It is very difficult to shelter (move) money at the last minute. There was a 5 year look back during the time of my mom's illness, I believe it is 10 years now. I suggest that you talk to a financial advisor to find ways to move money. Having said that, long term care costs are very expensive and can drain every last dime and tangible asset. My brother and I went thru allot of cash but managed to shelter my parent's house and some savings.

That’s a rough situation. One of the hardest parts of our medical coverage in the US, outside the cost, is finding someone with knowledge to advocate for you.

This is what I went through with my Mom. Every Last Penny

After the assets were gone did they throw her out into the cold?

My parents never had much money to shelter and I don't think anyone suffered for it. They owned their own house and had no debt from the time they were in their 60s. When Dad went into the dementia care home (at about my current age :eek:) he used his social security income to pay for a small part of the care, the rest was paid for by the State of Ohio through Medicaid. Health care was paid for by Medicaid and Medicare. Mom lived in the house and collected social security, plus support from my brother and I. Anything big she needed we bought and kept the receipts. When she needed a new car I bought it and kept it in my name. A week after Dad died she went into the same facility but only lived another month.

I never saw a "bill" per se for their care, but given the monthly rate at the facility and the fact that Dad was there for 10 years, the State paid over 3/4 of a million dollars. In order to recoup some of their expense for their care the State of Ohio claimed possession of all their assets - basically the house - after Mom died. I was able to negotiate a favorable price for the house and bought it from the State. My brother lives there now.

I'm grateful that "the system" took care of my parents long past their ability to pay for their care and the family (my brother and I) was not burdened with the cost.

My son ( while he was in medical school) would advise my wife and I to get long term care insurance. He witnessed people that had no assets and the hell holes they were put in.

Thank you and sorry for those who have lost their parents. This is a cruel disease. I've had some quiet moments with my Mom in the hospital which has been nice. The last few years have been hard because she has so many delusions and paranoia. I've had to treat her like a defiant 2 year old at times.

Luckily for us she put us on her bank accounts several years back and when she sold her house it gave her a bit of a nest egg that has paid for a nice place.

She has an advanced directive and set us up so we are her power of attorney for health decisions. We also walked through all of this before her steep decline. My sister and I are on the same page. That's how you do it ahead of time.

To that end, the case manager RN at the hospital set up a meeting that will likely lead to hospice care. That meeting happens today. The most common cause of death from dementia is basically the inability or lack of desire to eat and drink. It sounds like we are close to that. They can then manage her comfort with meds. This should be able to happen back at her memory care facility. The meeting will go over what interventions we want in detail and make sure those are documented for everyone. Right now she has a DNR and no intubation order in place. We'll decide feeding and more detailed medical interventions this morning.

The money thing is tricky. If she lived another 18 months or so her savings would be gone. Then she has about $4,000/month of income. Her current cost of living is $8,600/month and with higher care levels that could quickly become $12,000/month or more. Once her savings is gone she'd have to go on medicaid and finding a medicaid bed becomes a problem. Most places want you to private pay for some period of time before you are eligible for a medicaid bed, if they have one. Her current facility does not. I don't want this to go to PARF so I'll leave it there.

What you went thru is a similar path. As long as the marital spouse is alive and in their own home, that asset can't be touched. However, the house is in play when the surviving spouse dies. That includes everything in the house. The $75K/yr cost is not high. Annual cost for my mom in 4 yrs from 1994 -1998 was $60K. Her SS check went directly to the care facility.

I have a friend who had 24 hr care for his mom who remained in her home until she died in 2019. For the 4 yrs she was cared for, he told me that cost $90K/yr. I'm 73 and I can't imagine what 24-hour care will cost in 10 -15 years.

Basically yes but my niece works in the Connecticut system and helped me navigate the NJ maze to find Mom space in a Medicaid facility. They took her social security money for the bed and meals but that was it.

You'd think they'd eventually wise up but NOOOOO.

Mom passed last night. She had been placed into hospice back at her memory care facility on Thursday afternoon. She never woke up. My daughter and my ex wife drove over. A priest gave her last rights. My sister brought my Mom's dog, who's she has had now for 4 years to visit. Of course she kissed her face and snuggled right up to her. She's at peace now.

http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1707575913.jpg

I'm so sorry for your loss, Jerry......but all things considered it's a blessing her suffering has come to an end.

Having her puppy with her I'm sure gave her much comfort.

Tough situation but respect to you for doing what you could for your Mom.

Sending love, Baz

May her memory be eternal.

So sorry for your loss.

Despite it being one of the "It was a blessing" deaths, it still hurts. I know.

I’m so sorry for your loss Jerry.

Mom.

That is all I have.

And dog. What a heart wrenching photo.

Best.

Sorry for your loss . RIP to your mom .

My god, Jerry...just seeing this thread now and so sorry for your loss. This is almost word-for-word how my mom went at age 87...right down to the one or two day stay at the hospice in the memory care facility. All happened back in 2018, (I think). Like Joe Biden, I can't pin down the year because it was so painful. I have rarely spoken of it and never written about it here, you are very brave for sharing it.

I'm going to try to call you but I understand if you are too busy to talk. Peace be with you.

Sorry for your loss. It’s tough, having just gone through it, but I like to think she’s in a better place.

Sorry for your loss.

Moms are special.