Bible quotes

[Milu]

We haven't had a religious crusade in OT for a while.

Any favourite quotes?

This one was a new one to me:

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ezekiel%2023:20-21;&version=31;

[Milu]

Five minutes and no war yet!

Ok, how about some bible based humour:


1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female,
provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Spaniards, but not French. Can you clarify?
Why can't I own a Frenchwoman?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price
for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I
tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2.
clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him
myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I
don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around
their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How
should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
unclean, but can I wear pigskin shoes if I put them on with gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different
crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse
and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of
getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we
just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

[WOODPIE]

Dear Milu,

1. You may own a Frenchwoman, but only if purchased from a Spaniard.

2. No one here is going to makle an offer on your daughter without pics. However, if she is accustomed to genitals the size of a donkey's, you can expect no more than five and twenty shekels.

3. Never inquire personally. Your French slave should sniff around on your behalf.

4. It's not the smell they object to, it's the noise and the lateness of the hour. Smite them

5. Smite him.

6. No, no degrees. Smite him and find new "friends."

7. The Southern Baptist tribes around here have acheived a clarity of vision that I can only assume could come from staring into the sun through a magnifying glass. Sort of a down-home laser surgery.

8. Use the method of smite which most pleases you, and again, find new friends.

9. The French slavewoman should handle your pigskin shoes when you dress, then be immediately smitten.

10. By not inviting the whole town, you yourself run the risk of being smote.

Ed

[widebody911]

My fave biblical site: http://www.thebricktestament.com

[Don Ro]

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[adrian jaye]

Hey Milu old buddy

hows tricks !

ok...

my favorite is the 23rd Psalm...

"The Lord is my shepherd"

far from being a prayer for the dead. It promise's to me that God looks out for me.

" Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows. "

When it gets too much for me and people are trying to make me fall, I remember that, cos wherever I go the Lords got my back !

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also

Galatians 5:13 (New International Version)

13You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature[a]; rather, serve one another in love.

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enjoy your day ma brother

[adrian jaye]

Originally posted by Milu

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

funny you should say that, I actually came across that yesterday by mistake.

and I thought about it from the way it reads, I can't say, I assume as it from the OT its more about jewish law and customs than anything else.

but, (suddenly seeing the joke !!!)

yeah "hey babe are you on..?"
"fcuk off and get me some cake !"

hahahahaha

[coloradoporsche]

It's not really a quote, but maybe some of the church goers can help me out with this logical conundrum:

If I remember correctly, the book of Job starts off with God arguing with the devil about whether God's children are truly faithful. To prove his point, God kills Job's sons, destroys his crops, and does a bunch of other stuff to him. At the end, Job is still faithful and, thus God wins the argument.

So if God is omnipotent, why would he have an argument with anybody in the first place, not to mention killing a bunch of people just to prove a point?


On the lighter side.....
Bart Simpson to Sunday school teacher: "Wouldn't you get used to Hell, like in a hot-tub? Will there be pirates in Hell? Will an amputated leg be reattached in Heaven? Will there be animals in Heaven? What about cavemen? Robots with a human brain? What if a ventriloquist goes to Heaven, will his dummy go too?"

Teacher: "I don't know! All these questions! Is a little blind faith too much to ask?!"

[lendaddy]

Ok, the "What are the odds?" argument is quite silly. It assumes that there is an end goal when these "mutations" start happening.

For instance, flip a coin 10 times and write down the results. When you are done you will have created a sequence that will only occur once in every 2,048 ten-flip attempts! But in reality it means nothing unless you had that particular combination as a goal at the outset.

I am no anti-Christian, but these kind of arguments always bugged me for their intellectual dishonesty. Not saying it's on purpose, but irrelevant none the less.

So, while the existence of any life in the first place is amazing, the fact that mutations of life ended up in some form of "more perfect" life is not. In fact it's quite predictable.

[djmcmath]

Originally posted by Milu

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different
crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse
and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of
getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we
just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people

Now this is a really important point, actually. Getting the whole town together to get somebody stoned is an important ritual. Such famous bands as "Pink Floyd" became popular largely because of getting together to get stoned. Imagine the poor musical diversity we would share had these young musicians failed to follow the simple guidance provided in Leviticus? For shame, Milu, you're asking for a good smiting over there...

[gavinlit]

Certainly our current forms of life would not have evolved if you did not have those preconditions but it's highly probably that others more suited would have. Of course you then find yourself mucking about trying to define what 'life' is.

