Anyone's marriage survived separation?
 

No, or at least, not mine.

What did survive was the both of us, her going her way, me going mine.
Better than her in the ground and me in jail, I'd say. :)

Ed

I suggest letting her choose the marriage counselor, but you should request that the counselor be a PhD Psychologist with experience in marraige counseling. Your wife can do an "initial interview" with the therapist over the phone, to make sure she is comfortable with that person. Even so, your wife can expect to try two or three therapists before finding one she is happy with.

Of course, if she is happy with the therapy sessions, that usually means the therapist is asking *you* to do most of the work to save your marraige. It may not be easy to accept that, but if you agree to make the effort, then the sessions can move on to other issues, some of which may require concessions by your wife. It is a two-way street, but someone has to relent and make the first overture.

I think you have a very good chance of saving your marriage. It all depends on whether she loves you. I think she loves you very much. Right now, she is angry and hurt and afraid, and that is clouding her heart. Her true feelings will become clear in therapy. She will cry and fight if she loves you, and wants to save the marriage and be with you. If she doesn't cry and fight, then she doesn't care. Be prepared for lots of crying, and don't get angry if she cries a lot. Crying is a very good thing, it shows she cares.

:)

Hire a good P.I. You'll learn pretty quickly whether or not she has a lover. If she does, this may change your thinking about wanting to stay together and improve your standing in divorce court. If she doesn't? You're only out the money paid the P.I., and you've learned something. IMHO, P.I. money may be better spent than counselor money. Knowing what's going on is pretty damned important. If the lover is female? Well, at least you can say no other man took her away...:rolleyes:

Lots of finality in that one. Not a good sign, I'm afraid. Sorry.
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Maybe a basic power struggle between two controlling (uncompromising) people? - that's fairly common.
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You intimate that you know what it is that "...she has not been happy about."
What's the deal w/that?.
Unconsciousness get in the way and you just didn't "hear" it? Again, common.
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You're going to a counselor - that's good.
She's in therapy for "other issues...".
She's trying to get her anger under control.
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As others have said, she may have plans w/someone else. Who knows? Do you?
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BTW, separations can have miraculous results, but infrequently.
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Tough deal. Good luck.

Every one here is dancing around the 2000 lb elephant in the room.

Is she having an affair?

She has been secretly working towards leaving. She is angry you found out and getting angrier. This describes my situation with wife #1. Ex#1 was having an affair. Except I didn't find out she was leaving until I walked into our place and thought we had been robbed.

Wife #2 and I were under terrible stress, UNTIL we decided to split up. Once we made the decision, it took about 3 weeks. During that time, everything was better including sex. Even after she moved out. Then she met someone, and the anger started.

Find out.

1. are you hearing footsteps? Someone else in the mix.
2. The friend (hers) is not helping at all. The friend wants company and someone to go play with.
3. Could there be some post partem in the mix here?
4. Give her all the space she needs.
5. Rent same as anyone else. May end up as ex-wife.

I can really feel your pain. I have had an on and off relationship for many years. We also have children. I am so deeply depressed and sad myself that I really can´t offer any worthwhile support or advice.

Something in your post made me wonder though. You certain she is not seeing someone else ? Not to awake any paranoia, but still.

I've been married 14 years, 3 kids, and couldn't have a better family, wife and kids, so my viewpoint might be a bit different....but....If someone decides they need to move away from you to decide on whether they are happy in a marriage, how can that ever be good? Do things improve until you get back together and then you either ignore or forget the very same issues. I can picture perhaps a significant mistake or poor decision playing a part, but in your case, you were completely blindsided. Blame your wife for poor communication. It is not up to you to read her mind. Hopefully, she will understand this without you. Best of luck.

I agree...the friend is jumping out of the window with her. They'll stick together and support each other through the break-up. If you feel you've been angry then seek counseling to deal with that problem for yourself. Good luck.