Attention all Fathers of Daughters

Hugh R · 09:05 AM

My 17 year old daughter is working on her Girl Scout "Gold Award", which to the Girl Scouts is the equivalent of the Boy Scouts Eagle. Anyway for her award, she had an excellent speaker Dr. Jill Murray speak to 200 girls about boy friend abuse, date rape, etc. Dr. Murray has several books and, while I'm paraphrasing alot, she basically makes these points.

Girls in abusive relationships are not "Victims" they are enablers. You let a boy treat you like s4it you are empowering him to keep doing it.

Boys who are abusers never get better (and the girl can virtually never change him) you all know this as guys, we are what we are.

Apparently now a days, in High School, its common for boys to refer to their girl friends as their "bit(h" in front of them and behind their backs. My daughter isn't anyones "bit(h".

When my daughter dates, I've been occassionally known to let the boys know that I have 58 acres and a shovel... this seems to get their attention. After all, we were all 16 once, but that was someone else's daughter, not ours.

If you have a teenage daughter, check out drjillmurray.com and consider ordering her first book " But I love him"

Dantilla · 11-14-2003, 08:10 AM

A friend of mine actually said this as a boy came to take out his daughter on her first date-

"This is my daughter, whom I love very much. Don't make me hunt you down like a rabid dog, and kill you."

Moses · 11-14-2003, 08:33 AM

A friend of mine refused to allow his beautiful daughter to date a boy in school known for his bad reputation. The boys parents were offended and called the girls father for clarification of his position. The girls father's response?

"Would you hand a Stradivarius to a gorilla?"

Moneyguy1 · 11-14-2003, 08:58 AM

That is a great line. My two daughters are now fully grown and happily married. I used to monitor who they were going out with, having once been young and still remembering what drives many youthful males. There was one so-called "boy friend" years ago somewhat like the lad described above. I chased him down the road with an axe handle. Never saw him again.....

dhoward · dhoward's Garage

I simply remind them that the Misssissippi is a big river, and they would probably be missed less than they think....

juanbenae · juanbenae's Garage

i have been told the hardest time to hit a woman is the first time. after that it get easier. thats why as mentioned above an abusive man will never change.

there is no excuse for that behavior.

Schrup · Schrup's Garage

My sixteen year old is just like her mother, I often have to remind her not to abuse her poor boyfriend. All my daughters little friends think I'm psycho (I like it that way) & am easily capable of teenacide. Keeps things from coming up missing around the house. My daughter likes to pick nice boys she can lead around by the nose ring. When I was a teenager I was everys fathers worst nightmare, so I know how to spot one & turn everybodies life into a living hell. I would probable start with his parents. I hope I'm never faced with that situation.

speeder · speeder's Garage

Indeed, women can be violent and treacherous as well as men. I am against abuse of any human by another, that pretty well covers this subject.

Hugh, Dr. Murray sounds great. If I had a daughter, I would try to raise her in such a way that her resultant high self esteem would not allow her to suffer abusive people, and to recognise idiots, bullys, etc. Sounds like that's what the Dr. is getting at.

BlueSkyJaunte · 11-14-2003, 11:38 AM

If we have a daughter, as soon as she hits 3rd grade she will begin martial arts training (whether as my student or in a dojo remains to be determined). This will help instill in her positive self-esteem, respect for others, and the ability to kick ass when necessary.

After that, I will expect her to beat the living daylights out of any boy(s) that give(s) her problems. Failing that, I'll put choice items from my sword collection to their intended use.

Hugh R · 11-14-2003, 11:39 AM

Speeder:

That's her point exactly. Also, she says so if he verbally or physically abuses you once when your dating is that OK? How about twice, or three times? What do you think will happen when your married and financially dependent on him? Self esteem is a big part of it. The girl lets the boy do it because she believes she can't get anyone else.

Sarah · Sarah's Garage

I grew-up in a very big family (3 boys & 10 girls). If a guy came to the door for one of my sisters...my dad would swing the door open and say "WHAT DO YOU WANT"? They would just stare at him trying to figure out if he was kidding...he wasn't. AND...heaven forbid if any of the guys tried to joke with him or su*k-up in any way....He really hated a BSer and could spot one very quickly. AND...if anyone (guy or gal) called our house for any of us after 8:30pm...he would hang-up on them.

When Tim and I started dating...I told him...do not make any jokes...answer anything my dad asks you...and if he comes into the living room and asks you to help him with something...please just go and do it. Tim was like...ok. He got along great with my dad. It was my sisters who intimidated him.

Out of all the girls in my family...3 were in abusive marriages which all ended-up in divorce (2 have remarried and are in happy & healthy relationships now). And...one of my brothers had his heart stomped on several times...so things happen to guys & gals.

Being the 12th of 13 kids...I was able to learn a lot about relationships from the good & bad decisions made by my older brothers & sisters.

RickM · RickM's Garage

Ten girls? God bless your dad...he's more man than I am. I have one six year old daughter and I'm shaking in my boots....well kind of.

Actually, I really believe there is nothing better than laying a good foundation for a child. They'll never lose it and while peer pressure may prompt a bit of swaying, they'll always depend on the good values instilled in them.

Be involved and keep your kids busy...too busy. They won't have time to F around.

BTW, I whole-heartedly agree with most of the comments above.

pwd72s · 11-14-2003, 09:02 PM

My daughter? 33 years old, working on her 2nd husband....Damn, I'm glad that puberty period is over! I'm just not sure that now is any better.

trj911 · trj911's Garage

Hugh R, Thanks for the advice and the warning! I might have to use some of the various ideas here to scare off the unacceptable dates!

KnightRider325 · 11-17-2003, 12:06 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hugh R
My 17 year old daughter is working on her Girl Scout "Gold Award", which to the Girl Scouts is the equivalent of the Boy Scouts Eagle. Anyway for her award, she had an excellent speaker Dr. Jill Murray speak to 200 girls about boy friend abuse, date rape, etc. Dr. Murray has several books and, while I'm paraphrasing alot, she basically makes these points.

Girls in abusive relationships are not "Victims" they are enablers. You let a boy treat you like s4it you are empowering him to keep doing it.

Boys who are abusers never get better (and the girl can virtually never change him) you all know this as guys, we are what we are.

Apparently now a days, in High School, its common for boys to refer to their girl friends as their "bit(h" in front of them and behind their backs. My daughter isn't anyones "bit(h".

When my daughter dates, I've been occassionally known to let the boys know that I have 58 acres and a shovel... this seems to get their attention. After all, we were all 16 once, but that was someone else's daughter, not ours.

If you have a teenage daughter, check out drjillmurray.com and consider ordering her first book " But I love him"

hey, I'm 18 and am a 2nd class scout and a venturer scout. How about I "help" her on her gold award. haha just kidding, don't hurt me.