Parenting...

[jstgermaine]

*Disclaimer*

This is another post where the sole reason for typing the following text is to allow the blood pressure of the individual typing to return to normal level before proceeding. With that...

Quick background: For those of you who I have met, this is no surprise, for the rest of you it probably will be.

My family is quite the Brady Bunch...no...we make the Brady Bunch look like a weekend off.

My wife's previous marriage = 5 children
My previous marriage = 1 child
Adopted from the State of CA = 4 children

Yep, 10 in all.

Anyway, to the story. Child number 3 comes home on the bus from school yesterday quite distraught. ( I am very fortuante to have a wonderful relationship with my children where they have zero problems telling me ANYTHING).

Child number 3 is facing expulsion from school for POSSIBLY bringing a weapon to school. The weapon in question is one of those gag pens purchased normally from Spencer Gifts and the like. The kind that administer a shock when the plunger is pressed.

Now child number 3, has gotten into his share of trouble with the school officials as most teen age boys do. Nothing serious, but trouble non the least, but has NEVER lied about the things he has done. He has always come clean with anything he has done, good or bad.

Apparently, child number 3 was confronted yesterday, by the school bus driver, for '"shocking" another child two days prior. When child number 3 was asked about this he responded, "Yes, but that happend 3 weeks ago.", his older brother concurred.

Well after a little more digging into the matter, child number 3 didn't even ride the bus on the day in question!! As a matter of fact, the day before the incident, the bus driver informed all of the riders that she would be taking all of them to the bus garage for 'interrigation' into a sulfur (matches) smell, that apparently no one would take responsibility for, so my three boys got a ride home with a friend's mother.

I think this has boiled down to a clear case of...'well, he's gotten in trouble before, he is obviously guilty'.

Sorry just had to vent before talking to the school this morning...

[trj911]

10?!? Wow. And I thought 3 was hard. Kids will be kids and looking at the big picture, this is a small incident. Show the kid you love him and support him even if he did the deed in question. But, who am I to tell you. You got 10 kids running around. If you didn't care about them, there wouldn't be 10 of them! Keep up the good work and place your vote for a new bus driver.

[DByers]

Jerry,
My respect and admiration of you just went up a few notches. 10 - WOW!

As to the situation with your son, labels are hard to overcome once thay have been attatched. My now 6 year old son was labeld in his pre-school and I quickly learned that is how the pre-school delt with their students. Needless to say we changed schools very quickly.

It sounds like you have a very good relationship with your children and this will not be a problem at all, just a learning experience to share.

[12own911]

Wow! Ten! Very nice indeed. Love them and support them as much as you can. He may grow up to be president one day. Good on you and yours.

[juanbenae]

i sued toget thrown off the school bus all the time. bus drivers are for the most part very frustrated with thier lot in life. that being said you must still play along, if the school admin does not back the driver the bus would be a zoo daily.

my dad would give me the what for when booted off the bus and i had to ride my bike to school until the ban was lifted. rain or shine i was riding. my parents were the ones that always sign the permission slip allowing the school to spank my ass when it was called for.

whats my point? as usual dont have one . the story just brought back the memorys of bus ride play.

[RickM]

Boy sounds like me when I was his age. I'm your typical middle child....blamed for evrything....heh heh. My younger brother could have assasinated someone in front of my folks and I would've gotten punished for it.

Regarding the pen; sounds like timing is not the issue as he did admit to doing it. Right?

BTW, I made a kick ass shocking book in sixth grade...man was that cool.

[jstgermaine]

Thanks for the humor guys and gal, it really helps out.

trj911: While the number 10 is enough to make most people cringe, it is a lot easier than one may think. Granted the grocery bill, school functions, clothing bills are all 10X what a single child are, with this many kids running around, they have to be honest. There is no way anyone of them could get away with anything...too many witnesses.

Dan: Yeah, it's the whole label thing I am having issues with here. I'm not one of those parents with his head so far up is own arse that I would EVER think my kids were innocent of every accusation that is brought up. Heck, I was labeled early on by my own school guidance counselor...he said that because of my background and inability to deal with authority, I would never amount to anything...hmmm two degrees and multi-business owner later.... I would pull him from the school, but then...they win. Not gonna happen.

12own911: The love and support will always be there...PRESIDENT!!??? Heaven help us!

k911sc: I was the same way. My mom always said I would have 10 just like me!!

RickM: He is quite creative in 'an out of the box' sort of way. .

While he did admit to doing it. The pending punishment is based wholly on the current accusation. He will face his share of 'home justice' for the three week old action (that was never reported to the school) as I don't agree nor condone that sort of behavior.

The school still isn't replying to my numerous voicemails about this issue.

[Schrup]

With as much "unfairness" in the world today, I pick my battles carefully for my outspoken 16 year old duaghter. Last year I went after a less than honest teacher & got her transfered out of that class. I have instilled the notion that honesty is paramount & she & myself find it unnerving when an authority figure falls short of this standard.

I however don't bail her out when her mouth gets her in trouble, hopefully someday she'll learn when to keep it shut. I have only had to go to the school once this year to talk to a teacher regarding her mouth. So perhaps she's learning.

