Screwed up again - open mouth, insert foot
 

In Chicago on a company team building outing tonight. Bowling. Ninety extremely competitive sales people getting drunk, eating pizza, talking smack.

Someone takes a poll on who's gone bowling lately. When they get to me, I say "I haven't bowled since I cut-off my mullet back in the '80s". Dead silence. Turns out, the manager who set this up REALLY likes bowling AND is from the South. He did not like my redneck joke.

Boy, I wish I could do that one over.

Mullets were in every state. Its in the south were people STILL have them.

...on men anyway. Seems they've never gone out of style in the lesbian crowd, and can be found all over the NW.

I did one last weekend. The chick that lives across the street had the bulk of her house painted a couple months ago, and they came out last week and installed new gutters and finished the painting.

She was out watering her lawn and I said "Looks nice now that it's all trimmed and neat..."

Was she wearing pants???

That's how I like it as well. "All trimmed and neat..." mmmm good.

Re: Screwed up again - open mouth, insert foot
 

HAHAHA! Now that's funny!

They probably take you too seriously overall, that's why they got weird. If the class clown said it, y'all would be laughing hard.

I'm the same way, (when I'm serious, I'm SERIOUS) I try to be funny sometimes, everybody either gets upset, weird or scared. Small children start to cry..

It's a hinderance a lot of times being misunderstood.


rjp

Shoot, comments like that are what start up those "you never guess what happened to me!" nights that you tell your friends about.

If she's hot, maybe she'll start digging you now..

rjp

Re: Re: Screwed up again - open mouth, insert foot
 

That has to be the reason. I'm not exactly Robin Williams.

Please tell us that she's a looker and not some old bat.

Man...I'm always cracking smart@$$ jokes at work.

Example: In a unit meeting, my boss asked us what the three components of retirement savings were.

"Pension" one person said.

"401k" another said.

"Embezzlement" I said.

Re: Re: Re: Screwed up again - open mouth, insert foot
 

Yeah, well, you're no Billy Ray Cyrus, either!







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The real question is didga win?

Good thing I wasn't there cause I think what you said was funny and I would've laughed.

Then there were two....... :eek:

I might be able to top that one. We are always getting e-mails about getting medical records signed, they tell us we are "delinquent". Problem is that the medical records department is so slow getting the stupid records to us that they are already "delinquent" by the time they are available to sign.

Anyhow, a few months back another e-mail came down from the Chief of Staff saying that we were all delinquent in our records again. This started a new e-mail within our clinic where everyone was basically b!tching about the issue. I, of course, chimed in with some comment about how if the Chief of Staff really wanted to fix the issue he would fix medical records, but I'm sure it was much easier to just send out an e-mail every few weeks.

Little did I know someone had CC'd the e-mail string to the Chief of Staff right before I replied.

DOH!

Years ago, I was in a project status meeting, and right after giving my update, my boss made the comment "Cool, sounds like you're down to the short strokes..."

I didn't do this one, it was an external from India.

I was in a project status meeting, and this gentleman was asked to provide status on his task. He said: "We are now at the fag's end."

The room went silent.

Legion,
You can't be serious. Don't youse guys know what a fag is in the colonies?;)

Last weekend, at our AX season opener, a dealer brought a bunch of Caymans and we had a "Cayman Challenge" at the end of the day - 20 of use donated $$ to charity to be part of the challenge.

So a driver gets in the car and starts rev-rev-revving the engine. I (not so quietly) stated, "Ok, we can tell you've found the gas pedal."

I never realized that when I have my helmet on my head, I talk a but louder than normal -- ya should've seen the look on the driver's face, which was promptly followed by "I'm gonna run you over." :eek:

Smooth move, exlax...

-Z.

You're from CA, Chris, you're supposed to be an *******.

i got you all beat;

i went on a trip with a girl i was dating. she was acting dumb, so i called her a retard. this was when we were exiting the plane at the terminal. she said something witty like,"i am not a retard". so i took it to the next level. i started walking wierd and doing that stupid move where you scrunch your hand up and bang it on on your chest....well just when i was laughing to myself, i looked up. right in front of me was about 10 disabled kids, with their group leaders starting at me. the leaders looked like they were killing me in their imaginations. my girl took a hard right and pretended to have nothing to do with me. i was not very popular at the airport. NEVER AGAIN! what a total ass.

This seems to be a pattern of behavior, eh?SmileWavy

My God, I hang out with Joe Dirt and Forrest Gump. Beautiful.

