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Happy St. Patrick's Day
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A cop pulls up Barty and Joey-Jim, both the worse for drink, and says to the first,
"What's your name and address?" "I'm Barty O'Day, of no fixed address." The cop turns to the second drunk, and asks the same question. "I'm Joey-Jim O'Flaherty, and I live in the flat above Barty." |
Taking a wee break from the golf course, Tiger Woods drives his new Mercedes into an Irish gas station. An attendant greets him in typical Irish manner,
unaware who the golf pro is... "Top o' the mornin to ya." As Tiger gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket. "So what are those things, laddie?" asks the attendant. "They're called tees," replied Tiger. "And what would ya be usin 'em for, now?" inquired the Irishman. "Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," replies Tiger "Aw, Jesus, Mary an' Joseph!" exclaimed the Irish attendant. "Those fellas at Mercedes think of everything!" Happy St. Patrick's Day! |
Your should rename this the bad joke thread. :D
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you no like-y my joke-y? :eek: :p
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What's green, Irish and stays out all night??
Paddy O'Furniture!! Happy Saint Patricks Day! |
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Nothing but love for the OT group. :D
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Three Irish lads are planning to go to London from Dublin. A friend of theirs who just came back from London tells them that they must go to a Bass Pub because a Bass pub is where they can get the best pint in London.
They get to London and go to the first pub they see and ask if it is a Bass pub. The barkeep says” Sorry, lads, this is a Young’s pub”. They walk down the road to the next pub, go in and ask “Is this a Bass pub”. The barkeep says “yes it is” The lads say, “We’ll have three Guinness please.” in memory of Dave Allen http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/tv_and_radio/4340115.stm |
Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland."
The other guys responds proudly, "Yes, that I am." The first guy says, "So am I. And where about from Ireland might you be?" The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am." The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I. And what street did you live on in Dublin?" The other guys says, " A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town." The first guy says, "Faith and it's a small world, so did I! And to what school would you have been going?" The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course." The first guy gets really excited and say! s, :And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?" The other guy answers, "Well now, let's see, I graduated in 1964." The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 too." About this time a woman walks in to the bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender walks over to her shaking his head and muttering, "It's going to be a long night tonight." The woman asks, "Why do you say that?" The bartender replies, "The Murphy twins are drunk again." |
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf." ************************************************** ** An Irish drunk staggers into a Catholic Church in Dublin, enters a confessional booth, sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either." ************************************************** ** An Irishman, obviously new to America, wanders into the local bar one Tuesday evening. He takes a stool at the end of the bar and orders two pints of Guinness. As he sits there quietly sipping alternately from each, the other patrons can't help but notice this odd behavior. When he finishes after several rounds like this, he gets up and says a polite "good night" and leaves. This goes on every Tuesday for some time until the bartender finally asks him what is going on. "Oh, simple" he says. "When I came to New York, I left me dear brother behind in Dublin. We used to spend every Tuesday at the pub, lifting a pint. So, when we parted company, we agreed to do so until we meet again. The one is mine; the other is 'his'. We do this in each other's honor." Well, everyone in the bar thought that was rather touching. Eventually, he became a fixture at the bar; showing up every Tuesday for years. Then one Tuesday he only ordered one pint. He seemed rather glum, and no one quite knew what to say. Finally, the bartender worked up the nerve to say something. "I see you only ordered one pint tonight. I just don't know what to say - we are all just stunned. The only thing I can say, for all of us, is that we are sorry. You must miss your brother terribly..." "Ah yes, I do miss 'im terribly. I only wish he could be with me here today." "Well, if there is anything we can do for you, to ease your loss...." "Loss? Whatever are you speaking of?" "Your brother. We see you only ordered the one pint..." "Oh sweet Mary; I see your confusion. Please don't worry 'bout me dear brother; 'e is alive and well. It's just that I've quit drinkin'." |
What do you call two gay Irishmen?
Michael Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael. I'm here 'til Thursday. |
Yes, Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone!!
http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1142630743.jpg SmileWavy -Chris |
Is she under arrest for oval areolas?
:eek: |
On an auspicious occasion the descendants of the Coors, Busch, and Guinness family met at a brewers convention and afterward met at a bar.
Mr. Coors steps up to the bar and orders a Coors light. Mr. Busch steps up to the bar and orders a Bud light. Mr. Guinness steps up to the bar and orders a diet coke. Noticing the astonishment of the folks at the bar Mr. Guinness replied. Well they didn't order real beer so neither did I! |
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