Are "gentlemen" dead? (Modern dating question)

[djmcmath]

My Daddy, somewhere in my upbringing, pounded into my head that "Gentlemen Respect Ladies." (Yes, he really did pronounce the capitals -- I remember it quite clearly.) Gentlemen get doors for ladies, they pick up the tab at dinner, they send flowers and chocolates, all that sort of thing. My upbringing was very clear on these few points (vague on many others, of course, but really sharp on this bit).

But just now, I was talking with one of my friends who is a girl. She's met a man that she intends to marry, and one of the critical points that pushed her over the edge was the flowers, door-getting, dinner-paying, etc. I expressed surprise that such routine items would have such weight with her, and she countered that such routine items are not at all routine -- no-one else has ever bought her flowers (she's nearly 30, and dated extensively before settling on this last fellow). I continued to express shock and surprise, so she polled 4 of her girlfriends, who affirmed her account -- guys don't do these things anymore.

Did I miss a memo or something? When did the rest of you stop doing these things? Should I cut it out already, so that men are uniformly ungentlemanly?

[nostatic]

think of it as a competitive advantage...keep doing it.

works for me...

[Flatbutt1]

I stopped when we ran out of Ladies. Now that we're all equals thanks to the ERA and NOW, I don't have to do any of that stuff anymore. I let her pay for dinner and then I put out for her. It's all good.

[Oh Haha]

I still open doors for my wife. We may not always agree but this little show of respect always lets her know that I love her. I intend to keep doing this until I can't open them anymore. She doesn't like getting flowers because they just die so I am off the hook there. I always pay for dinner but it's our money so I guess that doesn't count.

[legion]

Very few Ladies left around. A Lady appreciates a gentleman and appreciates being appreciated. Most of the women I've encountered are whores who expect to be pampered and have their every whim anticipated. Then they can verbally abuse and manipulate their men as reward.

Thank God I married a Lady.

[Tobra]

Just because you were raised right, it makes you wonder if you are the strange one?

The entire time between my 1st and 2nd marriages, I did a bit of research, field research. I can report that in my sample of 8 women I seriously dated in the 10 years between marriages that I was:

1. The only guy any of these women dated who did not cheat on them.
2. The only guy any of these women dated who acted like a gentleman, opening doors and what not.
3. For 7 of the 8, the only guy any of these women dated who did not strike them in anger.

I could go on, but it is merely evidence of the decay of American Society. You see other evidence of this, the way children act towards adults, the way people in "service industry" treat customers, people talking on cell phones in movies, restaurants and heavy traffic, there are lots of examples. It does not make you or I better than anyone else who does not know how to act, but it is a huge advantage. My ex-wife's father still likes me better than her, and we have been divorced 20 years(She took after her mother, too bad for him)

[yellowline]

Originally posted by djmcmath
Gentlemen get doors for ladies, they pick up the tab at dinner, they send flowers and chocolates, all that sort of thing.

Yes, yes, yes. It never did much for me, but if I find the right girl, I wouldn't stop. This ties into what Legion said, she has to earn it. Have had a number of girl friends, but few girlfriends. That's what not usually being assertive in a big crowd does for you. Doesn't help that my peers are at the clubbing stage. Random hookups just aren't my thing and never will be. Part of aspiring to be a gentleman is knowing who you are and not trying to appear otherwise.

With my car not having power locks, I also usually unlock her door before my own. I also express a preference to drive, even if it's her car.

The strangest thing I hear from some girls is that "all the good guys" (handsome, nice, the kind of guy they'd want, etc) are homosexual. I'd never choose that orientation, nor is it mine, but I can only wonder why that might have truth in it.

[Tervuren]

Originally posted by yellowline
Y

The strangest thing I hear from some girls is that "all the good guys" (handsome, nice, the kind of guy they'd want, etc) are homosexual. I'd never choose that orientation, nor is it mine, but I can only wonder why that might have truth in it.

