Modern Latin phrases

[Decolliber]

Any Pelican Latin scholars? We need some Latin phrases for Porsche owners.

Feb 19th 2004
From The Economist print edition
X-Treme Latin: Unleash Your Inner Gladiator
By Henry Beard

Gotham Books; 108 pages; $17.50

FOR years now, Henry Beard, the founder of National Lampoon, has been pursuing a rollicking crusade to put Latin back in everyday life. As he explains, Latin is widely used by lawyers to cheat you, by doctors to scare you witless and by houseplant sellers to shift their wares. (See, under “Botanical Latin”, grandiflora, tormentosa, pendula, rugosa and sempervirens, all of which mean “leafless clump of dry brown twigs in one week flat”.) This book lets the homunculus (little guy) get his own back.

And how. There are insults here for every occasion, from air rage (Heia, amice, utrum illae sunt sarcinae tuae, an modo Carthaginem despoliasti?, “Hey, pal, is that carry-on luggage or did you just sack Carthage?”) to computer trouble (Assume plicam damnatam, o tu moles muscaria muscerdarum, “Download the goddam file, you bug-ridden piece of ****”). But there are handy phrases too for bumper stickers (Malim praedari, “I'd rather be pillaging”) and invaded barbarians (Vos non victores, sed liberatores salutamus!, “We welcome you as liberators, not conquerors!”). All through the book, the morphing of empire-building Romans with Americans, chariots with Cadillacs, swords with guns and Julius Caesar with Jesus Christ (“What would Caesar do?”) is an endlessly diverting read.

First prize for devilish translating goes to “wet T-shirt contest” (certamen inter mammosas tunicis madefactis vestitas), closely followed by “sushi bar” (taberna Iaponica pulpamentorum incoctorum marinorum). The finest-resonance award goes to crapulentus sum (“I'm wasted!”). But since Latin is for lovers, special mention should go to a highly topical chat-up line containing the much-maligned future perfect: Nisi mecum concubueris, phobistae vicerint, “If you won't sleep with me, the terrorists will have won.”
X-Treme Latin: Unleash Your Inner Gladiator.
By Henry Beard.
Gotham Books; 108 pages; $17.50

[BlueSkyJaunte]

My favorite is "Quidquid Latine dictum sit, altum viditur." ("What is said in Latin sounds profound.")

[Moses]

Vini, Vidi, Vici.

Probably screwed it up, but I think it means, "We came, we saw, we conquered." (It's an SCWDP thing)

[Decolliber]

Originally posted by Moses
Vini, Vidi, Vici.
Probably screwed it up, but I think it means, "We came, we saw, we conquered." (It's an SCWDP thing)

But after a successful date, it becomes: "Vidi, vici, veni": I saw, I conquered, I came. But what we need are Latin phrases for common problems like " How do I change a CV boot?"

[Tishabet]

My favorite:
Illegitimi non carborundum
"don't let the bastards wear you down."

[emcon5]

Carpe Per Diem.

Sieze the check.

Tom

[BlueSkyJaunte]

"Cauda Tracto"

("to drag the tail", i.e. "tail dragger". I think.)

[Moses]

"Cum cedo ballista, instantus colossus phallus"

After engine transplant, instant erection.

[BlueSkyJaunte]

LOL!

[Decolliber]

"Porsche tenuere beati"
Happy are those who have a Porsche

A motto for SCWDP:
"trahit sua quemque voluptas"
We all have our own quirks

[djmcmath]

Originally posted by Decolliber
But after a successful date, it becomes: "Vidi, vici, veni": I saw, I conquered, I came. But what we need are Latin phrases for common problems like " How do I change a CV boot?"

I totally agree - I took Latin in junior high. Gave up after I learned that the most applicable stuff I'd be able to say were things like "Your grandmother attacked the Gauls with spears." No wonder this language died...


Dan

[id10t]

III X XI

err, rather

III V VI

[dhoward]

3 10 11?
How 'bout IX XI?

[BlueSkyJaunte]

Hey, id10t, your handle would be idXt.

[911pcars]

I didn't realize we have so many latinos on the forum.

Funny stuff. Latin haiku.

Sherwood

[Decolliber]

Never seen any Latin haiku. But here is some Jewish haiku (three
unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables respectively). perhaps someone could work on some "Porsche 911 haiku."

From David M. Bader, Haiku for Jews:

Is one Nobel Prize
so much to ask from a child
after all I've done?

Beyond Valium,
the peace of knowing one's child
is an internist.

The same kimono
the top geishas are wearing--
got it at Loehmann's.

In a stage whisper
a yenta confides the name
of her friend's disease

New, at Oys "r" Us!
Hypochondriac Barbie
has a gout attack.

Looking for pink buds
to prune back, the mohel tends
his flower garden.

Scrabble anarchy
after putzhead is placed on
a triple-word score.

The sparrow brings home
too many worms for her young.
"Force yourself," she chirps.

Left the door open .
for the Prophet Elijah.
Now our cat is gone.

The pure white lotus--
how rare to glimpse it parked in
my neighbor's driveway.

The shivah visit-
So sorry for your loss. Now
back to my problems.

Constipation gas
fiber enema--chatting
with the mishpocheh.

Now that Koreans
are "the New Jews," the old Jews
can leave for Boca.

Yom Kippur--forgive
me, God, for the Mercedes
and all the lobsters.

Hard to tell under
the lights--white Yarmulke or
male-pattern baldness?

Denmark's Jewish prince--
"To be or not to be--Oy!
Have I got tsuris."

"Through the Red Sea costs
extra." Israeli movers
overcharge Moses.

No fins, no flippers
the gefilte fish swims with
some difficulty.

[91C2wrencher]

what did the latins dial in an emergency?...... - IXXI of course!

[BlueSkyJaunte]

Looking for pink buds
to prune back, the mohel tends
his flower garden.

OMG, this is awful...

[Decolliber]

And some redneck haiku:

DESIRE
Darn, in that tube-top
You make me almost forget
You are my cousin

DEPRIVED
In WalMart toy aisle
Wailing boy wants 'rassling doll
Mama whups his rear

BEAUTY
Naked in repose
Silvery silhouette girls
Adorn my mudflaps

BLAZE
Distant siren screams
Dummy Verne's been playing with
Gasoline again

EXUBERANCE
Joyous, playful, bright
Trailer park girl rolls in puddle
Of old motor oil

ALONE
Seeking solitude
Carl's ex-wife Tammy files for
Restraining order

DRAMA
Set the VCR
Dukes of Hazzard Marathon
At 9 O'Clock

IMPOUNDED
Sixty-five dollars
And cyclone fence keeps me from
My El Camino

GATHERING
In early morning mist
Mama searches K-Mart for
Moon Pies and Red Man