderful what you are doing for the daughter of the deceased.

General conversations about this stuff is also important.

My father died the same day as my wife's grandmother and it was my daughters 7th birthday that coming weekend so there was a bit of urgency to get everyone in the ground and put on happy faces by the end of the week.

My father had always kept his dress blues in a cedar closet like he was preserving a priceless antique.

We found out after it was too late, he wanted to be buried in them.

So now I have them and don't know what to do with them other than look at them and feel guilt.

I had an appt yesterday it a total ghetto where the son said his father died at 52 with no life insurance and the funeral cost crushed the family. At 52 a small final expense policy would have been dirt cheap. Son wanted to make sure the same thing didn't happen when his mom passed, and she's not in great shape.

In your mind, talk to your dad and apologize. He'll say "Its OK, I don't need them anymore". Next, pass them on as a family heirloom to honor him. Write a short note so future generations will know what your dad did to serve his country.

For those who haven't started: https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKE wiApLKH_aL3AhUDH0QIHaT8DpMQFnoECAYQAQ&url=https%3A %2F%2Fg.foolcdn.com%2Fimg%2Feditorial%2Fexternal_m %2FPDFs%2FDeadLetterChecklist.PDF&usg=AOvVaw1zfOfg KkKhDb7Mb9jpKgJQ

http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1650469477.jpg
Don't be 'that guy' who procrastinates and burdens your loved ones with no plans, no will, no direction on what to do.

That's sad. And Por_sha911's idea is a great one, I think.

I have had a lesson in just this. A very good friend, robust, weigh lifter always on the idea has passed. His colleague called my in late Jan to ask that I call him since he believed our friend was somehow not right. I did call and came away with the same thought. After a very long story, he was diagnosed with the equivalent of mad cow which has two words you never want to hear together, progressive and fatal. He went from going to the Rams/49’s playoff game to passed away in 6 weeks.

Do what you can today to live to the fullest. This was a shock beyond all shocks.

One thing we did get right.

My father collected and restored antique MB’s

Had 15 at one point

My brother and I were in the shop he’d built at his house for doing the work

We spot a 4 inch perfectly mint tri star trunk badge hanging on the wall

We looked at each other and honest to god without a word to each other i grabbed it while he grabbed a rubber mallet

We took it to the funeral home and hammered it into the foot end of dads casket

On the day of the wake every single person who walked up to pay their respects saw it and each one cracked a little smile in acknowledgement

Update on me/ Daughter of buddy.

Getting the estate all tidied up. Mrs. LWJ is an absolute GIFT of organization.

And the poor Daughter? She is 21, has some disabilities, and has nobody in this world.

It breaks my heart.

Fortunately, my family has the bandwidth to assume some level of familial care for her. Not sure what this means, as we are 4 days in. I am humbled. It is actually wonderful to have such a huge responsibility and purpose. I know what I need to do. It is a great lesson in community.

While I have spent the last few years holed up in my home, dreaming of retirement, motorcycles, and fly fishing; it is more meaningful to give her safety and comfort.

While not my choice (I didn’t realize I was the executor, nor did my Buddy. But that is a different story) it isn’t impossible.

Thanks all for the support. I didn’t intend this to be a “hey, look how cool I am” post.

There are times when we all step up. It is just what we do.

Be well.

My son is on the spectrum.

His sister loves him like a mother loves a son and we know she will always look after him but we didn’t want to unnecessarily burden her with it which is why he has a blood trust and we have lined up our financial advisors, a law firm, and an accounting firm to advise her. She has final say but she has professionals to advise and guide her.

We were not leaving it up to chance that we’d have a Mensch like you to step up and do the right thing.

You exemplify what we should all strive to be.

Much respect and thank you for stepping up.

Talk about getting things in order. When my mom died and my sisters and I went through her stuff and we found three boxes with our names on them, with all her important things and photos evenly divided up. Her death was completely unexpected but maybe she knew something that we didn't know.