Originally Posted by Norm K (Post 12272016)

Went through the loss of what we long believed to be our dearest friends a couple of years back. As families, we did virtually everything together: Thanksgiving, Christmas, weekends, spent a month together traveling Australia ... everything. Hell, their son lived with us as they dealt with the aftermath of their daughter's attempted suicide (we were at the hospital every day for nearly two months while she began her long road back to a somewhat normal life). We were about as close as two families can be for over fifteen years.

Then we announced our retirement and re-location. Of everyone we knew, literally everyone, including people who were just close acquaintances, this couple were the only ones who didn't wish us well, or even tell us goodbye.

The initial confusion and hurt we experienced has been replaced by pretty much complete ambivalence. I don't wish them any ill, I really just can't spend any time caring.

_

Originally Posted by berettafan (Post 12272151)

I don't know. I hesitate to do that for two reasons. First he is not a 'feelings' guy. We have never, that I can recall, had a conversation about struggles in life or sadness or joy or any of that.

How do you know this isn’t the hole in his life that coach is filling?

He's just go go go all the time.

And this is why he needs a friend that can talk him through… stuff.

Secondly I am not certain that this isn't entirely my own problem and not his.

I guarantee you it’s on both of you to put effort into this friendship. It sounds like you are ready to abandon it.

Who am I to demand a different level of care that I don't think he gives anyone. I dunno. I wonder how on point Speeder's comments might actually be. It hurts to think that and surely makes me feel like a fool but I guess I could list some occasions where many of you guys would be getting calls from your good friends with real heart to heart talks and we had no such thing.


I am fortunate to have a couple good friends. We all use the same executive coach. She’s taught us all to open up with one another.

Is it normal to not know what normal is? I have this perception that some guys have close friends and always do stuff together for the joy of togetherness and other guys have nothing more than a few acquaintances as they devote their lives to their wife and kids. I just don't know and of course you don't ever ask people such a question. with matters like this I often feel like I missed a week in class where they covered such things.

I have no right to complain though. My wife and kids are wonderful and love me. they are all healthy. I've got two dogs that are of course perfect beings and until about 5 years ago I was certain I could never live with a dog due to allergies. My business is going well, we are paying the bills and doing more to help my son with college than I ever thought we could. So many things are going great and so many better people in the world are suffering from losses both financial and personal.


It’s not a contest. Life is an infinite game, there are no trophies handed out at funerals.

Again thank you guys. All of you have given me a ton to digest and think about and perhaps most important you are answering that question - what is normal - which I could never ask other people in person. I owe you all.

Originally Posted by wdfifteen (Post 12272327)

I clearly remember the day I learned not to trust friendships. I was six years old, standing in line to get on the school bus. I trust some people more than others, but in general I don't trust humans.