Is this thread going into a whole (not "hole") different direction, or what? :D

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was God. In the Beginning was God - and all else was darkness, and void, and without form. So God created the heavens and the earth. He created the sun, and the moon, and the stars, so that light might pierce the darkness. And the earth God divided between the land and the sea, and these He filled with many assorted creatures. And the dark, salty, slimy creatures that inhabited the murky depths of the oceans, God called sailors, and He dressed them accordingly.

And the flighty creatures of the air He called airmen. And these He clothed in uniforms which were ruffled and fowl.

And the lower creatures of the land, God called soldiers. And with a twinkle in His eye, and a sense of humor that only He could have, God gave them trousers too short, and covers too large, and pockets to warm their hands. And to adorn their uniforms, God gave them badges. And He gave them cords. And He gave them ribbons... and patches... and stars... and bells. He gave them emblems... and crests... and all sorts of shiny things that glittered... and devices that dangled. When you're God, you tend to get carried away in a big way.

And on the 7th day, as you know, God rested. And on the 8th day at 0730, God looked down upon the earth and was not happy.

GOD WAS NOT HAPPY!

So He thought about His labors, and in His infinite wisdom, God created a divine creature and this He called a Marine. And these Marines whom God created in His own image, were to be of the air, the land, and the sea. And these He gave many wonderful uniforms.

He gave them practical, fighting uniforms, so that they could wage war against the forces of Satan and evil.

He gave them service uniforms for their daily work and training, that they might be sharp and ready.

And He gave them evening and dress uniforms. Sharp, stylish, handsome things, so they might score with the ladies on Saturday night, and impress the hell outta everybody!

And at the end of the 8th day, God looked down upon the earth, and saw that it was good. But was God happy? No!

GOD WAS STILL NOT HAPPY!

Because in the course of His labors, He had forgotten one thing... He did not have a Marine uniform! But He thought about it, and thought about it, and finally satisfied Himself in knowing that, well, not everybody can be a Marine...

Randy

It was cut-and-pasted from a Marine joke website. I take no responsibility for it's spelling or grammar.


Q. "Why do the commodes in Marine barracks have the cut-out type seats?"
A. "So that if the seat falls while they're drinking, it won't smack them in the back of the head"

A Marine and a Sailor are walking down a country road when the Sailor spots a goat standing by the side of the road with it's horns caught between the rails of the fence. The Sailor looks at the Marine and says, "Man, I've always wanted to give that a try." He looks around, sees there's nobody nearby, then drops his pants and proceeds to sodomize the hapless goat. When he's done, he pulls his pants up, grins at the Marine, and says "Okay, your turn." --So the Marine sticks his head through the fence.

A Taliban Army Platoon was on patrol when the
commander noticed a lone Marine standing on a hilltop
above their location. The commander told two of his
soldiers to go take out the Marine, so they dropped
their packs and promptly ran as fast as they could
toward the Marine. Just before they got to the
top, the Marine ran over the other side of the hill.
The two soldiers followed.

For the next few moments there were bloody screams
and dust flying in the air. Then as quickly as it had
started, it stopped and the Marine appeared back on
the hilltop. He brushed off his cammies, straightened
his cover, crossed his arms and stood there looking
down at the Taliban soldiers.

The infuriated commander called for a squad to go
get the Marine. They promptly ran as fast as they
could toward him. Just before they got to the
top, the Marine ran over the other side of the hill.
The squad followed, and for the next few minutes there
were bloody screams and dust flying in the air. When
it stopped, the Marine again returned to the hilltop.
He brushed off his cammies, straightened his cover,
crossed his arms and stood there looking down at the
remaining Taliban soldiers.

The commander was really hot now. He ordered the
rest of his platoon to attack the Marine. Determined
that Taliban soldiers were far superior to one
lone Marine, they had blood in their eyes as they
ran up the hill. Just before they got to the top, the
Marine ran over the other side of the hill.
The blood-thirsty soldiers followed. For many
minutes there were horrific screams and clouds of dust
flying in the air. It continued and continued.

When it finally stopped, one lone soldier came
crawling back to the commander, all bloody and beat
about the head and shoulders. His uniform was
torn, cuts were all over his body. The commander
demanded a report. The lone soldier, trying to catch
his breath, replied in a forceful yet trembling
voice, "Sir, run... it was a trick. There are TWO
of them!!"

Randy

A Sailor and a Marine went into a restroom to use the urinals. Afterward the Sailor went to the sink to wash his hands while the Marine just walked out of the restroom.
The Sailor caught up with the Marine and said proudly "In the Navy they teach you to wash your hands after going to the bathroom?"
To which the Marine says, "In the Marines they teach you not to piss on your hands?"

Randy

Zoanas, I think I found your source... :)

The fifth grade teacher tells her class we are going to learn something about SEX.
So, she instructs everyone to go home and learn something about sex and come back tomorrow and be prepared to discuss it with the class.
The next day, the teacher asks, “Who has learned something about sex?”
No one says anything, except Little Johnny in the back of the room has his hand up.
The teacher looks around and calls on Mary.
Mary says, “Well my parents thought I was asleep and they left there bedroom door open, and I saw my Daddy on top of my Mommy and she was yelling, Oh my God, Larry I am cuming!”
The teacher says, “That’s very good Mary, you learned something about sex, you get an ‘A’ for class participation.”
The teacher looks around and calls on Suzie next.
Suzie says, “My parents went out last night and they left me with my older sister. She had her boyfriend Jack come over. I snuck down stairs and hid and watched them. Jack pulled up my sister’s skirt and ripped her panties off with his teeth.”
The teacher says, “That’s very good Suzie, you learned something about sex, and you also get an ‘A’ for class participation.”
So the teacher looks around and Johnny is busting a gut to tell his story, so finally the teacher says, “Ok Johnny, tell us what you learned about sex.”
Johnny says, “Well teach it’s like this. I went home last night and turned on Fox News TV Channel, and there was story about a Marine in Afghanistan. There were Taliban to the North of him, Taliban to the south of him, Al Qaida to the east of him, and Al Qaida to the west of him, he was completely surrounded. This lone Marine quickly dug himself in, and with his M-16 and Desert Eagle 50 he shoots them all dead!”
The teacher looks amazed and says, “That’s very interesting, but what does that have to do with SEX?”
Johnny replies, “Just goes to show teach, don’t fuch with the Marines.”

Randy

Isn't google a wonderful thing.

In all seriousness, I've nothing at all against Marines, or any other soldier or airman. My grandfather was an original 501st Airborne, which became, along with the 506th, the 101st Airborne .He jumped into Normandy, and Holland, and was surrounded at Bastogne. He later raided Hitler's Eagle's Nest. Rest assured, anyone who serves has my unwavering salute, regardless of uniform.

Ooooh-RAH!

http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1139105226.jpg

Semper fi!

Randy