I got into a conversation with a good friend about narcissism.
 

like all mental things, there are levels of it. my mom has several traits. we started talking about friendships. I've been bothered by one of mine for awhile.

my friend told me he has several "friends" with it and it took awhile to notice. it got me thinking about my own circle of people. there is one standout. one guy I fish with, laugh with and despite all of it, I dont feel any connection..no closeness.. realizations set in.. conversations are only halfway. example, if he went fishing and caught fish, I start up asking questions, engaging with him. what did it bite on? where were you? WAS IT EXCITING??.

recently I called him and told him I finally went ocean fishing. NOTHING. I think I got a "no way, not me". and he started telling me his stuff. I used to think he was simply one-upping me all the time. he never asked me a single question about my day..was it scary? fun? am I going to do it again?

lack of empathy.
grandiose thinking.
can deal it out, but cant take it.
bad with criticism.
blown up self importance, entitlement,
demands adoration and accolades.

hahah..I was feeding my fishing buddy a huge dose of it..what he needed.

I'm happy he is afraid off the ocean :D. I thought it was me, tainting that friendship.

my good friend that helped me talk thru it is meeting me in Tokyo. it will be a blast and we both felt it will be a good reminder what a healthy friendship looks and feels like. we are both excited to meet each others wives. they have met, but only 10 feet apart while wearing covid masks. hardly an introduction. I need to meet his wife, I plan on surfing his couch in MN, doing some smallmouth fishing next year. :D

I woke up this morning thinking about this. thanks for the rant. it is no surprise my childhood didnt give me the tools to self reflect - I had to work that all out by myself.

I have a very close friend that when you are telling him something he is looking straight through just waiting so he can tell you his story. Sad really.

In my experience, the narcissist will never admit to making a mistake.
In their mind, they never have made a mistake.
They are always right, and everybody else is wrong. If you disagree with them, you are stupid.

My ex-wife. I have 20+ years of experience with a narcissist. Shockingly I didn't put 2 and 2 together until our therapist (marriage counselor) dropped the bomb on me in a one-on-one session right before we got divorced. Now it is all crystal clear.

I was 10 years old when I watched and noticed my mom doing this to her friends. you describe it beautifully. her friends were amazing. warm, loving...

Definately know several people like this.

The worst offender I know was also very charismatic about these ways. In small doses it seemed charming. He used it to great effect in the work environment, but people that worked with him longer term knew he was largely FOS

Narcissism, like all personality disorders, exists in various people in various degrees. It can be problematic to make wide, generalized statements about people because people are complicated...someone can have good qualities as well as bad ones. In fact, that describes everyone on earth unless they are a saint.

Both of my parents were narcissists but not at all similar in other ways. My mom was also extremely empathetic and caring about others and my dad was generous and a great guy some of the time but not all of the time. Both were great conversationalists as long as they thought someone was worthy of talking to. My mom was more of an equal opportunity person who assumed the best about people until they proved otherwise but both of them had zero tolerance for cruelty or stupidity, which often go together. My mom was what people would refer to as a good Catholic and my dad was an "in your face" sinner but also the least hypocritical person who ever lived, at least according to someone eulogizing him at his memorial. :D

I have narcissistic qualities but I also know that I have serious flaws...I don't think that I'm anywhere within 100 miles of being perfect. I also know that narcissism can be draining and unpleasant to be around. It's something to recognize and work on within one's self because trust me, you can't work on it in others. :)

Let me guess....
You're right and the X is wrong? :D

I have two BILs that are textbook, really don’t like hanging out with either. Nothing with them is ever “real”, they never show any vulnerability and nothing is ever wrong in their lives. It’s topical, nothing ever goes lower than the superficial and what they want you to see. And of course they are expert one-uppers, especially the one who has some money that he likes to throw around. Whatever, life is too short to hang out with people like that.

The primary sign I see: Narcissists have to be the hero or the victim. There are no other conceivable realities for them.

I remove them from my personal life, and try to see the humor of their self-infatuation in my work life.

Being disengaged, or not interested in other people's lives can also be introversion, or social awkwardness, so you need some more evidence.

100%. there are a few here on this forum. lovely people, tho :D

Threads seem to always become about me ... it's a gift :D

That's funny right there!!! :D

That’s the cross you bear for being so damned interesting!:D

I hate narcissists, so I guess things even out in a way.

I googled famous malignant narcissists and Hitler, Stalin, and Mussolini came up. Saddam Hussein, Mao Zedong, and Gamal Abdel Nasser came up as less severe examples. Mussolini seemed to capture my image of it the best, with his mannerisms.

