have you ever been friends with an ex?

nostatic · nostatic's Garage

Without going into too much detail, my life is complicated...but I'm wondering about something.

With all my previous girlfriends or wife #1, once we broke up, we never really talked again. I did connect back up with two of my college girlfriends, staying in touch with one on a fairly regular basis, and talking with the other one a couple of times. But in those cases there were a couple of years of non-communication. With wife #1, when she came and got her stuff out of the apt (we were living in different cities), I never talked with her again. To this day. That was back in '94.

So flash forward to today. I have to talk with my soon-to-be-ex-wife, as we are raising our son. We actually have pretty good conversations and get on pretty well, although for the first six months or so after I moved out it there would be good days and bad days. These days mostly good days. So here is some uncharted territory for me, but our son ties us together so we walk through it.

Situation 2 is a woman I dated right when I moved out. It was a seriously amazing relationship in a lot of ways. We first blew apart in March (her choice but mutual). We got back together but blew back apart, as things really hadn't changed on either side. But some aspects were so good that it was that blow apart, come back together, repeat cycle for a couple months until we finally "split." We remained as "friends" though, talking every day and still sharing things. It finally got to the point where she couldn't do it anymore though...it had to be all or nothing. So we moved to non-communication mode.

So...anyone out there good friends with an ex-lover? Or ex-wife? Not like talk once or twice a year but really close? Or is it just not possible.

speeder · speeder's Garage

Yes, very close w/ a significant former GF, but there was a period of years where we did not speak. It's not easy, but sometimes worth it if the friendship at the core of your relationship was strong enough. (Something to think about, I know).

My Mom and Dad are pretty good friends and definitely in each other's lives in spite of being divorced for 35 years and both remarried, (Dad is no longer remarried), it is their 4 children together that bonds them and makes them still feel related to each other. It was not this smooth in the beginning of course, but it definitely is do-able if there is not too much bitterness and acrimony involved.

I wish you the best w/ it, I know that you are a good Dad and it's a lot better for the son if you two get along. (You were talking about the ex-wife, right)?

YTNUKLR · YTNUKLR's Garage

Nostatic, don't know how much use this will be of to you as I'm only 18, but I had a girlfriend in high school for 2.5 years and we were really close. When we broke up, it was maybe a month before we talked, and then it was touch and go (this was in roughly May 05)...since, I've made a serious effort to talk with her, and it just ended up like your "good days and bad days" description. Her initial hostility when I saw her over Thxgiving cooled to a relaxed appreciation...yet I don't see much in the way of friendship for us...

Best of luck...

Scott

Oh Haha · 12-03-2005, 07:47 PM

There is a reason they are "ex".
I was fortunate in that my first wife and I had no kids. Once the house was sold and I paid her half of my pension, there was no reason to stay in touch. I can't imagine divorcing my current wife and trying to riase our son. Kudos to you that have to do this. It must be difficult some times.

Flatbutt1 · 12-03-2005, 07:47 PM

I've kept things simple in my life, my children's mother is the only ex I've put effort into. We're not close for the sake of each other but we get it done for the kids. If not for the kids I'd never see her again.
I do have an old college GF thats close but she was prior to marriage and divorce and the lover part was only a lark.

Evans, Marv · 12-03-2005, 07:55 PM

I have remained friends with an old girl friend for the past 35 years. She lives in another state, but we keep in touch a few times throughout the year and had lunch last year when she was here to visit. I have also remained friends with my ex wife, who I left 22 years ago. I went to her 60th birthday party earlier this year, that her husband (who I get along with really well) threw for her. Fun to see some of the old friends from that time. The relationships that I've left in my life, that were substantial, I've left with the understanding on both sides that I wasn't returning but that I wasn't leaving with hate in my heart and would be open to keeping in contact. It's all part of my personal history in life, which I don't want to bury.

Sonic dB · Sonic dB's Garage

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slodave · slodave's Garage

Stayed friendly with my ex-wife during her bout with cancer. We do not have children and we do not and will not speak to eachother now.

Dave

mikester · 12-03-2005, 09:22 PM

No.

cowtown · 12-03-2005, 09:23 PM

Nope.

Bill Douglas · 12-03-2005, 09:34 PM

How can I keep up regular contact with about 75 different women!

jfw834 · jfw834's Garage

Todd!! Sounds like you need some advice from the professor, Tom Leykis...

Leykis website....

but what you REALLY need to do is tune into 97.1FM from 4pm-8pm every weekday in LA......he will set you straight, promise.

tabs · 12-03-2005, 11:00 PM

I guess if you are friends before becoming Lovers then the friendship can endure.

Sonic dB · Sonic dB's Garage

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Joeaksa · 12-03-2005, 11:09 PM

Have been friends for a while with all of my ex's, and am in touch with one now for 30+ years. First wife was young, right out of college and we got married to make her parents happy. It lasted a year after we had been living together happily for 2.5 years. She kept coming over and spending the night for 6 months after she moved out (sex was excellent) until I put a stop to it and told her to find someone else as I wanted to move on. She started going out with Don, and they married later on.

Funny thing is that the woman in the "30+ year" comment above was Don's ex. We simply switched partners.

Wife #2 and I were in touch for a long time until she got together with another guy. He changed her outlook and got her to try to get money out of me (divorce was not finished) but fortunately her family and the court did not agree. Am still friends with her Mother, Brothers and so on and they cannot understand what is going on with her.

Guess the best way for me to describe it is that if I cannot be friends with a lady before a relationship then am not going to have one. It can be easier to be civil (if not friends) after you both move on.

Joe A

Seeeu911 · Seeeu911's Garage

no.

I did see a porn clip of a long long years ago girlfriend recntly... she was a hot little slut then too, married and banging me on the side. she was pissy when i did not hang around. Ha ! I read that one right

she is still a hot # too.

Hey If I email the clip to some one think they can find the whole movie ?

singpilot · 12-04-2005, 03:06 AM

I am still friends with the ones that are alive.

cool_chick · 12-04-2005, 04:37 AM

Yes.

I never understood how people could hate their ex's. I've always believed if you love someone, how can you turn around and hate them later? For me, the love just changes (if that makes sense...).

This is funny this post appears today, because just last night, I was hanging out with my ex, his girlfriend, her mother and two sisters (they all came downtown for holiday fun). His girlfriend is awesome. She's very sweet.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

KFC911 · 12-04-2005, 04:53 AM

My girlfriend (over 7 years now) and I were having a very diffucult time a couple of years into our relationship and this topic came up. From my perspective, 'just a friendship' after being so intimate wasn't going to happen based upon my experiences, and she couldn't understand why. Is this a 'female vs. male' perspective thing? With an ex-wife and kids involved, imo, that changes everything...no advice/experience there...

Flatbutt1 · 12-04-2005, 04:54 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by cool_chick
Yes.

I never understood how people could hate their ex's. I've always believed if you love someone, how can you turn around and hate them later? For me, the love just changes (if that makes sense...).

This is funny this post appears today, because just last night, I was hanging out with my ex, his girlfriend, her mother and two sisters (they all came downtown for holiday fun). His girlfriend is awesome. She's very sweet.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

ever had a spouse lie, cheat and steal from you all while you were loving them?