Things you'd love to say at work...but can't

[RickM]

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of $hit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. Ahhh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

http://www.stamey.nu/Humor/ThingsYoudLikeToSayAtWork.htm

[Evans, Marv]

Rick:
You can't even say things you'd love to say when you're not at work. A lady friend called a radio station some years ago when they were asking people to call in to say what they'd like to say at work. She, of course, said, "Take this job & shove it". Somebody at work heard it, told the boss & she was fired over it.

[84porsche]

Originally posted by Evans, Marv
Somebody at work heard it, told the boss & she was fired over it.

She could sue for wrongful termination. I don't think that is enough to fire someone over. But with today's at-will employment, an employer doesn't even need a reason to let someone go and doesn't even have to tell them the reason. My friend lost her job after a year and all they told her was "we don't think you are moving with the company."

[tabs]

To a male boss/fellow employee:

I fantasize about U when I masterbate...........

To the boss who has been timing you in the restroom:

You've seen me eat, it's all got to come out sometime....and didja ever take such a big one that you cloged up the toliette....

[tabs]

BTW...I didi...I did....say these things at work....

[RickM]

Tabs, you crack me up...what was the result of your statement?

Quote: "She, of course, said, "Take this job & shove it".

Marv, this woman work for a ketchup company?

[tabs]

The boy who I said the first statement to was a druggy, who would fk anything that walked or crawled....after I said it he wouldn't come near me for 2 weeks until all the other guys told him about me...BTW all the others who heard me say this to him just cracked up...

second statement was to a supervisor....I was sitting in the John reading a comic book...luckily I hid it in the paper gasket holder....

The supervisor said U know you've bin in there for 1/2 an hour to which I replied ....Welll you've seen me eat and.....what could he say.....

[djmcmath]

I say those things at work. Seriously. But then, it takes an act of Congress to fire me, so it's alright.

Dan

[Drago]

At my old job we could pretty much say whatever we wanted (to each other, not the boss)...only because there were no women in that office, only 10 or so guys...

[Evans, Marv]

Rick:
She worked for a credit union.

[pbs911]

I'd love to say "I quit" but I have to pay bills.