You can learn a lot from a dog

[Tobra]

I married young, to the wrong woman, had kids and got divorced. I went off to school, she did what she could to keep me from having any sort of relationship with the kids. Was out of town when I would come to visit the kids, one time she took out a home equity loan and took a trip to Jamaica, not kidding. She also talked a lot of trash about me. I always figured she would get them as children, I would get them as adults, after they could see what is what and who is who. I always told my brothers and sister not to tell the kids what their mother is like. You can't tell a kid that sort of stuff about their mother, even if it is true. This and being forbidden to stomp my ex wife out has apparently been a significant hardship for my sister. My daughter in law figured out the score within an hour of meeting my wife and I for the first time.

Decades later, I move back to California when I get the chance, and my kids start having kids a few years after that. 3 of the 5 grandkids live within 5 minutes of my house, other two about 20 minutes. It is amazingly amazing. Pretty sure I am the luckiest guy on this side of the grass.

My daughter got a dog before she got married. Juno, great little German Shepherd mix, 30-40 pounds maybe, total sweet heart. Mom loved when they went out of town, because she would have the dog for a week. Daughter got married, and they struggled to have children for years, getting pregnant and carrying to term. Finally have their daughter when the dog is about 5 years old. Dog and kid sleep in the same bed since the kid stopped sleeping in a crib, that sort of deal. Dog gets to 15 years old and is losing ability to walk and hold her water, and they make that difficult call. The night before they are going to take her to the vet, most of us went over to pay our respects and to support my daughter and her daughter during this difficult time. All of us except the ex wife. Daughter calls her about it, and mom tells her the other dog does not get along with her dog, so she stayed home. This is a pretty lame answer, and when my daughter presses her on it, the expansion on the lame answer was, "It is just a dog." Totally the wrong thing to say. My daughter and the current spouse are tight, so she is talking to my wife all night about this stuff, literally all night, like for hours.

During the course of this discussion, my daughter comments on how surprised she is about how I act now, versus how I was many years ago, according to her mother. She was told I did not want to have anything to do with them, abandoned my family to go hook up with a trophy wife. Karma from this is why my current wife was not able to have kids. Never gave them any financial support, all sorts of BS. The wife tells her the first 3 years after we got married, we came every Thanksgiving to spend a week with the kids, bring Christmas presents, that sort of stuff, and the ex would take them out of town. The ex had a son when I met her, from 2-6 I was dad, and when I went to get my kids, I asked if the other son could come with us, and she never let him. Always lied and said he was bonding with his stepfather, who chased his ass out of the house when he was 15. That part maybe bothered me the most. Daughter starts with some very specific questions. Wife felt like she screwed up, telling her all that stuff, but what is she going to do, lie? My daughter is not one to curse, but the F bombs were flying, ending with, "I am calling by brother about that ****** B-ch"

I sent out a group text to the siblings, cat is out of the bag, okay to tell the kids about the ex. My sister comes back with she already told the son in law and daughter in law the score, never told her not to talk to them. Engineers, am I right? I also was too kind to the ex at the time, according to her. "I would have pressed charges for kidnapping the first time she did not have the kids ready to be picked up. She left the ****** COUNTRY with your kids when you were supposed to have them. You call the GD FBI about that! You always treated her better than you should have" There are times I am glad my sister does not raise pigs, mostly when she is talking about my brother or my ex wives. I honestly feel sorry for the ex. None of the grandkids like her, her second husband is getting Parkinson's, her brother is an alcoholic drug addict. She actually asked if I knew anyone who could take care of her brother. All those guys are dead or in the State Pen. She is going to be a lonely old lady, actually already sort of is. I know it is her own doing, but I still pity her, even after all she has done to me and our children.

Found out why my daughter became a nurse out of this. When she was about 12, she came out to visit and cut her foot in the lake. I stitched her up, but my wife, the nurse, took care of her, explained what was going to happen, gave her a tetanus shot, told her it would hurt, but had to be done. Daughter decided then that she wanted to be whatever my wife was. I did not find that out until a couple days ago.

You can learn a lot from a dog.

[Dantilla]

Thanks.
My wife gets an extra hug tonight.
Glad we have committed to each other for the long haul.

[sc_rufctr]

You can learn a lot from a dog.

True. All the best Champ!

[Seahawk]

Yup.



My relationship with my children is penultimate to me: I don't go to church but I ask in prayer, every night, for my children's solace and happiness...

[Crowbob]

Been there, Toby.

