violence or not, I had to choose
 

I was sitting in a local sandwich shop with a couple of my friends last Thursday after work enjoying a beer.

We were talking about all sorts of things, the subject of cars came up as usual.
It drifted to drag racing ,one guy said he was amazed that top fuel engines were making 7000 hp.
I said that nitromethane was magic stuff, I played with in in my drag boat about 20 years ago. He asked if I was making 7000 hp, I said no way. I only got up to 40% nitro and 60% methanol before I grenaded the engine (a supercharged chrysler hemi with all sorts of non stock items). After i put it back together I changed it back to racing gas. He asked how much power I was making, I said I didn't know but it might have been as much as 2000.

A black guy was was sitting at the next table must have been listening, he looked over and said I was full of *****.
I said it was none of his business but I have pictures and reciepts to prove it, and several of the people who hang around here remember the boat and can back up the story.
He jumped all over it and started calling me a ****** cracker and everything else. He said "that's why I hate ****** crackers, you're all full of *****".
Now he was probably in his late 20's, I had never seen him before, but he was acting like he was either drunk or on something.
I hate being called a liar. I looked him down and thoughts of kicking his butt filled my head.
I'm 45 but in my younger years I was a relatively violent person. Back then I would have not even thought, I would have reacted without hesitation and attacked him with every ounce of fury I had.
I knew I could take him but for the first time in my life when faced with that situation I hesitated. There was no fear of getting hurt physically so that wasn't what held me back. Maybe it was the risk of getting in trouble with the law, maybe it was my religious beliefs I didn't have when I was younger, maybe both. I'm not sure.
He kept going on with the insults, threats, and profanity.
My buddies kept saying "don't do it man, he aint worth it. Just ignore him".
I just sat there staring at him and arguing with myself, should I bust him up or not?
He deserved it but I didn't do it.
After another minute or so of his mouthing off he got up and left. I almost followed him out but didn't. I just stared at him the whole time with fire in my eyes.

Later I thought about it and was glad that I didn't do something stupid and risk hurting my wife and kids, obviously I had more to lose that this guy did.
But....... I can't get the feeling of rage to go away. For the first time in a very long time, I feel real hate towards a human being. I really want to hurt him badly, so much I start shaking when I think about it.
No matter how I try and justify my actions I still have a feeling of cowardice. Maybe that's why I am so angry. I even had evil thoughts of racism a couple of times which is not normal for me at all. I keep thinking about going out to find that SOB and teach him to keep his mouth shut.

I know I did the right thing but I gotta get this hate out of my head. I'm going to talk to my pastor tomorrow at church about it, hopefully he will be able to help me find peace.

Anyone else ever faced with that situation? How did you handle it?

You are a stronger man than me.

Kudos for doing the right thing (imho). I've been in similar situations. Handled it exactly the same. I've never once in my life hit another person in anger. Life is too short. I've come to realize that people can say something, but what's behind it is totally different. He was yelling at your, but it likely was about his g/f or his dad or whatever else. So just let it roll of your back. It isn't about you.

That being said I almost curbed the b*tch who kept screaming nonstop behind me at the Steely Dan concert. My g/f actually stepped between us. but I was a good boy...

Words are words. If he threatened you directly, that is different.

Yes, he did threaten me several times. He said he was gonna kick my cracker @ss, I said something like "bring it on you piece of *****." There was no doubt what would have happened if he tried but he didn't.
I was just starting on my second beer so alcohol had nothing to do with my actions.

Ahh yess, but 25 years ago an A-hole would have took a beating and walked away knowing he deserved it.

Today? He would have had a lwyer 10 minutes after the beating and he would have owned your house and cars.

You do know that in some gang initiations they randomly pick a fight with someone.

like red said, words are words. Those aren't threats, they are words from a scared, angry person. Odds are if you don't act, they stay just words. If you call him on them, he has no choice but to escalate. He's f*d up and looking for something. You didn't give it to him. I say again, kudos...

Sometimes, doing the right thing leaves your guts in an uproar. But it's still the right thing.

In this case, no question...I'll echo the kudos. I am trying to instill what you did in the face of an aggressor in my son. Don't start the fight.

But be ready. Kudos, again.

BTW...I wish I had taken my own advice.

You did the right thing. If you kicked his butt, you might have found yourself in court charged with a hate crime. It happens. Far better to let it go.

Now focus and think hard. You describe a feeling. Rage ? Cowardliness ? Revenge ? Fear ? Something different ? All of above ?

A total stranger comes up and call you a liar and worse in front of your friends and a variety of unknown people in the room.

Why should that bother you ? Should it ? Is it prestige ? Toward you friends ? Toward yourself perhaps ?

Why did his words make you feel that way ? Think !

What would be the difference between you and another person in your situation that kept cool even on the inside ?

Your inner feelings were of course quit natural. You biological hormone system lid up for 'fight or flight'.

And, as you well know, you were the bigger man avoiding blood shed. For some reason I try to picture the scene - and keep seeing a young version of Sean Connery.. ;)

Sammy, you did the right thing because most people don't fight anymore. Most talk big, then resort to guns. Even with a good whoopin', that knothead would not have learned a lesson. That starts way back in childhood. Another thing, if the guy truly wanted a fight, he would have at least attempted to hit you. It was just words with nothing behind it.

David

I live my life by the the motto of "never through the first pounch" But when someone else throughs the first pounch then all bet asre off and I will do everything in my power to win,

You did the right thing.

