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- - 1337 hax0r (http://forums.pelicanparts.com/off-topic-discussions/218680-1337-hax0r.html)

Quote:

The story starts (I'm shortcutting here) with an [Please control your cussing] insulting everyone on the IRC channel. Most people there believed it was rather funny, but it got even more funny. For information: The dangerous hacker is called *****checker and the one being hacked and original author of the comments, who is talking here, is known as Elch. 127.0.0.1 is always the IP-adress of the computer you're currently using, any request there will return to your computer.

QUOTE
* *****checker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
* *****checker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
<*****checker> why do you kick me
<*****checker> can't you discus normally
<*****checker> answer!
<Elch> we didn't kick you
<Elch> you had a ping timeout: * *****checker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
<*****checker> what ping man
<*****checker> the timing of my pc is right
<*****checker> i even have dst
<*****checker> you banned me
<*****checker> amit it you son of a *****
<HopperHunter|afk> LOL
<HopperHunter|afk> **** you're stupid, DST^^
<*****checker> shut your mouth WE HAVE DST!
<*****checker> for two weaks already
<*****checker> when you start your pc there is a message from windows that DST is applied.
<Elch> You're a real computer expert
<*****checker> shut up i hack you
<Elch> ok, i'm quiet, hope you don't show us how good a hacker you are ^^
<*****checker> tell me your network number man then you're dead
<Elch> Eh, it's 129.0.0.1
<Elch> or maybe 127.0.0.1
<Elch> yes exactly that's it: 127.0.0.1 I'm waiting for you great attack
<*****checker> in five minutes your hard drive is deleted
<Elch> Now I'm frightened
<*****checker> shut up you'll be gone
<*****checker> i have a program where i enter your ip and you're dead
<*****checker> say goodbye
<Elch> to whom?
<*****checker> to you man
<*****checker> buy buy
<Elch> I'm shivering thinking about such great Hack0rs like you
* *****checker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)

What happened is clear: That guy entered his own IP-Adress in his mighty Hack-Tool and crashed his own PC. This way, the attack on my PC was a failure. I was already starting to think that I did not have to worry, but a good hacker never calls it a day. Two minutes later he returned.

QUOTE
* *****checker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
<*****checker> dude be happy my pc crashed otherwise you'd be gone
<Metanot> lol
<Elch> *****checker: Then try hacking me again... I still have the same IP: 127.0.0.1
<*****checker> you're so stupid man
<*****checker> say buy buy
<Metanot> ah, [Please control your cussing] off
<*****checker> buy buy elch
* *****checker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)

There was a tension in the room... Would he manage, after these two failures, to crash my PC? I waited. Nothing happened. I felt relieve... Six minutes passed by until he prepared the next wave of attack. Being a Hacker, who usually cracks whole data centers, he knew what his problem was now.

QUOTE
* *****checker (~java@euirc-9ff3c180.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
<*****checker> elch you son of a *****
<Metanot> *****checker how old are you?
<Elch> What's up *****checker?
<*****checker> you have a frie wal
<*****checker> fire wall
<Elch> maybe, i don't know
<*****checker> i'm 26
<Metanot> such behaviour with 26?
<Elch> how did you find out that I have a firewall?
<Metanot> tststs this is not very nice missy
<*****checker> because your gay fire wall directed my turn off signal back to me
<*****checker> be a man turn that **** off
<Elch> cool, didn't know this was possible.
<*****checker> thn my virus destroys your pc man
<Metanot> are you hacking yourselves?
<Elch> yes *****checker is trying to hack me
<Metanot> he *****checker if you're a hacker you have to get around a firewall even i can do that
<*****checker> yes man i hack the elch but the sucker has a fire wall the
<Metanot> what firewall do you have?
<*****checker> like a girl
<Metanot> firewall is normal a normal hacker has to be able to get past it...you girl^^
<He> ***** give yourself a jackson and chill you're letting them provoce you and give those little girls new material all the time
<*****checker> turn the firewall off then i send you a virus [Please control your cussing]er
<Elch> Noo
<Metanot> he *****checker why turn it off, you should turn it off
<*****checker> you're afraid
<*****checker> i don't wanna hack like this if he hides like a girl behind a fire wall
<*****checker> elch turn off your **** wall!
<Metanot> i wanted to say something about this, do you know the definition of hacking??? if he turns of the firewall that's an invitation and that has nothing to do with hacking
<*****checker> shut up
<Metanot> lol
<*****checker> my grandma surfs with fire wall
<*****checker> and you suckers think you're cool and don't dare going into the internet without a fire wall

He calls me girly and says only his grandma would use a firewall. I know that elder people are much more intelligent then younger, but I couldn't let that rest. To see whether he really is a good hacker I lie and let everything as it is. I don't have a firewall at all, only my router.

QUOTE
<Elch> *****checker, a collegue showed me how to turn the firewall off. Now you can try again
<Metanot> *****hacker can't hack
<Black<TdV>> nice play on words ^^
<*****checker> wort man
<Elch> *****checker: I'm still waiting for your attack!
<Metanot> how many times again he is no hacker
<*****checker> man do you want a virus
<*****checker> tell me your ip and it deletes your hard drive
<Metanot> lol ne give it up i'm a hacker myself and i know how hackers behave and i can tell you 100.00% you're no hacker..^^
<Elch> 127.0.0.1
<Elch> it's easy
<*****checker> lolololol you so stupid man you'll be gone
<*****checker> and are the first files being deleted
<Elch> mom...
<Elch> i'll take a look

In panic I started the Windows Explorer, my heart beating faster. Had I under-estimated him?

