Oil Change Women -vs- Men

[ErVikingo]

I got this on an email today and its pretty funny....


Oil Change instructions for Women:
>
>1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since
>the last oil change.
>2) Drink a cup of coffee.
>3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
>maintained vehicle.
>
>Money spent:
>Oil Change $25.00
>Coffee $1.00
>Total $26.00
>
>================================================== =======
>
>Oil Change instructions for Men:
>
>1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of
>oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a
>check for $50.00.
>2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20,
>drive home.
>3) Open a beer and drink it.
>4) Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
>5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
>6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. Jack up car.
>7) Place drain pan under engine.
>8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
>9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
>10) Unscrew drain plug.
>11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in
>process. Cuss.
>12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
>Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
>13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
>14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
>15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through the
>oil filter and twist off.
>16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
>everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in
>trash
>can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
>17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish
>oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
>18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change."
>Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in
>hole in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.
>19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
>20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
>21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
>22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil
>to gasket surface.
>23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
>24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
>25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
>26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,
>along with drain plug.
>27) Drink beer.
>28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily
>dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily
>patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in
>lawnmower gas.
>29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
>Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
>30) Drink beer.
>31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with
>oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
>tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
>32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
>33) Begin cussing fit.
>34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
>35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling
>trophy.
>36) Beer.
>37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop
>blood flow.
>38) Beer.
>39) Beer.
>40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
>41) Beer.
>42) Lower car from jack stands.
>43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
>44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
>during steps 23 - 43.
>45) Beer.
>46) Test drive car.
>47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
>48) Car gets impounded.
>49) Call loving wife, make bail.
>50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
>
>Money spent:
>
>Parts $50.00
>DUI $2500.00
>Impound fee $75.00
>Bail $1500.00
>Beer $40.00
>Total $4,165.00
>
>But you know the job was done right!

[M.D. Holloway]

EPA fine for illegal dumping: $10,000