The leaves are big and shades the hen house nicely. I like it but it's a PIA when it's fruiting

I was just in the garden today and noticed our two fig trees are starting to have a few worthy of picking! I'll have to post some pics.

You just described my wife's grandfather perfectly! (Well, except that he would indignantly point out that he was Sicilian and not "Italian".) And yes, he did have a garden in his small back yard that produced, among other things, many wonderful figs.

LOL .... spent years together ... then she eats half of vash's only fig... or he ate half of hers!

And it was awesome .... and very cool too ;)

Don't let Jesus anywhere near barren fig trees.

Growing up we had quite a few fig trees, since my grandfather and father were old Italian guys. Fig trees are very sensitive to trauma, transplanting in particular. Leave it be, give it time. It may take a few seasons to really start to thrive. Feed it with a fertilizer with equal NPK and mulch to keep the soil moist. The old guys used to get horse manure delivered once a year by the yard. Yes, guess who had to shovel.

My wife and I both have brown thumbs but the only thing we've managed not to kill is a fig tree. It's appeared to die a couple times after freezes but then it comes right back. If we could just keep the squirrels from taking a bite of almost every green fig before it ripens we'd have a ton of figs!

We have a large fig orchard/farm a couple of blocks from my work. They cut back the trees to almost nothing and they grow back huge.

The 2 secrets of growing things by Masraum.

1 Let Mother Nature handle it. If she kills it, it's her fault, not yours.
2 If a plant can't handle our cold, heat, rain, or drought, then that's the plant's fault, not yours. Plant things that thrive in our environment. If bad weather kills it, then it just wasn't meant to be.

Plants that are native to our area are likely to handle our heat, cold, rain, and droughts. Or stuff that you see growing EVERYWHERE around here are also good bets.

Don't assume that because they are selling it at Lowes or HD that it grows in our environment.

I live in a pretty forgiving zone and everything seems to do well here but only if I plant it and not my wife.
I've always had vegetable gardens but don't consider myself a serious gardener and certainly not an expert. My wife tries to be a serious gardener and reads up on how to plant everything right (I do not). Funny how some people just have a green thumb and it really pisses my wife off. I've shown her how I plant stuff but too no avail. I made a little joke once in the garden.
They should have sent you to Vietnam
What! Why?
They wouldn't have needed agent orange.
She laughed but probably wanted to cry

I'm pretty sure it's only ~ 32% urea, and the remainder is deionized water. But it's still a good fertilizer.

That's probably correct. I meant the only active ingredient is urea, so its safe to use on plants and lawns.

Sounds like you just need to pee or your fig bush