Favorite SNL Celebraty Jeopardy Quotes

[Rot 911]

Sean Connery: "I'll take SWORDS for $500"
Alex Trebec: "That's S-WORDS!"
Sean: "Swords IS an S-word you idiot!"

Sean Connery: "I'll take the Penis Mightier for $500"
Alex Trebec: "That's the Pen IS Mightier!"

Sean Connery: "I'll take anal bum cover for one thousand........"
Alex Trebec: "That's an album cover."

Alex Trebec: "The category is "rhymes with dog," and the question is, "It's been a Hard Day's night and I should be sleeping like a ................"
Burt Reynolds: "Chinese whore."

Alex Trebek: Mr. Brando chose to speak to a puppet instead of participating. Maybe the puppet wrote down an answer.
Alex Trebek: You wrote "poop". This must be a proud moment for you, Mr. Brando.


Trebek: Mr. Keaton?
Michael Keaton: I'm Batman.
Alex Trebek: No, you are not.

[dtw]

Trebek: Mr. Connery, your response is 'Craven Morehead'. -frustrated- Mr. Connery, WHO is Craven Morehead??
Connery: Looks like you are, lad!

Connery: Ha ha, Trebek, the day is mine!

Connery: Mmm, yes, well...I don't know the question, Alex. But the answer is...Your mother's a whore!

[nostatic]

Trebek: None of you can guess whether the HOT tea is hot or cold? Thank god Keannu Reeves...
Reeves: Is it iced tea?
Trebek: NO! Its HOT tea!!
Reeves: Well then I have no idea...

Sean Connery: "It looks like this is my lucky day. I'll take "the rapists" for 200!"
Trebek: "That's 'therapists,' not 'the rapists'

Alex Trebek: You'll pass. Very smart. Mr. Connery, why don't you pick?

Sean Connery: Ah! Well met! I'll take Months That Start With Feb, Trebek.

Alex Trebek: For how much?

Sean Connery: Suprise me, you filthy bastard!

Alex Trebek: Okay, that's completely unnecessary. Months That Start With Feb for $800. This is the only month that starts with Feb. [ Sean Connery buzzes in ] Mr. Connery?

Sean Connery: Febtober!

Alex Trebek: No. [ Calista Flockhart buzzes in ] Calista Flockhart.

Calista Flockhart: What is.. Febturday?

Alex Trebek: No.

Sean Connery: She said turd!

Alex Trebek: I hate you! The answer was February. That's the month that starts with Feb. It was last month!

Sean Connery: Aha! A trick question!

Alex Trebek: Yeah, it was a trick question, Mr. Connery. Why don't you pick a category?

Sean Connery: I've got to ask you about the Penis Mightier.

Alex Trebek: What? No. No, no, that is The Pen is Mightier.

Sean Connery: Gussy it up however you want, Trebek. What matters is does it work? Will it really mighty my penis, man?

Alex Trebek: It's not a product, Mr. Connery.

Sean Connery: Because I've ordered devices like that before - wasted a pretty penny, I don't mind telling you. And if The Penis Mightier works, I'll order a dozen.

Alex Trebek: It's not a Penis Mightier, Mr. Connery. There's no such thing!

Nicholas Cage: Wait, wait, wait.. are you selling Penis Mightiers?

Alex Trebek: No! No, I'm not.

Sean Connery: Well, you're sitting on a gold mine, Trebek!

Alex Trebek: Right, right.. say, let's move on to Final Jeopardy, that should be a lot of fun. And the category is: The Federalist Papers. Wait, wait, I'm sorry, that's my bad. That's for regular "Jeopardy", which we'll be taping later today. Your category is: Horsies. All you have to do is tell me "Are Horsies pretty?" [ the Final Jeopardy music starts as the celebrities scribble some answers ] Yes or no, we'll except either answer. "Are Horsies pretty?". Keep in mind, there's no wrong answer. [ music stops, Alex approaches the podiums ] Let's see what all of you wrote, starting with you, Mr. Cage, and you wrote.. and you're podium is gone..

Nicholas Cage: I don't know where it went, I'm confused.

Alex Trebek: You lost you podium? I don't see.. you know what - I don't care. Let's move on. Calista Flockhart.

Calista Flockhart: [ louder than normal ] What? What?

Alex Trebek: Settle down, just relax. You wrote.. nothing. And you wagered.. nothing.

Calista Flockhart: [ in a whisper ] The pen was too heavy.

Alex Trebek: Fair enough. Mr. Connery?

Sean Connery: We meet again.

Alex Trebek: Let's see your answer.. [ screen reads "Buck" ] Oh, I'm sorry.. that must be you wager. A Buck. And you answer is.. [ screen reads "Futter" ] Futter. Buck Futter, I don't get it.

Sean Connery: Ohhhh.. I think you do, Trebek. I tThink you do, indeed!

Alex Trebek: Well, thanks for joining us..

Sean Connery: [ yelling ] Buck Futter!!

Alex Trebek: Fine, whatever. That's it for "Celebrity Jeopardy".. [ shaking head ] I don't know..

[dtw]

Oh dear - WARNING - Productivity killer:

http://mrt300.ods.org/snl/view.php?jeopardy

[}{arlequin]

thank you. Really, thank you guys. I have been cracking up for the past few minutes. Was this an old episode? I don't ever remember seeing that one. And that link..... I'll be checking that at home.

Also, does anyone know if there are clips out there of the episode with Christopher Walken? I'm sure he's been in a few, but there was one where they did a skit about full costume auditions for Star Wars. Funniest thing I ever saw.

[djmcmath]

That's awesome! Thanks for brightening my afternoon! lol

[Neilk]

I haven't laughed that hard in ages. I need to find a kleenex.

[Icemaster]

Anyone ever see the REAL Celebrity Jeopardy with Al Franken, Geraldine Ferraro and Andrea Mitchell?

Al answered a question something along the lines of "Name the three branches of the federal government", Ferraro & Mitchell were silent. Al rings in, answers the qustion and quips "...and I'm the comedian."

Was worthy of a SNL mention.

[smoak]

The Burt Reynolds, Sean Connery and French Stuart

Final Jeapordy question was write down any number, any number at all and you win. Maybe a 1, or a 2 or a 3 or a 4. Its that simple I know you can do it.

Let's start with French Stuart who's grinning like an idiot. You look pretty sure of yourself, you think you have the right answer?

Yes I am sure of it Alex. And you wrote

Frenchy: Threeve. a combination of 3 and 5 and you wagered wagered Texas. Simply stunning.

Lets go to Burt Reynolds

Burt Reynolds: Don't bother I didn't write anything. Good work

How about Mr. Connery. You wrote the letter v. well v is a roman numeral and you wagered... SUCK IT TREBECK.


That is CLASSIC!