RE: Abstinence before marriage

[Z-man]

Based on the controversial issues we've discussed here recently, I thought I'd throw one into the mix.

I feel that too many times, this concept (abstinence until marriage) is overlooked when it comes to safe sex.

In our 'instant gratification' society, the 'why wait' mentality prevails. Often, young, innocent lives get hurt in the process of this gratification.

Here's an interesting article I found tonight on CNN:
http://www.cnn.com/2004/SHOWBIZ/Music/05/16/st.james.spears.reut/index.html

From the article above:
Rebecca St. James, a star of the U.S. Christian music scene, said she was disappointed that role models from the world of music and movies such as Spears led youngsters astray with their message of "anything goes, if it feels good do it."

Read, and discuss amongst yourselves,
-Zoltan.

PS:
Son: Dad, when you were younger, what did you wear for safe sex?
Father: A Wedding ring.

[widebody911]

Anachronistic practice of the church(es) to attempt to control the populace. In short, you can't have sex until the church sez so.

Thank you very much, but I like my life without religious programming.

[lendaddy]

It doesn't have to be a religous thing.

[ZAMIRZ]

If abstinence works for you, more power to you. But don't preach it like it's the "right" thing to do. The same goes for doing stuff that "feels good" too though, so it's a 2-way street.

[dd74]

I've never understood what sex has to do with marriage. I know more married men who are getting NO SEX now that they are married.

But seriously, I agree with lendaddy here. It isn't truly a religious thing. It's a moral thing. But as often is the case with morals, morals are usually out of touch with society, and in this case, hormones.

I actually think marriage itself is a larger concern than what proceeds marriage. And having children. More and more people are ill-equipped for either IMHO.

[GrindingGears]

What if you don't plan on getting married?

[BlueSkyJaunte]

Would you buy a Porsche without a PPI????

[Adam]

Originally posted by dd74:
... And having children. More and more people are ill-equipped for either IMHO.

Too true. I get thoroughly sick of seeing these TV news commentaries on single mothers, who typically have around seven children, to seven different fathers and are on welfare, complaining that the system doesn't support them enough.

I was relaxing on a Sunday with a friend of mine, channel surfing and (after a few beers) he pointed out that you need a licence to drive a car or even to catch a fish, but not to bring something as precious as a life into this world. Funnily enough, the concept didn't offend my sensibilities much. I guess it was the context of the conversation, or maybe the beers...

Back on topic, and along Blue's comments, would you buy a suit without trying it on?

[Milu]

To paraphrase Widebody911 and Zamirz:

No religious programming for my life thankyou, but if abstinence works for you, fine. Just don't try to promote it to me as if it's the right way.

This kind of "moral", ultimately religious mindcontrol, has to be responsible for so many sexual hang-ups.

There's a saying in Italy: "Se non te la da prima, non te la dara dopo che sei sposato". Translation: Women who say no sex before marriage also practice no sex after marriage.

[Sonic dB]

"I'm a virgin, I'm 26 and going to stay that way until after I'm married," she said

Poor girl doesnt know what she is missing.... but wait, wasnt that what Britney said too?

[Schrup]

I prefer to wait till after marrage to practice abstinence.

[fintstone]

I think it is just good sense to refrain from activity that could result in children unless one has prepared to accept that responsibility. Marriage is indicative of part of that preparation as well as finances, etc. 18 years of child support to a woman you hardly know would certainly crimp one's Porsche part budget. A child growing up without two parents is certainly not optimum either.

[mikester]

I don't think kids should be having sex. At the same time, I think it's safe to say that you're not equipted to handle the situation until it's happened at least once.

The way religion and a lot of parents treat the subject is pretty wrong and I think it's the majority of the problem. Parents can't talk to their kids about it - so their kids learn about it from the other kids who are already doing it. The situations of those kids who are already doing it are less than ideal in most cases.

Do you want your kids to learn about sex from the "tramp" of the school?

I think that having a healthy sexual relationship is extremely good for a marriage. I have a hard time expecting a healthy sexual relationship with someone I've never had sex with before. There's a certain amount of trial and error and effort that makes that happen.

[Aurel]

I think it is just good sense to refrain from activity that could result in children unless one has prepared to accept that responsibility.

