Do you charge your SO for services rendered ?
 

In the famous words of our drinking buddy Phil, " hey lady , D#&k doesn't grow on trees " . He actually used that line on a girl he was chatting up at the bar one night. He didnt get anywhere with her, but It has lived on in infamy our minds for 25 years .
So , my new girl and I are a perfect fit . She has an Audi with 170,000 miles, and I work on German cars . I should have seen her coming a mile away ...
She was at my house last weekend, and her car left a 3 inch puddle of oil in my driveway . It needs an oil filter housing, brakes and rotors a check e light is on ,and a few bulbs out .
I made her take my Volvo home and I kept her car for the week to take care of some maintenance for her .
I spent a few hours of work time on it during business hours this week, but think Ill jam in some midnight oil to take care of the rest of it to keep it more or less " off the books " per se.
Id say we have been causually seeing each other for 6 months now .
I pretty much already know what Im gonna do , but curios where you guys would stand .
The one thing I have learned about being a single man in my 50's.. Despite them being strong independent women, There sure are a lot of needy chicks out there . A guy with his gaurd down , could easily be taken advantage of .
I have watched women, just plow over my good friend for decades now . He is good looking , sucessful , and he is one of the nicest people on the planet. Most women really clean up on him ,although he finally married.
Im happy to help people around me though . It makes me feel good. Most times, it reciprocates as well .

Labor free. Pay for parts. Fluids and stuff that I have in inventory, no.
But I never made living wrenching. When I was doing my law thing, no, family/friends were gratis for "normal" tasks-just don't ask me to handle your year long litigation.

About 20 yrs ago I was introduced to a girl who had turned me down on Match.com, but then wanted to go out with me when a mutual friend told her about me. I had parked my 911 at the Metro and she gave me a ride there in her Boxster after our drinks. We chatted about our cars a bit and I invited her to a PCA tech session, where I was manning a lift and said I'd change her oil and filters if she brought me the parts. I did that, then she kind of ghosted me. A few mos later I was copied on a mass email from her saying she had been laid off and asking for job leads. Darn.

for car repairs ... you pay parts, i have no issue with the labor.

esp since most to of the time women i know want to help/be involved.

i can't imagine dating someone and then charging them, like ... what?

I've done a ton of stuff for women over the years. The majority being ones I'm involved with.

I don't mind if it doesn't have any significant impact on my schedule or finances. I think that's the real key. Don't bend too far over.....do stuff you can do without any harm to yourself. That's the healthy approach for the relationship.

It will be different for everyone.

no charging, but its likely you will be quite tired after working on janky old German car and may need some relaxation therapy, she may be able to help

It depends.

Did the SO vehemently insists that they pay?

I think there's a name for that. ;)

I have worked on a few girlfriends cars, back in my single days. Easy brake pad changes or oil changes. No major work. I pretty much stopped that when I changed brake pads for one chick, and two months later she said ever since I did that her engine was getting hot. I took a look, and it was way low on coolant, and it was coming out of the radiator. We had broken up two weeks earlier, so I told took her the FLAPS for her to buy antifreeze, and I showed her how to add coolant. I told her she would have to take the car to a shop, as I was not going to fix it.

I am old school, and it is just what men do IMHO. I fixed my girl's car and bought the parts while still in high school (flipping burgers). Not because she asked, but because I cared for her and did not want her driving an unsafe car. I wanted her to be available (not stuck at home with a dead car) and wanted her to think of me favorably (as someone that could do/take care of things/her).

She was middle-class and I was dirt poor. Her father was an incredibly skilled wrench, and I knew nothing...yet I fixed her car. If you want to be the man, you have to be the man. Yep, she could have dumped me the next day, but that was a chance I was willing to take. She would not have been the first or last beautiful woman to use me. I guess if she had dumped me, the fact that I was generous, took good care of her (genuinely good guy reputation) would have served me well among her peers and would have probably helped me in a future romance (small town...things get around) if she had moved on.

She was far out of my league, and I am sure her parents wanted/expected her to do better. Got the girl and the begrudging respect of her father (he is a man of few words and that was one of the few positive things I have ever heard him say about me). She got her car fixed, I learned about such things, and I was certainly well rewarded for my efforts/consideration in ways that I was well satisfied with. Spending time with a beautiful (and grateful) woman is invaluable...and women love a guy that can roll up their sleeves and actually do things/get their hands dirty. One fares better as an alpha rather than a beta cluck.

If it (working on cars) were my business, I might look at it differently. But, in my world, one could spend their time and money in worse ways than fixing a friend's car (male or female).

Two things in life that I've learned;

1, Often, two people can do the work of three.

b, I don't have the skills to do everything that needs to get done.

(I guess what I'm saying is, sometimes when I'm doing something for someone where I know what I'm doing, someone else is doing something else that needs attention, that might be a little bit of a challenge for me.)