I deleted my original post, afraid he would see it. Even though I don't think he is on these forums. Then I realized it was here anyway, and more importantly, it's probably something I should just sit down and talk with him about rather than avoiding. He does have a good heart.

I guess there's 8 types.

https://www.family-institute.org/behavioral-health-resources/eight-types-narcissists

I'll delete mine too. Just on the off chance that it can avoid future problems.

Perhaps we should add Paranoia to this discussion...

Now you guys have gotten me completely confused. :)

I notice this a lot with car people. When I'm at a C&C with my old VW, someone will usually come up and ask what year it is. After telling them, they'll immediately launch into a tedious monologue all about THEIR car...what a smokin' deal they got on it, all the work they've done to it, etc, etc. The conversation never circles back with any followup interest in my stuff. That initial question just gives them an 'in' to start talking about themselves.

For this very reason, there are some regulars at my local C&C that I'll go out of my way to avoid so as not to get tangled up in one of those 'I-me-mine' conversations.

Friendship is a two-way street. True friends don't see others merely as an audience for their own drama.

Yep. Family and co-workers.

You can't fix some people. Keep your distance. Keep your engagement / disappointment to something that is tolerable.

I'm definitely one variety of a narcissist and a selective misanthrope, among other things.

I am a good listener I think. Most people I meet or are friends with are fascinating people across the spectrum. I learn a lot.

So, kind of a self-centered, curious curmudgeon.

I consistently test to INFJ-A. I'm hyper curious and don't know what I can't do so I do everything. I am both constantly amazed (in a good way) at the kind of people I meet and disappointed with everyone else.

I could go on but then I'd just be making this thread about me. :D

Seriously, I think some of my closest friends, we are all narcissists but also empathic idealists, so the combination really works for all of us as a tight knit group.

There are many people on this forum that I wish I knew, knew; I am aspirational to some of their personality types, intelligence, wisdom, etc. But they are too far away.

+1

(Rambling here like most of my posts http://forums.pelicanparts.com/suppo...leys/freak.gif)

Schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder were my initial thoughts about a friend.

I said "That's something a narcissist would say." That ended our "friendship. The person did not care for that at all.
They are disorder(s) and by no means an idiosyncrasy.

(I am aware of the Johari Window and I know I was part of the problem but damn when they go off the rails with abby-normal behavior it is scary)


.

Everyone claims they know a narcissist, but no one admits they're one.

http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1754070902.jpg

I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken. 🤪

I've learned to embrace being wrong. It means I've learned something.
I used to worry about making decisions so I wouldn't fail. That was a big mistake right there. :D

[QUOTE=vash;12507010example, if he went fishing and caught fish, I start up asking questions, engaging with him. what did it bite on? where were you? WAS IT EXCITING??.

recently I called him and told him I finally went ocean fishing. NOTHING. I think I got a "no way, not me". and he started telling me his stuff. [/QUOTE]

This is familiar. Early this year my sister asked me if she could crash with me to come see Widespread Panic at the Chicago Theater in June. I said of course, but there's a good chance I'll be gone that weekend. You're welcome regardless. Come for as long as you like. Turns out I was going to be gone (we were at Ruchlos), so I didn't see much of her. A little bit the night before we left, a little bit more when we got home. That's OK.

We got home around dinnertime, and we had a couple of hours or so to hang out and talk. I asked her about her weekend and the concerts - both Panic and Billy Strings were in town, and she went to both (she *did* convert the rest of the family into Billy Strings fans); she told us all about it. She's entertaining, and can be a good storyteller. Also, at no point in the evening did she ask us a single question about our weekend. I may have mentioned a few things, and if I did she listened, but went back to her weekend. My partner never noticed this until I pointed it out.

I had given up a couple of years or so ago on having a relationship with my sister - I'd spent almost a decade trying, and not getting anything back. She would periodically go off on me on rants. The last time I had seen her was 2014. Last fall, on my birthday, she reached out and said she wanted to try to build back a relationship. Awesome! She's my sister and I love her. I'll take whatever I can get; I don't expect much, so I'm pleasantly surprised when I get more.

Despite all this I would not call her a narcissist, or even strongly narcissistic. Just rather self-centered. She's someone who lives in her own world and you have to meet her where she's at. That place is usually either Ridgway, CO (physically) or Widespread Panic and Billy Strings, which seems to be nearly the only things she talks about. She has been a Panic fan since high school (we're both about 50).

An egotist is someone who thinks about themselves more than they think about me.

Perfect. My Dad's going to love that one. His favorite line is "Enough about me, let's get back to (talking about) me."

I may not always be right, but I’m never wrong……