Ever heard about contraception ? The sad truth about theoric abstinence before marriage is that it does not work and results in ill prepared young people who, driven by their hormones, engage in sex that effectively results in unwanted children. Then, those chlidren are aborted, which is way worse than having used contraception in the first place. Unless you plan on being a monk, I don`t think it is a good thing to preach abstinence, because we all know that the vast majority of people wont apply it. Just like, who has never had alcohol before the legal drinking age of 21 ?

Aurel

[Z-man]

Unfortunately, all too often, the "church's" stance on pre-marital sex leads to a mis-represented view of sex. People brought up on the concept that 'sex is dirty' have a hard time with sex when they get married. (How can something that is considered to be dirty and bad now be ok?) This is a difficult thing. This is bad, and hopefully more and more churches will change their approach.

A couple of years ago, as a youth group counselor for my church, we went through a whole series on relationships / dating / marriage, where we covered in detail the sexual aspects. It is very difficult to explain the idea of waiting to a bunch of teens with overflowing hormones! I found that being as candid and frank as possible was the best approach. I really offered no simple solution for the youth, just that I've been in their shoes in the past, and that there are no easy solutions, especially in this day and age. But waiting until marriage was possible, and the best approach towards starting a wholesome marriage relationship.

Putting the whole religous argument aside, what about this: saying to your future spouse that you've saved yourself ONLY for her is really a great stepping stone towards a very committed relationship.

Besides pregnancy, there are other aspects of sex that people haven't brought up: STD's. AIDS is still running amuck across the globe: it is dangerous: it kills. Practising 'safe sex' only limits the possibility of contracting an STD: it doesn't eliminate it. Practising abstinence will eliminate the chance of contracting STD's.

My wife and I did not have sex before we were married. We 'made out' and such, but we abstained from sex. We've been happily married for the past 10 years! Too many people focus on sex in a marital relationship, and ignore the emotional, mental, and spiritual aspects of a marriage!


Just my miscellaneous ramblings,
-Z-man.

[Aurel]

Of course, I am not for kids having sex. But, another perverse consequence of abstinence before marriage is that very young couples get married, too young to really know what they are really getting into. Then, they divorce. I see divorce and abortion as direct consequences of abstinence before marriage.

Aurel

[fintstone]

Originally posted by Aurel
Ever heard about contraception ? The sad truth about theoric abstinence before marriage is that it does not work and results in ill prepared young people who, driven by their hormones, engage in sex that effectively results in unwanted children. Then, those chlidren are aborted, which is way worse than having used contraception in the first place. Unless you plan on being a monk, I don`t think it is a good thing to preach abstinence, because we all know that the vast majority of people wont apply it. Just like, who has never had alcohol before the legal drinking age of 21 ?
Aurel

That is probably the first time I have ever heard that abstinence does not work other than, of course...the immaculate conception. I must have missed that part in Biology class.

Of course it will not work if you don't do it.

[Z-man]

Originally posted by Aurel
Of course, I am not for kids having sex. But, another perverse consequence of abstinence before marriage is that very young couples get married, too young to really know what they are really getting into. Then, they divorce. I see divorce and abortion as direct consequences of abstinence before marriage.
Aurel

Aurel: I don't see the correlation between abstinence and divorce and abortion. I would have to believe that pre-martial sex, especially among teens leads to more abortions than abstinence.

And how would having sex before marriage solve the problem of kids getting married too young?

-Z-man.

[widebody911]

Originally posted by Z-man
And how would having sex before marriage solve the problem of kids getting married too young?

Because marriage becomes the short-term solution to their raging hormones.

[Schrup]

I've had several long talks with my sixteen year old on the perils of unprotected sex & the possible links between cervical cancer & teenage sex. I feel that although STDs can be permanent and/or lethal, they are still less devastating than an unexpected baby at a very young age. Not only are you gambling with your future, but also the future of the child & the impact that he/she will have on society.

I agreed to get her some B/C pills to help her with her acne problem on her flawless complexion. I remember when I was a teenager & am sure that I would have caused some unwanted pregnancies if it were not for the sterilely properties of mass quantities of KGB.

I have tried to help my daughter make an informed decision about sex, but it is her decision. All I can do is not allow it in my home & help her feel as if she can approach me if she needs to talk about anything of that nature, because she sure as he11 won't talk to her bible wielding, fear based, zealot of a mother.