Drive-up ATM Procedures
 

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this bank is installing new "Drive-through" teller machines. Customers using this new
facility are requested to use the below outlined procedures when accessing their accounts.

MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed after months of careful research.


MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
3. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
4. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
5. Drive off.



FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down
4. Find handbag; remove all contents on to passengerger seat to locate card.
5. Turn the radio down.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open the car door to allow easy access to machine due to its excessive distance from the vehicle.
8. Insert card.
9. Reinsert card the right way up.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and reenter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check make up in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Recheck make-up again.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate cardholder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver lined up behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull away.
25. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
26. Release Parking Brake

This isn't my original idea, but I have always wondered why they have instructions in braille at the drive-up tellers. :eek:

Randy

Hilarious, Randy! :D I've thought the same.

LOL, generic keypad...

Randy -
It's probably for the women who can't find their reading glasses b/c they've fallen off the passenger seat onto the floor... or are on top of their head ... or stuck under the sun visor... or...

JP

So they don't get sued for discrimination.

True story.

Back in the day i worked for a computer consultant. He started a training center catering to the deaf. He figures being deaf does not have many real limitations for computer operators.

He got sued by the local disabled advocacy group for discriminating AGAINST the disabled because his course was designed ONLY for the deaf.

He shut it down instead.

Scott

Curt, that is great. I was behind one of these women just this weekend at an ATM.
WAKE UP,THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE WORLD WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JEEZ.

(Maybe it's me):rolleyes:

Not everyone that reads braille is blind. My mom reads it.. she's still looking for the bumper sticker that says "driver reads braille"

Tim,

I suppose that might come in handy if it were foggy or dark outside. But I'd be willing to bet that Mom isn't using her braille skills at the drive-up ATM. ;)

Randy

Actually she routinely does to check for accuracy and asks for braille menu's at Mcdonald's and other places just to check to see who's actally ADA compliant. You'd be suprised how many people look at you like you're from mars when you ask for a braille or large print menu. Also freqently the braille on signs and such are downright wrong.

Guess this is it :

http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a4_010.html

"...because federal regulations require it. To be specific, section 4.34.4 of the ADA Accessibility Guidelines for Buildings and Facilities (Appendix to Part 1191, 36 CFR Chapter XI, issued pursuant to the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990) says, "Instructions and all information for use [of an automated teller machine] shall be made accessible to and independently usable by persons with vision impairments." Drive-up ATMs, unlike the walk-up variety, don't need to be wheelchair accessible, but the rules make no exception regarding accessibility by the blind."

Ahhhhhh, the legislators made it this way. Somehow, after reading this type of nonsense, it doesn't surprise me. :D

And Tim, sounds like Mom's been catching a lot of people off guard. Awesome! I love it!!! :D

Randy

In California you can't get a drivers license if your blind, but you can get a hunting license.

Re: ATMs

How annoying is it when people wait in line for the drive up ATM and only start looking for their card after they pull up to the ATM, or take a couple of minutes to arrange their wallets after getting money. Move up ten feet and then put away your money you stupid a**.

Lastly, if banks can program ATM machines to read cards and pin numbers, why can't they also know your language preference? That annoys the eff out of me.

Lol, one of my pet peeves. Same for the person who just starts to look for their checkbook, cash or CC when they get to the cashier. To add insult to injury they will spend 5 minutes going through their purse (:) ) trying to find 99c in change.......all pennies.

Neil -
No shyt; it's too frequent and not just at ATMs; and it seems to be women most of the time. As though there are no other people on the planet; or worse, that they're more deserving. No... my life is not yours to waste.

How many times have you been on line somewhere (grocery store for example) and the person in front of you just stands there, dumbstruck, staring bovinely into space while their items are being rung up. The tally comes and then and ONLY then to they snap back to this reality (often with a noticeable physical tic) and start to look for their wallet/credit card/whatever. Which event too frequently requires the purse-dive, maybe finding/putting on glasses to look into the purse for the right checkbook or credit card, or searching ... searching ... F*cking searching for exact change.

I've said something the last couple of times this has happened, on the order of "does this having to pay "thing" surprise you? You couldn't have the (credit card out) (checkbook out with the Payee and date already filled in) by the time they were done ringing your items?" Whatever their feeble response, I usually follow with a derisive laugh and "Oh, I'M the rude one here? How much of your time have I wasted? How much of everybody else in this line's time?" (NOTE below). Yeah, a few friends don't like to go shopping w/ me anymore. OTOH, a few love to. :D

An ex-grilf used to be a mistress of this self-absorption. We lived in Brooklyn Heights and did most of our shopping by walking to/from the supermarket, cleaner, butcher, etc. I'm a reasonably large guy so I was the coolie.

We'd be approaching the brownstone, me laden down like a pack elephant ... turning the corner ... arms sore now ... coming down the sidewalk ... fingers turning blue ... approaching... approaching the building ... getting there ... forearm involuntarily twitching ... at the gate now ... and up the steps and ... be AT THE F*CKING DOOR before the ex-grilf (the sum total of whose burden was her purse) even started to THINK about maybe having to LOOK for her keys.

She'd get to the door and you could almost hear "click" in her head as she realized the door, as it hadn't in the million times before, wasn't going to magically open for her and she'd need keys. Only then would she begin to look for keys, while I'm slowly being crushed by the burdens I'm bearing; fingers torn at the joints by the loops of the plastic bags.

After the third ... count 'em, one two three ... time this happened, I told her if the door wasn't opened when I got there ... if it was too much responsibility for her to have to remember the door would need to be unlocked when we reached it ... I'd leave the bags at the door and she could carry them up the two flights to our apt. And I did.

