Jokes for Monday morning...

[Moses]

DIPLOMACY

A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket, and
asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that
department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce.

The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old
bastard wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his
sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he
quickly added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other
half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the
manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself
out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet
here. Where are you from son?"

"New Zealand, sir," the boy replied.

"Well, why did you leave New Zealand?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and rugby players there."

"Really," replied the manager? "My wife is from New Zealand!"

"Really??" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


A SENSITIVE MAN

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.

Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love.

After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"

The guy says :

"Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."