Father’s Day BBQ at my house with all the kids and all the grandkids this Sunday. They all live inside of 20 minutes’ drive. I invited the Ex who recently moved here from Florida. She’s a lonely old lady, now.

What’s ironical about it all is that my kids learned tolerance and forgiveness because I do things like invite their lonely old mom over for Father’s Day. My kids now believe my struggle to stay in their lives ‘saved’ them. While growing up they had no idea.

[gacook]

Very, very familiar story with my ex. And it's turned out just as I thought...now that my kids are (mostly) adults, they're tied less and less to her. As teens, they started waking up but I don't talk smack about the ex, even when the kids do. "She's your mother; be nice," is what I typically say. Glad they've opened their eyes; hope she opens hers before it's too late.

[masraum]

I'm glad that it worked out for so many of you after having taken the high road.

Whatever doesn't kill you...

I'm mostly glad that I avoided the crazy when I was young.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by gacook

Very, very familiar story with my ex. And it's turned out just as I thought...now that my kids are (mostly) adults, they're tied less and less to her. As teens, they started waking up but I don't talk smack about the ex, even when the kids do. "She's your mother; be nice," is what I typically say. Glad they've opened their eyes; hope she opens hers before it's too late.

Perfect, Guy.

I did not get married until I was in my mid 30's...any number of reasons but mainly the disillusionment of so many marriages of people I knew, the weddings I was a part of in the late 70's and 80's spooked me. I was also a bit of a rolling stone.

That and the military is hard on marriages...the demands of service either helps form a stronger bond or takes marriages apart like a Walmart tuxedo.

So far so good...33 years and I have only been shot twice.

[jhynesrockmtn]

I feel so lucky to be able to call my ex a friend, great mom and someone I would call in a pinch if I needed. We have both remarried, but regularly get together to celebrate the kids and grandkids.

You've done an amazing job in a crap situation. Kudos to how you handled all of it. Playing the long game and taking the high road has you reaping the rewards of being a good person.

[LWJ]

Nice.

Karma is a *****.

[juanbenae]

I had a cat years ago that was a fixed male about 12 years old and he started spray pissing on things in the house. It really came out of nowhere all of a sudden after I had started dating a chick that admittedly did not like cats. I researched it a bunch and it seemed that some older male cats, even when neutered can start doing this as they age. I tried a couple things including buying these plug in pheromone deals akin to the air freshener things. slowed it, but it was still a huge problem and even my vet buddy pretty much said it can happen as they get more curmudgeonly.

It got to the point where I was considering having him put down cause he was an inside/outside cat so locking him out full time was not doable. yada, yada, yada the chick did not work out and about a week after we quit seeing each other the pissing stopped as quickly as it had appeared. my family later told me after we had broken up they did not like her either. cat lived to almost 15 y/o and never pissed in the house again.

[Baz]

Mr. Tob.....

First off - you know I love you man.

The lesson here (as mentioned by both Steve and Jerry) is about taking the high road.

Not letting others take you off course.

Off your moral compass.

Not always an easy thing.

We are tested every day and we are not perfect.

It's when we succeed in taking the high road that we deserve a little recognition.

I'm grateful we have such a forum here to share our stories.

Thank you Tob for being a good man and standing tall......thank you Pelican.....and thank you fellow Pelicans!

[KFC911]

Sooo..... cats don't always take the high road?

My friends have a black Lab named Karma

[Tobra]

I thought Karma was a German Shepherd

You know B, as I have gone through life and been confronted by a choice in how to act or treat some one, I think what would I do or say if my mother or father were standing there. Don't always measure up, but fortunately at the times it has really mattered, I manage to stumble onto the right path.

Luckiest guy on this side of the grass

My brother made his son spend time with his ex wife after he got custody. Had to make him for a while anyway, Kid looked out for his stepsister, who I like

My ex and my brother's ex are the only people my mother did not care for, because of how they treated their children. It is just beyond my comprehension how any one could do their own kid the way those women did

[Superman]

Very poignant and well-written story Tobra, with important lessons.

Dogs out-perform people every time, by a wide margin.

Always take the high road. It is the "right" thing to do. The mature and compassionate thing. And in the end, it preserves more than just your moral compass. It also preserves your credibility.

[Zeke]

My reading comprehension just drowned.

Do me a favor and submit that to Chatbox and print what comes back. Could be a movie in there somewhere.

[pwd72s]

Stories like these make me glad I married only once. Just lucky, I guess. Tobra, glad it all worked out well for you...the Karma thing...