When you're old:
 

Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes & you're barefoot.
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
Getting a little action" means there's no need to take any fiber today.
Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot
An "all-nighter" means not getting up to go to the bathroom.
No one expects you to run -- anywhere.
People call at 9 P.M.& ask, "Did I wake you?"
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Things you buy now won't wear out.
You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
You enjoy hearing about other peoples' operations.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into theroom.
You sing along with elevator music.
Your eyes won't get much worse.
Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather
service.
Your secrets are safe with your friends, because they can't remember
them either.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
You have to go down on your hands and knees to pick something up, then think to yourself, "What else can I do while I'm down here?"