"Dear Red States..." A Letter From The Blue!

[on-ramp]

Enjoy!


"Dear Red States..." A Letter From The Blue!

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Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot
Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You
get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states
pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have
kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and
hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our
resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple
and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)
90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most
of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and
condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,
Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the
tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,
Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say
that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved
in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people
with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt
weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States

[widebody911]

Sounds good, when do we secceed?

[skipdup]

What the hell is wrong with Alabama???

[5axis]

[badcar]

don't forget...blue states take 100% of the elitist attitude...obviously.

[bryanthompson]

[on-ramp]

is that a map Bush sees after a few drinks?

Thank you blue, you are released. There will now be two kinds of gasoline. Red gas cost .38 per gallon. Blue gas is $22.95 per gallon.

Adios Mother F*cker. It's been real.

[MichiganMat]

You can keep the "heartland", whatever that means.

We'll be taking all the major cities, thank you very much. Chicago, SF, LA, Seattle, Portland, Oakland, San Diego, NYC, Miami, Detroit, DC...

Good luck findiing work guys, though I hear the Army is hiring these days

[Cdnone1]

How come you can't win any elections then? Oh thats right, they where all fixed
Steve

[coloradoporsche]

A picture of the US taken from satellite at night....Coincidence? I think not!

Some of us have seen the light.

[Rondinone]

Yes, the south is so horrible that the center of population for the USA moves several miles further south every year. Many of your precious hi-tech companies are opening up shop down here and closing up there, as are many manufacturers. Case in point: Dell's newest plant is opening in North Carolina. Hyundai's billion dollar plant is down here too. Knoxville has a 4.1% unemployment compared to NYC's 6.0%.

http://www.bls.gov/news.release/metro.t01.htm

By the way, we get all the oil and most of the bread. And your *****ty beaches are nothing to our barrier islands. Good luck with all that crime too!

You guys have a lower divorce rate because you don't even bother to get married in the first place.

Best regards,

Ex-yankee

[jester911]

Since it is so bad in this country, why not move to the
socialist country of your choice instead of trying make one here. Then you can be any color you want.

[Racerbvd]

Originally posted by MichiganMat
You can keep the "heartland", whatever that means.

We'll be taking all the major cities, thank you very much. Chicago, SF, LA, Seattle, Portland, Oakland, San Diego, NYC, Miami, Detroit, DC...

Good luck findiing work guys, though I hear the Army is hiring these days

You can have those hight crimes dumps, how are you taking jobs when the people who employ will move to the live and red states, I don't think all of you can be actors, and since we won't pay to see you losers, plus, who will you see when you get sick, as most doctors will come to Red states to avoid your socialist demands. Please, leave soon, we are still waiting for all those who said that they would leave if Bush won, well, he Won twice!!!

[75Carrera]

Blue state Blues...

A POPULAR DES MOINES BARBER SHOP HAD A NEW ROBOTIC BARBER INSTALLED.

A FELLOW CAME IN FOR A HAIRCUT. AS THE ROBOT BEGAN TO CUT HIS HAIR IT ASKED HIM, "WHAT'S YOUR IQ?" THE MAN REPLIED, "130." SO THE ROBOT PROCEEDED TO MAKE CONVERSATION ABOUT PHYSICS, ASTRONOMY, INVESTMENTS, INSURANCE, AND SO ON.

THE MAN LISTENED INTENTLY AND SAID, "THIS IS REALLY COOL."

LATER, ANOTHER GENT CAME IN FOR A HAIRCUT AND THE ROBOT ASKED HIM AS IT BEGAN THE HAIRCUT, "WHAT'S YOUR IQ?" THE MAN RESPONDED, "100."
SO THE ROBOT STARTED TALKING ABOUT FOOTBALL, BASEBALL, AND SO ON.

THE MAN THOUGHT TO HIMSELF, "WOW, THIS IS REALLY COOL."

LATER ON, A THIRD GUY CAME IN TO THE BARBER SHOP. AS WITH THE OTHERS, THE ROBOT BARBER ASKED HIM, "WHAT'S YOUR IQ?" THE MAN REPLIED, "70."

THE ROBOT PAUSED, THEN SAID, "SO, I UNDERSTAND YOU DEMOCRATS ARE REALLY EXCITED ABOUT HILLARY RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT.

[Steeve]

I've been pushing for Texas to secede for a long time. I fully support this thread. Let's rock!

But what will all of you do without oil, NASA, and our beautiful (surgically unaltered) ladies? I don't think there are enough hybrid vehicles to go around for the other 49...

[bryanthompson]

haha, that's funny donny

[928ram]

Bye guys, and thanks for solving that pesky old oil problem. Don't worry about those counties who won't go along, we'll just add them to the next nearest state; sorry new north mexico will be so small. Sorry about that pesky food thing, I'm sure there's enough tree bark to go around.

Such a sad thing these little short-sighted liberal jokes, take a good look at that map B.T. posted as in there lies the real truth about the "blue states". Good luck with that.

[widebody911]

Originally posted by Steeve
But what will all of you do without ... our beautiful (surgically unaltered) ladies?

We'll just make our sweaters out of synthetics rather than wool.

[Shaun @ Tru6]

but all the good BBQ is in red states! I mean going up to ME for the weekend and blowing $25 on 3 lobster dinners, corn on the cob and some budweiser's is great, but dry rub is an important part of my life too.