A Day in the Life of Joe Republican

[911S Targa]

I was emailed this and found it interesting, so what the hell. Maybe you will too:

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF JOE REPUBLICAN

Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his
morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging
liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards.

With his first swallow of water, he takes his daily medication. His
medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought
to ensure their safety and that they work as advertised.

All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical
plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid
medical insurance - now Joe gets it too.

He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe
to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the
meat packing industry.

In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is
properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total
contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what
he was putting on his body and how much it contained.

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes
is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws
to stop industries from polluting our air.

He walks on the government-provided sidewalk to subway station for his
government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in
parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought
for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the
opportunity to be a contributor.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical
benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy
liberal union members fought and died for these working
standards. Joe's employer adheres to these standards because Joe's
employer doesn't want his
employees to call the union.

If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a worker
compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn't
think he should lose his home because of his temporary
misfortune.

It is noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some
bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some
godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers
who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.

Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his
below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided
that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and
earned more money over his lifetime. Joe also forgets that his in
addition to his federally
subsidized student loans, he attended a state funded university.

Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his
farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is
among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought
for car safety standards to go along with the taxpayer funded roads.

He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in
the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers
didn't want to make rural loans.

The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal
stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural
electrification.

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on
Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking,
cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe
wouldn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk
show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and
conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans
have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout
his day. Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government liberals
ruining our lives!

After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care
of themselves, just like I have."

[cegerer]

May I direct you to this website for much needed guidance?

http://www.lp.org/

[CamB]

Ah, the Libertarian Party.

A great idea on the face of it, except no-one is ever brave enough to pull the trigger on it (ie, no govt I'm aware of is libertarian).

We have a semi-libertarian party (called ACT) - they struggle up to just over the 5% threshold every election year. We had a genuine Libertarian party for one or two elections. I just checked and memory serves me correctly - they were significantly outvoted by the Aotearoa Legalise Cannabis party (the name is self explanatary).

[rcecale]

Will the real "Joe Republican" please stand up...



The Code:

A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that
term only because they are female.

A Retrosexual DEALS with IT. Be it a flat tire, break-in into your
home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long
you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and
drinking, I salute you.

A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman.
Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an end
cap (possibly 2 end caps if you include shaving goods.)

A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years
old.

A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be.
This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.

A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.

A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on
National TV.

A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental
stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a
freak treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a
different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to
see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy
was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to
conceal himself from prey.

A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie - and
ONLY a Windsor knot.

A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about
getting.

A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer
a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can - or be
rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.

A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that you are riddled
with fear. Guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus
it's just plain fun to shoot.

Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none
of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports
teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release
is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual
can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a
pet
(fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part.

A Retrosexual's favorite movie isn't "Maid in Manhattan" (unless that
refers to some foxy french maid sitting in a huge tub of brandy or
whiskey), or "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood". Acceptable ones
may include any of the Dirty Harry or Nameless Drifter movies (Clint in
his better days), Rambo I or II, the Dirty Dozen, The Godfather trilogy,
Scarface, The Road Warrior, The Die Hard series, Caddyshack,
Rocky I, II, or III, Full Metal Jacket, any James Bond Movie, Raging Bull,
Bullitt, any Bruce Lee movie, Apocalypse Now, Goodfellas, Reservoir Dogs,
Fight Club, etc.

When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train and a
pregnant woman, hell, any woman gets on, that Retrosexual stands up and
offers his seat to that woman. He then looks around at the other so
called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his
face.

A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct
emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star
Spangled Banner.

A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not
understand, but that are essential to his manliness. These activities
offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged
in a serious healthy relationship - I.E. hunting, boxing, shot putting,
shooting, cigars, car maintenance, or highest of all, car racing.

A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.

A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding
all over or driving under 20 mph, without anxiety, and without
high-centering his ride on a plow berm.

A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants.
Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land.

A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but
any elderly person or person in military dress (except officers above 2nd
Lt.) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the
Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for
serving their country.

A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract, a handshake is good enough.
He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other
person deceived him.

A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does

Something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the
process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT.

GOT THAT???????????????????????????

Randy

[911S Targa]

Originally posted by cegerer
May I direct you to this website for much needed guidance?

http://www.lp.org/

No guidance needed. I didnt write the above email.