Got your NBC suits ready?

[concentric]

The nuclear enema - it's what's for breakfast...
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/3695588.stm

You're going to get it, don't tell me I never warned you.

JCM

[dhoward]

"Pesky plutonium..."
-Homer Simpson

[84porsche]

So does it run on regular unleaded gasoline?

Unfortunately no, it needs something with a little more kick - plutonium.

Plutonium... wait, are you telling me that this sucker is nuclear?

No no no, this sucker's electrical, but it requires a nuclear reaction to generate the 1.21 gigawatts of electricity I need.

Doc, you don't just walk into a store and buy plutonium... did you rip that off?

[djmcmath]

Kyrgyzstan invades neighboring Uzbekistan

AP - Dan McMath - In an unprecendented move, Kyrgystani Freedom Fighters, known locally as "Rtyzhta," have officially invaded neighboring Uzbekistan in order to secure access to the Uzbekistani vowel fields. Vowel-poor Kyrgystani Rtyzhta have for several months been conducting skirmishes across into Uzbekistan, raiding the vowel storehouses that supply local villages. The shortages have become more extreme, however, forcing the Rtyzhta to make a formal declaration of war.

"It is our sacred duty to liberate excess vowels from the extravagant Uzbekistanis -- look, they even use vowels in the very extravagant name of their country!" explained Kyrgyzstani ruler, Qzatl Tghylan. "The Americans refuse to provide aid to my vowel-starved people, despite our many requests. Instead, they flagrantly abuse their excesses, using words like 'banana' or 'kiwi,' words that have been outlawed here for their high vowel-consonant ratios." A mob of supportive peasants outside the Mr. Tghylan's office chanted their support for his invasion.

Kyrgyzstan is the most vowel-poor nation in the world, according to a recent census taken by WVO (World Vowel Organization - link). A spokesman from the WVO reported that many Kyrgyzstani children reach adulthood without ever seeing a vowel -- let alone using one!

The Uzbekistani vowel fields near Krblytzik are moderately sized deposits of vowels, rich in 'y' and 'i,' with the occasional trace of 'a.' A great many of the Krblytzik vowels are shipped internationally, though some are processed locally. Roughly 80% of all 'y's worldwide originate from the Krblytzik vowel fields. The largest importer of vowels is a group of islands in the Pacific who flaunt their wealth in their very name, "Hawaii," which only has two consonants.

//This is Dan, reporting live from Uzbekistan.