Tabs and the Jehovah Witness

tabs · 10-05-2003, 09:46 AM

I can see the wicked glee in your eyes as you read the title for this Thread. The thoughts running across your mind must be akin to the innocent missionary knocking on the cannibals door. The cannibal standing there smacking his lips in anticipation for he has just found meat for his lunch. Allthough I must admit I sometimes wonder if I can fit them into the pot whole. All thats needed for a Jehovah Witness is salt and pepper and while Mormons are not as tasty they will do in a pinch.

I have been known to argue with Jehovahs for hours or as long as they are willing to stand there. I argue Gawd and the Devil, once I told a Jehovah that if Gawd were so down on Partying why did Geezus turn the water into wine? You should have seen the dumbfounded look on her face over that one. The next time I saw them coming I saw her shaking her head and gesticulating vehemently that she didn't want to knock on my door again. I seldom see the same crew twice.

I think the talking points for the next time I see the Jehovahs will be Mothers Day and Satan. As you probably know Jhovahs don't celebrate traditional holidays, including Mothers day. I will ask one of the female crew if she would feel remembered and loved if she received a card from her child on Mothers Day. Citing that it would be more akin to saying Thank You and not a present at all. I just don't see that Gawd would be against saying Thank You. As for Satan I would simply state that there is no greater believer in Gawd than Satan since Gawd put him where he is in LV. That I once offered to Geezus to go down to the club with him and throw back a couple of malt liquors and do the hoochi cooochi with a couple of the withches. Geezus being the goody goody that he is demured saying he had to do some errand for his father. What a hypocrit....he turned all that water into wine and didn't even invitre me to the party.....

tabs · 10-08-2003, 04:12 PM

What not even one comment? I guess you all concur with the Jehovah witness lady and don't want to come near this one. Well this thread is merely a writing exercise for me and not to be taken literally, nor as the gospel truth. There is virtually no ego in this one at all.

Technically the transition of characterization from 2nd to 1st person was flawless. The conclusion you as the reader draw at the end of the 3rd paragraph is supposed to support the conclusion of the 2nd paragraph. That I'm a "whack job" to be stayed away from. In that I successfully conveyed that feeling to you the reader in this short story.

widebody911 · widebody911's Garage

I don't know why you go thru so much trouble. I just show up at the door naked with a bottle of JD in one hand and a butcher knife in the other.

tabs · 10-08-2003, 04:39 PM

I'm trying to convert em

Doug Zielke · 10-08-2003, 06:09 PM

OK tabs.....
One day I was in the garage workin' on the Harley, when a JW came to the open door.
He asked if I was 'interested' in their church.
Looking him straight in the eye, and without saying a word, I fired up the Hog and briskly rapped the throttle several times. As a few long blue flames came from the pipe and almost caught the dudes pants on fire, he quickly turned on his heels and split. Haven't had any more missionaries since then.

makaio · 10-08-2003, 07:07 PM

Doug I had a similar experience with the JW, except it involved my old flat bottom, with a big block chevy and zummie headers,

nostatic · nostatic's Garage

I tell them I'm a Taoist. That usually throws them for a loop.

dd74 · 10-09-2003, 06:22 PM

I show them the hole in the back of my neck...

That usually gets the point across to any western-based religion; maybe except Judiasm.

Victor · 10-09-2003, 06:56 PM

Tell them your Jewish. Works wonders.