QUOTE
<*****checker> don't need to rescue you can't son of a *****
<Elch> that's bad
<*****checker> elch you idiout your hard drive g: is deleted
<Elch> yes, there's nothing i can do about it
<*****checker> and in 20 seconds f: is gone

Yes, true, G: and F: were gone. Did I ever have them? Doesn't matter, I did not have time to think, I was scared. *****checker was comforting me with a music tip.

QUOTE
<*****checker> tupac rules
<*****checker> elch you son of a ***** your f: is gone and e: too

Drive E:? Oh my god... All the games are there! And the vacation pictures! I instantly take a look. Everything still there. But the hacker said it was deleted....

Or isn't it happening on my computer?

QUOTE
<*****checker> and d: is at 45% you idiot lolololol
<He> why doesn't meta say anything
<Elch> he's probably rolling on the floor laughing
<Black<TdV>> ^^
<*****checker> your d: is gone
<He> go on *****

The guy is good: My CD-drive is allegedly deleted! *****checker turned my ancient disk sucker into a burner! But how did he do this? I'll have to ask him. Some encourage him. He himself is giving advice how to avoid the disaster on my hard drives.

QUOTE
<*****checker> elch man you're so stupid never give your ip on the internet
<*****checker> i'm already at c: 30 percent

Should I tell him he's not attacking my computer?

QUOTE
* *****checker (~java@euirc-9ff3c180.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)

Too late... It's 20:22 when we get the last message of our hacker with the alias "*****checker". We see that he has a "Ping timeout". We haven't seen him since then... must be the Daylight Saving Time.

hahahaha

Is it bad that this is one of the funniest things I have seen in quite a while? Do I need to get out from under the flourescent lighting and see the sun? I love stupid people, except when I have to work with them...

That's even better than the time someone whined to me that a file system was full, and I told them the command to create more space was "rm -rf &"

Or another user who whined that his workstation was too slow, and I told him he could speed it up with "init 6"

I had one user who caught wind that another co-worker was getting extra RAM added to his workstation, and he pitched a fit saying he needed more too. I told him "Sure, I ordered a bunch of it. I'll do it tonight when I do the others" So that night, I opened his machine, removed 1/2 the RAM, buttoned it all up, but didn't even bother to even straighten his desk afterwards, to make it very obvious that I had worked on it. The next day he was singing praises about how much better his system was working!

That's good, too. I used to love telling people that things were slow/ weren't working because Microsoft was rebooting the Internet. "Oh. How long wil that take?" was usually the response.

Quote:

Originally posted by magilla
That's good, too. I used to love telling people that things were slow/ weren't working because Microsoft was rebooting the Internet. "Oh. How long wil that take?" was usually the response.

Quote:

Originally posted by widebody911
That's even better than the time someone whined to me that a file system was full, and I told them the command to create more space was "rm -rf &"

Haha those are great.

Quote:

I've actually convinced someone that the internet was full and they'd have to come back later. I told another user there was a loose nut behind their keyboard, but unfortunately it wasn't covered under their service contract.

haha you guys are mean.

I was just readin that again. My favorite is

Quote:

-my grandma surfs with fire wall
- and you suckers think you're cool and don't dare going into the internet without a fire wall

hahaha

Quote:

turn the firewall off then i send you a virus [Please control your cussing]er

Oh man, that's funny.

that was damn funny.. gotta love twits like that

try this site for a good laugh
http://www.actsofgord.com/

Surely you all have seen The B@st@rd Operator from He!!.

Some of these stories will bring tears of laughter to your eyes!

Did he mutter "typical" under his breath??!? Oh dear, oh dear..

"I MEANT TO SAY: That USERNAME doesn't exist"

"Huh? >wimper< It must do, I was only using it this morning!"

"Ah well, that'll be the problem, there was a virus in our system this morning, the... uh... DE VINCI Virus, wipes out users who are logged in when it goes off."

"That can't be right, my girlfriend was logged in, and I'm in her account now!"

"Which one was that?"

He tells me the username. Some people NEVER learn..

"Oh, yeah, her account was just after we discovered the virus."... >clickety clikc< "..she only lost all her files"

"But..."

"But don't worry, we've got them all on tape"

Randy

here's my favorite from bash.org:
http://www.bash.org/?search=wizard&sort=0&show=25
#104383 +(5013)- [X]

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me *****, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
--------------
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing you bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breast. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breast are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry; Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my wiener all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

Sweetheart: <logged off>

There's no place like 127.0.0.1

haha i had forgotten the BritneySpears14 one... that is priceless...

"I put on my robe and wizard hat."

thats friggin hilarious.

Thom,

I actually have tears streaming down my cheeks and people are stopping by my office door to see what the hell is going on as I gasp for breath. That was hilarious.

"Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breast are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry; Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse."

That's about where I lost it...it got worse from here on out too. Thanks!

So Thom, are you admitting that your nickname is "wellhung"? :D

That's very funny. Almost hard to believe it's not fiction.