[jstgermaine]

Originally posted by Schrup
With as much "unfairness" in the world today, I pick my battles carefully for my outspoken 16 year old duaghter. Last year I went after a less than honest teacher & got her transfered out of that class. I have instilled the notion that honesty is paramount & she & myself find it unnerving when an authority figure falls short of this standard.

I however don't bail her out when her mouth gets her in trouble, hopefully someday she'll learn when to keep it shut. I have only had to go to the school once this year to talk to a teacher regarding her mouth. So perhaps she's learning.

My feelings exactly. Had he actaully done the deed he is being accused of. End of story. He does the time.

But when needed, dad will step in and stand up to whomever.

[Rot 911]

Jerry, what is the punishment they have in mind? If your school district has a weapons "zero tolerance" policy then your son could be facing a suspension up to a year! If that is the case, you may want to approach this in a more agressive manner.

[RickM]

I don't see how a shocking pen is a weapon. It's sold in gag gift shops to any kid with 10 bucks. Now if it contained mace or something....

I agree with Kurt. I'd go to the pricipal's office to request an in-person meeting. Also, keep a record of the call you make and/or receive and what the outcome is.

[jstgermaine]

Kurt,

I was hoping you would see this.

The punishment, if my son is found to be guilty of shocking his fellow bus rider, is a couple of days suspension and will be removed from the bus for the duration of the school year.

Second, the school is viewing the shock pen as a weapon, according to their zero tolerance policy. He is looking at expulsion from the school district if I don't fight back.

[12own911]

Did you get a copy of the school policy that states that a shocking pen is punishible by expulsion? The part about "shocking anything" is the key.

[RickM]

You may want to seek legal counsel as well.

[jstgermaine]

OK, still no word from the school, but here is the Weapon-Free School Zone Policy:

"Students in possession of a dangerous weapon-firearm, who commit arson or rape on district grounds, in district buildings or at district- or school-sponsored events shall be permanently expelled from school and referred to the criminal justice or juvenile delinquency system and the appropriate county department of social services or community mental health agency. The parent, legal guardian and/or student shall also be notified of the referral.

The board authorizes the superintendent or building principal(s) and/or other district officials to expel students. Each student subject to expulsion shall have his/her situation reviewed byt the superintendent on a case-by-case basis.

This is in compliance with PL 103.328 and MCL 380.1311"

[12own911]

Sounds like your son did not break the rules... sounds like the driver did by implying that your son did... School should let it go...

[DByers]

Any object can be deemed a weapon if used with malicious intent. In this case the gag pen that shocks. The question becomes did your son maliciously attack someone with the shocking pen over and over or was it done as a one to time prank?

Just for the record, one of my employees recently had one of those and was letting customers sign their invoices with it. It was all fun and games until one customer grabbed it to sign and it made him drop his hot coffee all over the place. Needless to say that pen is now gone and the customer has been compensated for his pain and suffering (free t-shirt and dognut).

The school should not take this to lightly with whoever might be responsible but they need to keep things in perspective at the same time. We are talking grade school kids who are just being kids. This is when they start to learn acceptable social behavior (K-6) amongst their peers.

Just the ramblings of a parent who has 2 with another on the way.

[pwd72s]

Been there, done that. Wouldn't do it again. Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy..

[cstreit]

Jer,

That's a pretty darn loose interpretation of a "weapon". Those things are like a 9V battery on the tongue practically... Does that mean that any 9V battery is a weapon?

I think even the broadest definition of "weapon" would be an implement designed to cause physical harm. Those things cannot cause physical harm under any NORMAL circumstance.

My point being, I would fight it. Since your son was honest enough to own up to his mistake, kudo's to him! Did he make a mistake, absolutely! However he should not be punished by a rule that is so broad and generalized that it may be used in any way they see fit. HELL, by that definition those games of dodge ball that we all suffered though in the 70's would result in massive expulsions.

My advice? Hire representation if need be. Fight it. ...and make your son work it off to learn an important lesson... THAT should be his punishment, not expulsion, that is just ridiculous!

[Moneyguy1]

Sorry, but airlines look on fingernail files as a potential weapon. In this age of heightened security, I do not find it too much of a stretch that a school district would act this way toward a more or less modern equivalent of the hand wound "buzzer:. Not that I think it is fair, but I do understand it. In the future, I hope your son thinks twice about bringing anything that could be misconstrued as a "weapon". After seeing on the news videos of kids on schoolbuses, there are a LOT of youngsters out there for whom physical punishment should be administered on a regular basis

A man had a stubborn mule. One day, while walking through town, he saw a sign "PAINLESS MULE TRAINING". He went in and asked the man. "Is it true," he asked, "that you can train a mule without causing pain?" The proprietor smil;ed and said "Yup. Bring you mule in, and I will let you watch." So, the man brought in the stubborn mule and the trainer sized the mule up, went over to the tool bench, grabbed a baseball bat and whacked the mule right between the eyes!! "WOAH!!" shouted the owner. "I thought you said your training was painless!!"

"Oh, but it is," responded the trainer. "But, ya gotta admit, I had to get his attention...."