Re: violence or not, I had to choose
 

I'd have asked the manager to remove the guy. What he did was chargeable as simple assault. When you point out that the establishment might be responsible if you defend yourself and are injured, they usually act to remove the trouble.

good choice. he may have been a knife carrying idiot. no sense fighting over some idiots' words.

+1

"Living well is the best revenge."

A friend of mine was in the same situation as you about a year ago except he did kick the guys butt. He is now in jail and his wife and his kids have to come and visit him every weekend in St. Cloud, MN. Imagine being 5 and 3 and seeing your dad behind bars. Be glad that you held back. It takes more of a man to hold back then it does to show how tough you are by kickin' butt!!

A lesson that applies to individuals and governments.

Now lets all follow sammy's example of self-restraint and not jump into a fight cause some guy throws a political slam in an non-political thread. I'll be Sammy and not respond.

Words are meaningless, actions are whar counts. I've turned those situations around, where the ahole ends up buying me a drink. You did the intelligent thing, let the useless emotions go.

I would've just shot him so I could finish my beer in peace.

Re: violence or not, I had to choose
 

unless you work out you'll run out of steam within a minute of muscling with a kid. Then you have to make sure witnesses see him throw the 1st punch and then you have to keep the party rolling as that you're only defending yourself. Routine bar fighting techniques is a loser with kids imo. Somebody good could lay him out without anyone seeing him get hit him with a fist.

sometimes the mind can function as youth but the body can't.

I'm a terrible example. I've gotten worse in my old age, if anything. I'm 47 and I'll walk up to a bunch of *****bags drinking beer and pissing on trees and ask them where they live so I can go to their houses and piss on their front door. I get so furious at certain things that reason goes out the window.

I was raised in a state full of Scandinavians at a time when littering in front of the wrong person will cost you dental work. It's a major cultural divide sometimes in L.A.

Got off track there; sounds like you did real well, Sammy. You did not let him intimidate you or show fear, and acted in a legal, adult manner. Nothing to regret.

Best thing to have done is embarrass him by asking how much power did HIS Blown/Injected drag boat make??

Since he MUST have been an expert let him tell you why it is so. People like that quickly drown in their own stupidity by trying to rationalize/reason with their point of view, especially when many others are close by.

I've done this and it works.........make the dumb-@ss hang himself in front of a crowd on his own words. He'll be laughed out of the place

I'm happy not to be visiting you in Jail or sending checks to the "Free Sammy" legal defense fund. Good job for keeping your cool - and good job for picking friends that helped you keep calm.

Sammy,

Quite often, doing the right thing is the most difficult thing to do. For instance, I've got a perfect reply to a particular person's jackass-tic response in this thread, and it's killing me to not type it, but I refuse to. This thread is about you.

Ya done good, kid! :D

Randy

All voters for kicking the guys @ss will be (or have been) banned:D

There are still a few states AFAIK where dueling is allowed....

You showed great restraint and maturity Sammy. Way to go.

A mature move. Beating the dude up would have done neither of you any good.

Re: violence or not, I had to choose
 

You done good, Sammy!
:)

Your wife and kids thank you for doing the right thing. Just let it go, I know easier said than done but.................
Some people just deserve an a$$ whipping, and those people, in the end, get one. It doesn't have to be you who gives it.
I have a bad temper (mellowing with age) and I get mad quickly, I am lucky, I get over it quickly. My family keeps a short lead on me! :)

You certainly made the right choice. As someone else said, it's not always the easy choice. With our current laws you could have easily been charged with a hate crime, and even if you were vindicated you would still have a local reputation as a racist.

I have only been in one fight in my life, but found myself in your spot several times. What you have posted here, along with talking to someone (your pastor is a great choice) is a great way to get it out of your system. Keep telling yourself that it was the right choice, for both you and your family.

Thanks guys, your posts are helping. I woke up this morning thinking about it and what I might do if I ever come across this guy again but I'm not as fired up as I was before.

I'm going to stay away from that place for a few weeks until I get my head straight and can trust myself to do the right thing again just in case I run into him.

Of course if he or anyone else came after me I would have to defend myself but I'll do what it takes to avoid that within reason. I won't hide from bad situations but I'll try to prepare myself to handle them the right way.
One thing I was thinking about last night was, how would I act if my two children were watching? That was a hard one.

I'm going to talk to my pastor after the 9:30 service. He's really a great guy and mostly the reason we became members there.

Hey cracker a$$, ;) You did the right thing. He wasnt worth the trouble I think and your a bigger man. When we were younger maybe but as we get older we mellow out a bit more, at least I did. Get a heavy bag if you need to hit something...cost a lot less;)

One thing that hasn't been discussed here is you must have BIG balls to drag race a blown/injected BOAT, let alone have the knowledge to maintain it with 40% load.

You're da MAN!!

Sounds to me like that guy brought up something painful in you and you fought it with anger and rage. Totally normal, had that happen to me last week. A guy at work bullied me in a certain way and it brought up years of bad memories of dealing with my father. So ofcourse I turned homicidal for a few days, broke a few things, etc. But a few phone calls, a lot of contemplation, a little bit of writing, and a few days of cooling off and I doubt it will ever bother me again.

Its probably not so much _what_ the guy said as much as it was _how_ you heard it. Use this as an opporitunity to figure out what makes you angry, you'll probably feel a lot better when you do.