Cliff, we're getting twin beds in Willows this time, dude.

Does Chris know about your "new" Camaro?





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You have no idea how much pressure there is to be a constant ****** :D

A Director (not a movie director but a museum director) and a couple of ladies from marketing come over to my area while I'm on break and they are frantic... Scott, can you get this kiosk to work for us?
Um... sure... I walk over to their area, plug in the kiosk, open it up. push the start button on the two computers and away we go. As I'm locking up the kiosk the director quips "ha, ha, we can't sell exhibits that don't work".
Without thinking I said "why not, we buy exhibits that don't work".
:p

LOL!

Last month I was still in bed when I got a call from my partner telling me a customer was threatening to dump us because we couldn't deliver on our promises for some equipment. (The vender had promised delivery months ago and hadn't delivered.)

My partner tells me to get on the phone with the vender and tell them our balls were in the vice, his (the vendor's) would be next and if we didn't get some units he'd never work in this biz again, yada, yada.

I get out of bed and read the email from the customer and fired off this email to the vendor:

And I sent if off. Shortly after that I get a call from the customer and we have a good talk. I told him we were leaning on the vendor, etc.

Afterwards I'm wondering why the vendor hasn't gotten back to me and notice that I sent the threatening email to the customer instead of the vendor by accident....

-Chris

Ok, I was trying NOT to add this but after reading all of these instances I just HAVE to add myself to the "at work" jerk!!! This lady just gave birth and they took up a collection for her due to complications. Which is ok. So they sent around an email of her NOT having the time to cook for her other kids and how her husband and medical issues due to her birth. So I donated. Well after a few weeks went by I got ANOTHER e-mail about her and her husband getting a babysitter to be able to go out to dinner on all of OUR contributions. Anyways, to make a long story short, it didn't sit well with me so I decided to forward the emails and make a comment to my wife VIA email. So I went on to talk trash about her husband and felt scammed by having to give money for them not making ends meet, when it turned out it payed for a babysitter and their dinner out, blah, blah, blah, but I didn't notice that it was also sent to the person that was collecting money, my supervisor, and a TON of other people. NEEDLESS to say I felt like an a$$ even though I shouldn't have. As soon as I realized what happened, a reply from someone, I sent around an apology for for not being professional and gave extra donations cause it was a new job.

Bill, I do believe your faux pas topped mine. Good recovery though.

When I was 19, I worked at a retail store selling shoes.

A very attractive young lady came in wearing some hospital patient uniform, and a wristband. She was buying clothes and had a voucher to pay for everything.

Noticing my puzzled look, she reported that she was just released from the hospital, and need clothes to get back on her feet.

So I say:

"Oh thank goodness that's all it is. For a second there, I thought you just got out of a mental institution or something!"


Her: (blushing) "Actually, I did just get out of a mental institution. I tried to kill myself".

With that, she hurriedly grabbed her stuff, and quickly turned to beat a hasty retreat, only to forget her keys, and having to walk back to the counter to get them.

I'll never forget the look on her face, and I'm sure you can imagine the look on mine. I wanted to shrink to the size of an ant, and hide under a rock somewhere.

I have you all beat. Just last week, I pulled off a trifecta and offended the mentally challenged, homosexuals, and Saturn drivers all with one horrific comment. It was a train wreck. I will say no more.

Before my wife and I were married I left a message on her work answering machine. It was the old fashion kind that lets all hear the message. I knew this so when I left teh mesage so I was very casual and told her I would talk to her later. that was that.

I was away on business riding with a friend. I left the message from his cell phone - hands free. I thought I hung-up. I didn't. He heard her voice on the machine and commented that she had a very sweet sounding voice. I agreed and made the comment that her voice was great for phone sex. He was a good friend and so what the heck. He was curious and asked some questions on what to say. He always wanted to have phone sex with his wife but never had the ballz to fins out how to have hot phone sex. Anyway, I went into a "teaching" session on what we do and what she does and says and so forth. Pretty graphic and very hot. After a few minutes I looked down at the phone. "Did I hang-up?" Oh *****!!!

The message was left with all the grapihic details of Penthouse Forum. To make matters worse, her staff (maintenance men, painters, maids and leasing agents) were having a meeting in her office - she was offsite. Her staff heard it all.

Needless to say, I didn't see any luv'n for a week and no phone sex while on the road for a few months...