If it's major she'll pay for the parts, but I'd never dream of charging her for my time. For small things I'd just take care of it. That said, I don't even have time for all of my own car work, and she drives a Prius, so it doesn't need much. She's happy taking it to a shop for things like oil changes and whatever else it needs, though I do advise her on whatever she asks me for. When winter is over I'd like to go find a new liftgate bezel to replace the broken one, and polish out the yellowed headlamp lenses to surprise her with.

I've got so many questions ... and even more answers...

None will help you out tho'...

Does she charge more for specialty parts and extra for holiday rates :D?

Does she at least have a nice 10mm socket?

She has the whole set ! even 11, 16 and 20 mm.

I read new girl and casual.
"Might as well fall on your face than bend too far backwards" -quote by somebody.

I look at it this way: You have a personal side (which you'd like to share with her), and a business side (which pays the bills).
One of those is mandatory.
Working for free on her car not only creates a no-income space on your calendar, you're also losing income you'd normally get in that time slot. Business is business.

If this is a 'work for a friend' situation, she can at least pay for parts and hang out while you do the heavy stuff, then you can watch as she vacuums out the interior and fixes the bulbs the ones waaay back in there while you watch. Ash, gas, or cash nobody rides for free.

I really enjoy these threads you start because they make me think about things I have never considered. Like what it is like to be old and dating. I suspect that many older, married guys just think of it as fewer responsibilities, more freedom, and lots of young hardbodies and nights of debauchery. A lot like when they were young and single. To me, dating was sort of a pure, magical, romantic thing...looking for one's life partner and trying to win her (with raging hormones and acne) ...and the joy of success. I often think back to those days and the emotional roller coaster...which were among the best (and on occasion the worst) days of my life.

Also, it is interesting to try and understand how one's business (or wealth/possessions) might affect a relationship...and how one might be used by only causally interested women. I never had much of anything when I was dating (except my personality and physical attributes), and I was not tall, dark and handsome. I imagine that lots of women use their looks/sex appeal (and men) out of habit and don't ever even consider that to be the case as they have done it their entire life. I imagine others know and use their P-power intentionally and often (to get whatever they desire). I am reminded of the movie where the beautiful cheerleader sucks face with the convenience store clerk to buy beer when underage...and the geek boy (loser) with her is disgusted and later tells her that she was "better than that." She was.

Turnabout seems fair play to me. If one works to fix their car or things around their home, they really should reciprocate with a home cooked meal or two (or similar).

This is a great question and very apropos for those of us with a reputation for working on cars, even without owning a professional repair facility.

This is how it works for me: if I am in love with someone, she pays for nothing. I'd probably buy her a better car, if necessary. Generosity feels great when it's appropriate. For friends, (male of female), I charge them for repairs but use better parts and charge less labor than a shop with all kinds of overhead I don't have. I have a handful of good friends whose cars I take care of unless it involves heavy line work like suspension stuff that needs to be done off the ground. Mind you, I still beat up my old, worn out body doing suspension work on my own cars but that's where I draw that line.

The friends who I help out with auto repair, (also PPIs or going with them to look at used cars), are all people that I really care about and want in my life. Most are generous in some way to me as well.

For someone who you are casually dating, (not sure if I read that right), it's a little more dicey and I think that a woman of good character would not expect you to do significant work on her car for free. Auto repair is expensive and not a trivial thing. It should be entirely up to you. I'm with Fint wrt being an old fashioned guy who likes to help women and be chivalrous and all that but boundaries must be established or you will get steamrolled.

I've definately helped, but I'm not a pro mechanic.

-Ex girlfriend was unhappy with what the dealer was going to charge for routine maintenance of her RX-7. Come on over, I'll take care of it in my driveway.
We're no longer dating, but still friends.

-Sister-in-law had a new Mercedes when hubby walked out on her, leaving her in a financial mess.
Sure, I'll do an oil change. Bought the filter from the dealer so there was a maintenance record to keep her warranty intact.

Learned why mechanics like working for a dealer- I only pay cash for used cars, and anytime underneath, get a face full of dirt/grease.
Wow. New car still under warranty, and everything is still clean, all the fasteners come off easily, go back in like new. No broken bolts, no naughty words, in and out quickly. Nice.


If I was a pro mechanic, I'd probably have a problem doing freebies during the normal work day.
What you have to sell is time on the lift. It's there to earn your income.
Nobody with a grocery store is going to offer groceries to their friends for free.

Years ago, dated a cosmetologist. "Dan, your hair is getting shaggy. Let's go to the shop."
Always after hours. Never a free haircut during her business day.

Sorry for rambling....

Having men do things for us is one of the privileges of being a woman. Personally, I'm happy to let a guy help me, provided I like him. It's a way of acknowledging his value, and it does indeed garner repricosity.

And don't blame us for how things work. Y'all are the ones angling to gain an advantage over all the other guys. ;)