Assohe sibling etiquette.
 

My 56 yo brother appears to have reoccurring liver issues....chemo, radiation etc. The docs just delivered the "stage four" prognosis....

I've had some issues with him over the years, sinking my jet skis, and other financials issues.

5 kids, SO...teachers'......

Other issues if you have some legitimate advice.

Only legitimate advice here is to make sure his legal papers are in order and the funeral expenses are not going to be a burden. I'm not sure what etiquette is needed. I guess if you can't say something nice....

He's your brother. He's dying. Be the brother he needs. You'll feel better about yourself when it's all over.

If the kids are minors, make sure everything is taken care of.

You may never hear a thank you for the financial help, or a I'm sorry I sank your jet skis. Doesn't matter now.

Do a brothers week-end someplace. He wasn't always bad.

Let go the bad memories now. If you can't, then walk away.

I did this with my family a decade+ ago. Sucks but sometimes that's all that can be done.

Sorry about this terrible news.

Try to spend some time with him, being mindful of his kids and wife wanting to do the same.

My brother isn't always easy to get along with but I sure wouldn't hold a grudge if he had a similar prognosis.

It's a fine line you are walking. If you do too much everyone will see it as you taking over and controlling everything. And when something goes wrong and when everyone inevitably gets angry - it will be seen as your fault.

I'd be inclined to say lots of kind words, shed tears, but don't give them any money/buy them a car/lend them a house.

I've sort of got a similar situation with my sister. I have done EVERYTHING I possibly could for her. Then she lost her temper and sees me as the enemy. And confides in those who have done NOTHING about how hard done by she is and how horrible Bill is. If I'd done nothing I'd still be one of the good guys.

I am now down to one surviving uncle. All of my aunts and uncles on my dad's side are long gone. My Uncle Dieter, on my mom's side, is the last one left. My Uncle Eide (pronounce Aydee, short for Eduard in German) passed just one month ago. The two of them had not spoken for perhaps 30 years, Dieter blaming Eide and Eide blaming Dieter. Eide had been the one actually reaching out, willing to bury the hatchet and forget whatever it was. Dieter held fast. Now that Eide is gone, and Dieter's stubbornness prevailed, he is inconsolable. He always thought he would have more time. But he still wanted to "make a point".

Arg. Family conflicts. Yuck.

I, too, have a difficult brother. He is a real pain at times. But, I love him and he is my only sibling.

Good luck. Do what you need to do.

Put all the bad stuff aside, embrace him (emotionally if not physically), be there for the family. You won’t regret it, but you might regret NOT doing it once it’s too late.

Deep down I believe you know the right thing to do . Don't put yourself in a position of later saying I shoulda/coulda/woulda . It's too late then .

Well, my meth head half-step-brother (my dad and his first wife adopted him, then they divorced, dad married my mom and then they adopted me) gave me a black eye and bloody nose after I interrupted him while he was talking Thanksgiving night after delivering him a plate of food, some pie, and a couple of cold beers....

Thank you folks, for reminding me of how great my siblings were and are.(5 left out of 9). Given the prevalence of A holes in families, that leaves me!:D

Best
Les

My oldest Sister and I have not really spoken in 25 years. I had to call her when my Father died and then again a few months later when I needed her permission as the oldest surviving sibling to have my Mother's ashes interred at West Point with my Father's. It was both of their wishes

She agreed over the phone and I gave her all the information she needed to contact West Point and make arrangements.

She then called West Point and told them she did not support the internment.

Amazing but in character.

Still, if she was dying I would bury the hatchet...right in her skull.

I am kidding. I'd go if she asked.

I just don't get how some families can't get along . It really baffles me . I have one sibling an older brother . We have always gotten along and respectful of each other . I consider myself lucky .

Do what ever it takes for you to not have any regrets.

My sister similarly did her best but not that obtuse. I was (finally) guilty of same. Sibling rivalry is a strange thing. Everybody loses. Now is the time to reconnect and get affairs in order for the good of everybody. Say what you need to say, diplomatically, but bite yer tongue while at it. The quiet blade sinks deepest. You are there to help him for once in a lifetime. Many things are already pondered, and known, and past mistakes are usually made by two people. Put down your guarded fist and get things done. Together.

She is the outlier...the rest of us got/get along famously.

In the end all you have is your family when it comes down to it.
My brothers and me have struggled mightily to honor our Father's last words to us.
"My Sons, please find a way to stay brother's"
All our children were there and heard those words, I told my kids you'll hear the same thing for me on deaths door too.

[QUOTE=john70t;12147703]My sister similarly did her best but not that obtuse. I was (finally) guilty of same. Sibling rivalry is a strange thing. Everybody loses. Now is the time to reconnect and get affairs in order for the good of everybody. Say what you need to say, diplomatically, but bite yer tongue while at it. The quiet blade sinks deepest. You are there to help him for once in a lifetime. Many things are already pondered, and known, and past mistakes are usually made

I so needed this..
she arrives tonight..
Mom's in ICU..
all good..but it won't be afterwards..

Rika

This.