I'm wondering if they think they are, or whether they real are. I've been asked on more then one occaision if I am, I'm not. I just want to keep myself apart until I zone in on what I want. People are shocked when they learn I drive the speed limit, yet they know I drive a Porsche, and love to race. I know that if I once cross that line of not respecting the speed limit, I'm gonna go all the way about it. It would ruin/kill me. I have a passion for driving fast and racing that runs about as deep as a guy wants a girl. I can get lonely for a race or racing experience. No kidding.

There are many true ladies out there, I have met a lot. Society has decayed ever since it first came about, sometimes something massive causes it to instaneously jump up, but as soon as it happens, people immediately start eroding it again. Just be different, if you know a way of acting is right, don't change just to "fit".

[yellowline]

I don't think it's completely true. My point, which probably wasn't well conveyed, was that ignorant and/or b!tchy women probably drove a bunch to swing that way. It was in a half-joking way.

[SpeedracerIndy]

I always do those things for most girls. I'm so used to doing it, it's just a habit now. I think I picked it up from my father as well. That being said, I went on a date not too long ago with a girl who pushed the check toward me at the end of the meal insisting I pay. I would have paid for it anyway, but I didn't go on any more dates with her. The girl I'm dating now fights me for the check everywhere we go. She also appreciates all the door opening, flowers, etc, but doesn't expect any of it. I'm 28 now, and most of the people I surround myself with are still respectfull of women the same way I would consider myself to be. I don't think it's completely dead.

[lendaddy]

Just as dead as the women who deserve such treatment.

[craigster59]

I don't understand what you "wimpy a$$es" are talking about. I come from the school of "Treat 'em like ***** and make 'em like it". It's easy, all you have to do is....whoops gotta go, Wifes calling me. Time to wash the dishes.

[Joeaksa]

Agree with Tobra and have found the same things. Been divorced for 5 years and dating sucks. The ladies seem to be few and far in-between much of the time.

As well might add to the list:

1. A gentleman takes his hat off in any building (just love all those idiots who wear a frigging baseball cap from the time they wake up until going to bed) or when the pledge of allegiance is being played.

2. Helps a lady with their chair at a restaurant

3. Do not try to get them into bed on the first date.

In fact my Mother taught me to not even to try to kiss a lady on the first date. Then wait a few days and call. The girls are usually "cocked and locked" to have to fend themselves off from the guys who want sex on date #1. If you do not even try to kiss them but call back they start wondering about you. By the second date, a hug and kiss on the cheek is fine. As Mom said, by the third date she will wonder what is wrong with you and if she likes you it will be a very nice ending to the evening.

I really hope I can somewhat understand girls before I die...

Joe

[ZOA NOM]

[bell]

to this day that is the funniest picture ever

[widebody911]

Originally posted by lendaddy
Just as dead as the women who deserve such treatment.

Amen.

I too was "raised like that" but that today information is about as helpful as Grampa's tips on rebuilding wagon wheels and taking care of the tack.

Sorry guys, I've found that the 'gentleman' route is the A-ticket ride to the "I just want to be friends" speech. Maybe if I were dating women in their 50's and 60's like some of you, it would be different.

[livi]

The Gentleman's code of honor is all but obsolete. Comes with womens lib. They strive to be equal. The Gentlemen behavior, to some extent, implies women being inferior. They couldnīt take that nowadays. They want to be seen ever as strong, independent and self sustaining as men.

Of course, the romantic gesture of an unsuspected flower gift always tend to get me laid..

[svandamme]

besides, the fact is , women say they want a true gentleman, but when they have one around, they'll run away with some smoothtalking schwein who treats them like ***** whenever he has a chance...

[kqw]

It takes a lady to recognize a gentleman and a gentleman to recognize a lady.... not often are the two introduced.

[masraum]

Originally posted by svandamme
besides, the fact is , women say they want a true gentleman, but when they have one around, they'll run away with some smoothtalking schwein who treats them like ***** whenever he has a chance...

yep