I always felt that if your marriage fell apart, money would be the least of your problems. Maybe that's just me though. We don't have all that much now, and no, I didn't have that much when we met. I still stick by what I said, it's just money. There's no amount you could offer me to get rid of what I have now, even though I don't have the greatest physical possessions. I still say that if your wife leaving you and taking your things is of great concern, there's other problems there.

Rodeo, the significance of marriage is it's marriage. Marriage isn't the ceremony or the state license, it's a public statement in front of your family, friends, and God that you will spend the rest of your life together. The entire process is a pain in the ass, further reinforcing that you have to really want to in order to do it. Regardless of what you say about your relationship, you could simply walk away from it and be done, no hassles. That's the easy way out, you're never really tied to that person. I'm not trying to discount what you have, but marriage is the deepest, most meaningful promise you can make to a person. And as for the 50% that fail, most of them have other issues, and probably should have seen it coming. Not all, but many.

Matt, if you have not too much now and she leaves you and takes half (minimum), you'll be soooo screwed. Yes, money will be a HUGE problem for you. If you have a lot of money and lose half, you'll get by. The emotional trainwreck is a guarantee, pre-nup or no pre-nup. So you might as well protect whatever assets you can.

Listen, I understand that marriage is the traditional way of expressing one's love and commitment. And if you need that kind of tradition (which I am not discounting because I believe in the significance of ritual), nothing will ever substitute. Then go to the government and get your license and have your ceremony. Because there is no alternative to tradition if you are unwilling to change tradition.

I'm not traditional in that sense, so it doesn't bother me. I'm committed to my family. I know it, my friends and family know it, the community I live in knows it. That's good enough for me.

First, I disagree with the "no hassles" part. It would be an unbelievable heartache, not just for me, but for the kids, our families, and our friends. That part would be identical, married or not married.

Secondly, I can tell that neither you nor anyone you have been married to has decided they wanted out. If you live in a no fault state (all except New York I think), when you want out, you get out. Period.

You will have the same heartache getting out that you would have if not married, but add the hassle of first finding then hiring expensive lawyers, going back and forth to court more times than you can count, putting your fate in the hands of a judge that may or may not be wise, kind or judicious, one that may or may not have 15 minutes to give your case after you have been waiting for several hours.

Sorry, I can make my own commitment without a marriage ceremony, and I can make my own decisions in the event of a split. I don't want to put my fate in the hands of lawyers and judges, and that’s what the state license does.

Rick,

Three friends of mine have married Russian/Ukranian ladies. Most are happy but one had a rough time of it with wife 1 and number 2 worked out.

Sounds like you found a good one but be careful. A trust or private company where you list all your assets in its name and not yours might be the ticket.

JOe A

Maybe I'm being too flippant about it, but my opinion is it's just money. You can always make more money, buy more stuff, but what do you do when your life basically falls apart around you? I just feel like in that situation, getting half would be fine because it would all go to my fine friends at the Boulevard Brewery anyway. I don't know, it just seems like too much concern over the material stuff. Regardless, to each their own, and I hope everything works out great for you guys.

umm..i'm over here in arkansas, fellas...what's an 'so'..? :)
ryan

you know what? it hit me what it means right when i clicked..all better now. i feel significantly better..
ryan

Rick,

Another thought. Are the two of you living together now? If so it depends on the laws in VA but some states are as short as one year on a "common law marriage" and it might be too late.

I know of a couple of cases where a friend of mine was simply living together with a lady and found out too late that they were legally married in the eyes of the law, so the states divorce law concerning your property might apply.

Worth looking into...

A pre-nup is the smartest and cheapest form of security a man can do as far as his future is concerned (what future if she turns out to be a ***** from hell that hates your love of Porsches and uses that as another reason to screw up your future???? :)))

And NO, I haven't had to deal with that yet, (fortunately)

Joe, we don't live together yet, just on weekends. I'm not worried about the common law thing kicking it and would check into it before asking her to move in.