Saying the probability of mutations working out is quite small and then being amazed is equivalent to seeing a number plate and saying to yourself 'wow - imagine odds of seeing that. One in _________. That's incredible'. Not incredible, just as likely or unlikely as seeing any other plate. No theory is perfect (including that of evolution) but some have less obvious holes than others and are yet to be disproved. I'd guess that many don't have 'faith' in the theory of evolution, it's just the currently accepted idea which may itself change or evolve, and if disproved, be replaced by something else. This is one of the differences between ideas of faith and scientific theories.

Edit - BTW, those questions posed are super funny. I'd say if in doubt - smite away. Makes me wonder about the saying 'to be smitten' by someone.

[gavinlit]

That's assuming a linear pattern of growth rather than some sort of limited exponential model. Also assumes that the first organism was the only one AND that for each subsequent mutation of that organism no other living organisms came into being/were created in other places.

[IROC]

Arguing against the theory of evolution is a lost cause. 99% of the people who "don't believe" in the theory of evolution are essentially ignorant of theory itself. Otherwise they wouldn't have a problem with it.

I read a very good analogy a while back about people who try and argue the "impossibility" of evolution. Arguing that evolution is impossible is like standing in a busy airport and telling a group of aerospace engineers that there's no way a "heavier than air" ship can fly.

Mike

[lendaddy]

Indeed Alfred, you assume much there. I know were you're coming from, but everything is relative. I have had people tell me "there must be a god, look at how beautiful the sunset is!". This also is silly. If the most beautiful thing on earth were a lump of coal, we would be equally amazed by it's beauty. Do you see what I mean?

So, when you discuss the probability of this or that mutating, keep in mind you work with the limited science we know. Every 50-100 years we realize how ignorant we were scientifically in our previous "period of brilliance"

[David McLaughlin]

Ephesians
4:25 Therefore, having laid aside falsehood, each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor,31 for we are members of one another. 4:26 Be angry and do not sin;32 do not let the sun go down on the cause of your anger.33 4:27 Do not give the devil an opportunity. 4:28 The one who steals must steal no longer; rather he must labor, doing good with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with the one who has need. 4:29 You must let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but only what is beneficial for the building up of the one in need,34 that it may give grace to those who hear. 4:30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 4:31 You must put away every kind of bitterness, anger, wrath, quarreling, and evil, slanderous talk. 4:32 Instead,35 be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you.36

[gavinlit]

And wouldn't the world be a marvelous place if everyone just stuck to the above. Kind, compassionate, forgiving people. Sounds like a nice kinda place. Now that's something from the bible that you'd be hard pressed to argue about.
Btw David, my house needs painting

[IROC]

Originally posted by gavinlit
And wouldn't the world be a marvelous place if everyone just stuck to the above. Kind, compassionate, forgiving people. Sounds like a nice kinda place.

Yep. Too bad a nice, benevolent supernatural being that truly cares about everything on Earth doesn't really exist. That would be really nice.

Mike

[David McLaughlin]

Originally posted by gavinlit
Btw David, my house needs painting

What would you like your house painted on? I can too tee shirts, canvas, metal, cars, helmets, etc. Or would you prefer a mural of your house in your house?

For those that say they don't believe in God... I only wish I were that strong. To be able to stand on your own in a work like this take a lot of faith. BTW, even Satan believes in God, so you're stronger than him too.

[lendaddy]

Originally posted by David McLaughlin
What would you like your house painted on? I can too tee shirts, canvas, metal, cars, helmets, etc. Or would you prefer a mural of your house in your house?

For those that say they don't believe in God... I only wish I were that strong. To be able to stand on your own in a work like this take a lot of faith. BTW, even Satan believes in God, so you're stronger than him too.

David, with all due respect, that is way out of line. Whether or not I believe in God or gods is in no way a statement of strength. The word "believe" means something. If you do, that's great seriously. But if I don't, should I pretend that I do? Would that be better? Is it what you say to others or what is in your heart that counts?

[David McLaughlin]

I meant no hostility, honest. People have always looked up to a higher power(s) to make sence of what they don't understand and to help them through this short life. IMHO, it takes a very strong person to go at life alone. I thought I was a strong person once, not yet a year ago, I realized how weak I truely was and how much help I needed. One should never pretend to believe in something they don't. There is too much falsehood in this world as it is. For more than 30 years I disliked religion because of false people.

BTW, I just looked at that site :PeoplesNation.com. That's my kind of attitude! Thanks for the lead.