Why Didn't I Think of That?
 

O.k. folks, we can all rest a little easier now. I'm sure many of you are troubled daily with the threat of being abducted by aliens. Well, put your minds at ease; a solution is at hand.

http://www.stopabductions.com/

Well it's about time someone marketed a solution for this common problem. Do they make a "presidential" version?

I find that my aluminum foil hat works just fine.

HA! I worked with that guy ~4years ago. He did tech write-ups.

He had a similar website up then too.

He seemed to be a bit of a slacker... but when "going postal" was all the rage, he seemed like someone http://www.pelicanparts.com/support/smileys/loki7.gif best to leave alone.
( the genius of his plan, I'm sure ;)

Kinda funny, being cellular development place we had a Faraday cage room there for isolated RF testing. You would think the guy would have wanted a job hunkered down in there.

I believe this device should get you a discount on your alien abduction insurance!

http://www.ufo2001.com/

It might protect you from space-based mind control signals, but what about land-based? I mean, the signals can still enter your brain through your face and forehead...

Although, for truly full coverage, I would suggest also purchasing the Robot Insurance Plan from Old Glory.

Tim

Old Lady #1: When my ex-husband passed away, the insurance company said his policy didn't cover him.

Old Lady #2: They didn't have enough money for the funeral.

Old Lady #3: It's so hard nowadays, with all the gangs and rap music..

Old Lady #1: What about the robots?

Old Lady #4: Oh, they're everywhere!

Old Lady #1: I don't even know why the scientists make them.

Old Lady #2: Darren and I have a policy with Old Glory Insurance, in case we're attacked by robots.

Old Lady #1: An insurance policy with a robot plan? Certainly, I'm too old.

Old Lady #2: Old Glory covers anyone over the age of 50 against robot attack, regardless of current health.

[ cut to Sam Waterston, Compensated Endorser ]

Sam Waterson: I'm Sam Waterston, of the popular TV series "Law & Order". As a senior citizen, you're probably aware of the threat robots pose. Robots are everywhere, and they eat old people's medicine for fuel. Well, now there's a company that offers coverage against the unfortunate event of robot attack, with Old Glory Insurance. Old Glory will cover you with no health check-up or age consideration. [ SUPER: Limitied Benefits First Two Years ] You need to feel safe. And that's harder and harder to do nowadays, because robots may strike at any time.

[ show pie chart reading "Cause of Death in Persons Over 50 Years of Age": Heart Disease, 42% - Robots, 58% ]

And when they grab you with those metal claws, you can't break free.. because they're made of metal, and robots are strong. Now, for only $4 a month, you can achieve peace of mind in a world full of grime and robots, with Old Glory Insurance. So, don't cower under your afghan any longer. Make a choice. [ SUPER: "WARNING: Persons denying the existence of Robots may be Robots themselves. ] Old Glory Insurance. For when the metal ones decide to come for you - and they will.

I remember that sketch, but it made me laugh out loud all over again.