Drinking responsibly during the holidays!
 

The holiday season is a time to enjoy family dinners, office parties, and get-togethers with friends. Festive drinks and tasty punches often contribute to the holiday revelry, so here are some tips to help you celebrate sensibly:


If you are a woman, remember: Women are more sensitive to the effects of alcohol. If you are a man, remember: Women are more sensitive to the effects of alcohol.

Drinking alone is a telltale sign that you know better than to put up with anybody's bull****.

Drinking more than seven nights a week is not just irresponsible, it's impossible.

If someone you know is too drunk to drive, demand that he let you have his car keys. If he refuses, pull out a gun and demand the car keys again. This also works with people who are not drunk, and whom you do not know.

While standing in the middle of the road at 3 a.m. yelling expletives at your ex-girlfriend, wear light-colored clothing so motorists can see you.

Once you get married and have kids, stop drinking tons of whiskey and switch to drinking tons of wine.

Always re-cap your flask between swigs. This lengthens the amount of time between drinks.

Don't mix alcohol with stereotypes. If you are Irish, drink rum. If you are a pirate, drink whiskey.

Don't drink and drive. Disregard this if you happen to be one of those people who drive better drunk.

If you suddenly find yourself impaired by alcohol, prevent any social awkwardness by informing all those present that you profoundly love them, and that you never get this drunk.

Never use alcohol to escape feelings of failure and loneliness. Use Vicodin.

Before heading out to the office holiday party, tape a handcuff key to the inside of your watchband. Just trust me us on this one.

Borrowed from "The Onion".

BAC [blood alc content] peaks 2-3hrs after the drink is drunk.. so as you start feeling better the BAC is maxing out.. food will delay the max BAC time period

LOL!

"I only drink if I'm alone or with somebody..."

That is an argument for driving as fast as you can after drinking...that way you get move before your BAC is high. Same argument for driving in the rain.

Speaking of high....

nostatic:

If you are under the influence, the longer you are on the road the greater the likelihood of an accident, so it is in everyone's best interest to drive as fast as possible, thus minimizing time on the road and therefore the risk of an accident.

That is reckless advice! One should drink while they drive so they may reach their destination safely before the blood alcohol rises to a dangerous level.

I remember the bad ol days when drunks drove s l o w.

Though, now, the laws and enforcement have made the drunk driver interested in driving just over the speed limit.

Which is good, of course, as more deaths from drunk drivers really hits-home the need for strict laws & enforcement.

snff-snff. . .do I smell circular reasoning?

I wonder if a drunk dog would chase it's tail.

I stand corrected. Can you top me off? I need to get this load of radioactive waste to Nevada by way of the orphans and wayward puppies home...

I remember when the PD would take your car keys and have your father pick them up at HQ.. If a wise ass remark to the officer, then it was a neck grab and throw with the words,
"your father said I can beat the $hit out of you any time I want"

now the world is politically correct.
go figure....... Ron

Any advice for cycling while drunk? ;)

I have the one page article scanned on BAC [Blood Alcohol Content]

e-mail me if anyone wants it........ Ron

Yes, never run a red light while cycling drunk.

Also, never call the cop a jerk off if he threatens to impound your bike...even if it's under your breath.

Your always louder than you think when you've been trippin'em back. :cool:

Oh, and when crashing while cycling drunk...your helmet does you no good if it's in your back pack.

More bad advice from the peanut gallery. How else are you going to keep your iPod safe?

Or your mini bong? (water comes from the water bottle, of course).

Quote: " remember when the PD would take your car keys and have your father pick them up at HQ.. If a wise ass remark to the officer, then it was a neck grab and throw with the words,
"your father said I can beat the $hit out of you any time I want" "

Personal experience, Ron? :D

Now that I think about it...replace "officer" with "nun" and that sounds real familiar.

what have i taken from that? drinks are good. alot of drinks are better, and if you take vicodin only only drink a little.