More 911 Horsepower
 

Our new company (911OILS) has been able to "hack" the Mobil 1 oil formula.
As a result, we have developed a new oil - PerformanceMax. This new oil
is a 1W-5 weight oil which provides dramatic performance increases. The
following should provide some insights into this new product:

Welcome to 911OILS - developer of custom performance oils for the Porsche 911
Carrera that maximize the performance available from your car. The oils are currently
available for the Porsche 911 Carrera 3.2 series from 84-89 and the Carrera 2/4
series from 91-94, and are custom configured to each customer's engine modifications
and preferences. Performance improvements are quite dramatic, as horsepower and torque
are increased throughout the powerband from 2000 rpm to redline on the order of 6 to 8
percent. Throttle response is also dramatically improved as it changes the stock
Carrera's lag to one of an immediate response. Owners are raving about the dramatic
improvement in their car's character, drivability, and power. Come try one oil
change for yourself and experience what your Porsche is truly capable of.

We provide a full warranty to the extent of ones FEELINGS. All other warranties,
expressed or implied are void. Furthermore, service and customer support are
unequalled, i.e. If you're not happy about the performance FEELINGS then:

1. We'll send you a can of Marvel Oil to add to your oil change,
2. if you're still not happy, we'll send a bottle of Slick 50, and
3. if you're still not happy, then you're on your own.

Please note that we've not tested the new product on a dyno, but all our
customers FEEL that it does make a performance improvement. Also, ignore
the possible excessive engine noise which may develop. It may help
those FEELINGS indicate more performance.

Our introductory price for January is $2.80 per quart. Beginning 2/1, the
price will be $3.50 per quart. That's still cheaper than Mobil 1.
Come on and give our oil a try! The cost of two cases ($56.00 plus tax)
is minimal. Just think what you'll save over Mobil 1.

Remember, we've been able with our formula hacking to eliminate those
unnecessary chemicals and reduce the excessive viscosity of Mobil 1.
Who really needs 'em anyway? What do those Mobil engineers know?

Does the above sound familiar? Maybe I got a little extreme in some areas,
but this is basically how some companies market products. Guess who.
Reputable companies develop performance products on a dyno, provide complete
product testing, e.g. under very hot conditions where pinging occurs, and
provide the "before" and "after" performance data without mixing in other
performance modifications.

Would you buy ANY product marketed using the above hype? I sure wouldn't!
Have I made my point yet?

Have Fun
Loren
'88 3.2

If I send you a cashier's check for $300,000. will you be sure to "wire transfer" the amount over $56.00 to me within 48 hours?

I knew this HAD to be a joke because NOBODY on this board would buy JACK from YOU!

Only if it's drawn on a local bank but sent via International FedEx...

Actually, no you haven't made a point. Was this in response to something?

(nevermind - I don't want to fan the flames)

If I agree to purchase a large quantity, say 100 quarts, will you throw in a E-Ram? How about a Cool Collar and a Tornado? Come on, I need all the HP I can get. :p

Ah, yes I remember a thread about the chip. Nope, not making a point. I am skeptical about the chips, but the fuel and ignition curves can be created to change the characteristics of a motor, and even possibly increase power either in certain ranges or across the board. Ignition/fuel programming is probably similar to cam designing, the perfect cam hasn't necessarily been designed for each situation, but lots of really good cams have. The oil analogy is just silly.

I gave up along time ago Loren, it is a no win situation. There are several types of people on the BBS: The buy anything cool collar doofus (Wayne's favorite), the diplomatic fence riders that waiver back and forth with the wind, and those that are truly knowledgeable.
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You might as well have some fun and pi$$ everyone off because it doesn't make a damn. You'll can lead a horse to water....
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I applaud your website and services. I couldn't find one shred of BS and I looked on every page twice.
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To all of the Loren bashers, perhaps he is blunt maybe even a little rude, but you know what your getting. Wait until you need your Motronic rebuilt......

You forgot bemused observers.

Some people in our world like to create, others like to keep
things the same. I'm glad some people like to improve our world,
and our Porsche's.

Oh - I'm just feeling the love!

You really are trying to screw yourself aren't you?? Now you are mocking not only Steve, but everyone who uses his product. If we use Steve's product, that means we have a Motronic and some day may need services like the ones you offer. I wonder how many mocked potential customers will use your service if they need it. Anyone care to guess?

Jeff

Funny you should write this. A freind was talking to one of the Porsche Centre Melbourne mechanics (no apparent vested interests). He is preparing the Cup cars and took him aside to talk oil. Fuchs are a series sponsor and sell this $10/ltr new fancy stuff. They drained one of the Cup cars of Mobil 1 and refilled with Fuchs. Standard event preparation is a dyno run, which yielded a surprising 5kw (rear wheel) increase.

My sincere apologies Sir....

And you forgot the clueless...wtf is going on here?

Once again my sincere apologies. Honorable mention for previously discluded category of: clueless (my personal category)

Some people will never "get it"! Maybe there's still hope, though,
when the hot weather comes and the pinging begins.

Have Fun
Loren
'88 3.2

Every time I "chip" my car, I cuss a lot, and get out the touch up paint...