JP

NOTE -- it occurs to me that if this same pinhead that just held me up -- and whose opinion I couldn't give a wet fart for -- was behind me in line, I'd be hustling to get done to get out of her way and not inconvenience her. I'm a pretty damned courteous guy ... until you pi$$ me off.

Yeah, I love it when you pull up and somebody is already there. You wait and wait and wait, assuming they're waiting for their transaction to be processed. Then suddenly they just pull away!! They've spent all that time putting their money away or finishing off their Big Mac or whatever ...... :eek: These people are completely oblivious.

The only thing more annoying is actually going in and dealing with a teller face-to-face ...... I do 95% of my banking via ATM but occasionally have to venture inside ...... I don't think I look like a criminal, but I'm usually treated like one in there. Maybe I'm just used to the neutral personality of the ATM machine or the happy little tones it plays as it spits the money out.

JP - that is funny! Only because there's so much truth in there.

Reminds me of my wife. Whenever we take her vehicle, I usually drive. So we all get in the truck. And we sit and we sit and we sit. Silently. I never say a word. After about a couple minutes, I hear that little 'click' go off in her brain as she asks me what I'm waiting for ..... ummm, I need some keys ...... At this point she begins rummaging thru her purse, then gets out, goes back into the house and does a 10 minute search ...... this happens each and EVERY time we use her vehicle! :rolleyes:

My wife told me a story about some "lunatic" driver who went ballistic on her at the gas station. Apparently she pulled up to the gas island and took the first open pump even though the the pump further down the line was also vacant. The guy behind her started yelling, got out, and demanded that she move ahead to the next pump. She responded with something like "I'm comfortable with this pump", forcing him to back out and go around and approach from the "exit" direction. She acted like the guy was totally out of line :rolleyes:

To her defense, she didn't even know there was a car behind her ...:mad:

Your wife and my wife must be distant relatives...drives me insane....but not insane enough to let her drive!

It'll be cold and drizzly outside and we'll be out somewhere... so we run to the car and THEN she starts digging for her keys, like all women do. After fumbling with the keys trying to find the right one for probably 3 minutes, she just COMPLETELY out of nowhere tosses the keys at me. Usually I'm standing there just looking around and get smacked right upside the head with a 20 lb keychain!!! Of course, I unlock the door then push the unlock button before I even sit down so she can get inside, becuase I'm a nice guy like that.

Pretty much every time we go somewhere she'll unlock her door then get in and start the car, look for her chapstick, dig through cds, whatever. Oh yeah, I'm still standing on the other side of the door waiting for her to push the unlock button.

All very funny and dead-on. I feel the same as Slacker. I was recently in line at Arclight theatre in LA, which offers reserved seating (the worst idea to come to movies, or to movie lines.) Two women are in front of me, lingering over the seating chart with self-amused indecision -- totally oblivious of the line behind them. I remind them that they are picking seats, not taking out a mortgage. Furious glances, of course. How dare I!

Hey Guys,
First time I have ever seen this happen: I was pulling into a gas station yesterday and here comes this Brutus charging out of the in driveway...........with the effing hose attached to his truck!!!!!!!
They must be a breakaway design now because there was no leakage at the pump. What a dumb@#$! At least he hung up from his cell call.
Wayne:p

p.s I drive whenever my wife and I go somewhere. It's easier than hearing me complain about her driving. She is actually a very safe driver but she refuses to even go 5 over. AARRRGGHH!

True story.

The other day, I went to the grocery store. It was raining lightly and the parking lot was full. I was cruising slowly down an aisle with another car (a BMW) trailing behind me also looking for a spot. In front of me, a woman with one small bag in her hand approached her car and started to fumble for her keys. Without hesitation, I passed her and looked for a spot in the far end of the lot. I did not want to wait for her inevitable get in the car, fix your makeup, make a cell-phone call, start the car routine. The BMW driver waited for the womans spot.

In the store I was in the checkout line and the BMW driver approached me. He had just entered the store. He asked me how I knew that woman was going to take all day to get out of her parking spot. I just smiled. I never wait for a woman to get out of a parking spot. Life is too short.

haha, awesome, Moses!!

I was pulling up to the ATM machine on the way to the office this morning and basically got cut off by a woman driving a pickup truck and talking on the cellphone. So, I figure this would be a good chance to catch up on some reading - like maybe finishing off the last half of War & Peace. But, she pulls up, she's got her card out the window before even coming to a stop, inserts that card, boom-boom-boom, out comes the receipt and she's gone!!!! She must have been a lesbian.

That's excellent, Curt. Hopefully, she will pass that along to her "friends".

nice snowstorm, today, eh?

Yeah, I'm getting a little sick of this snow. Just got back from Utah Sat night. Thought I left all the snow there (325+ inches in the mountains!). Apparently, it followed me home .....

Yeah, thanks Curt.
Roads were a bit slick this am, too.
I am now ready for spring. The 911 is patiently waiting for the next nice day. Of course, so are the gutters and the tree limbs, etc.

Guys,

Com'on quit moaning about having to deal with this braille stuff, you only have to experience as part of life...I have to deal with it professionally.

I kid you not....I have sat down with local Authority guys about DDA (equivalent to ADA)....I'm doing an Underground car park and in all seriousness the guy insisted on a braille keypad at the entrance gate, high viz contrasting markings for delineation of bays...and largeprint numbers and finished it off with 'its essential to help visually impaired drivers.'

I have now designed an Underground car park that complies with the demands of visually impaired drivers, naturally my Client is delighted at having to spend additional monies to 'assist these drivers' who one so naturally assume are behind the wheel.

What tickles me more is that in the same conversation the same Officer was bemoaning the additional work this DDA compliance was imposing on him......oh the joys of civil servants..