Need advice... issues with inlaws

notfarnow · 01-31-2007, 09:43 AM

Bit of an awkward situation. Last year my wife asked me if her 24 yr old sister could live with us for a year. She had been living with her mom, who is a world class narcissist, but had to move out due to the non-stop chaos and fights. She was saving for school, so couldn't really afford an apartment. I was hesitant, because she is a bit flakey and not very considerate, and I suspected it meant her boyfriend would be over all the time too.

So, we said yes and laid down some basic rules. It was a "room and board" situation, not roommates. Her boyfriend was welcome to come by on occasion, but would not be living with us.

Well, within a couple weeks it was sour. She would run the dryer for a pair of socks. Leave the heat at 80* with windows open. Her boyfriend was over every night. I'd go to get in the shower and the bathroom would be busy because they had gotten up late. They would park in front of the garage every day. It was a non-stop PITA. If we brought anything up, she would get defensive and sometimes cry.

After a while we got things down to a low boil, but it was like living with a friggin teenager. Not cool. A couple times we had sit downs with her, she'd storm out and say she was getting an apartment. I'd say "cool, you can borrow my truck", but wifey and her sister would smooth things out. By spring, we were going to boot her out, but she got accepted to a Pharmacy program 200 miles away.

Well, now she wants to move back for the summer. Wifey feels bad because they are very close, and her sister would be all alone for the summer if she stayed where she is. I said no way, she was horrible to live with and I don't care to go through that again.

Am I being a hard ass?

I already know the first two questions you are going to ask. #1, yes. #2, NO!

legion · 01-31-2007, 09:47 AM

Stand your ground.

Your wife may be upset, but the stress of having her there could do much bigger damage to your marriage.

dd74 · 01-31-2007, 09:48 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by notfarnow

Am I being a hard ass?

Not at all. I think you've been very conciliatory. But after all you have recounted, enough is enough. Plus, it sounds like you are no longer being considered in this ongoing drama. Is it not your house (where the floors are freezing

) ?

VINMAN · 01-31-2007, 09:50 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by notfarnow
I already know the first two questions you are going to ask. #1, yes. #2, NO!

#3 Does she have hot friends over?

MotoSook · 01-31-2007, 09:51 AM

Simple..let the sis stay for the summer, then make a move on her..she'll never want to live there again..and if she does..BONUS!

notfarnow · 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by legion
Stand your ground.

Your wife may be upset, but the stress of having her there could do much bigger damage to your marriage.

Agreed. When her sister lived with us, wifey and I faught WAY more than we ever did.

Quote:

Originally posted by dd74
Not at all. I think you've been very conciliatory. But after all you have recounted, enough is enough. Plus, it sounds like you are no longer being considered in this ongoing drama. Is it not your house (where the floors are freezing ) ?

Ya, if things had ended differently I think I'd feel differently. The last two months were spent counting days. She's a really nice girl and I would (and have) gone out of my way for her... loaned cash, fixed her car etc etc... but she is awful to live with.

Who runs the dryer for a pair of socks?!?!

Rikao4 · 01-31-2007, 09:56 AM

after all that..
are you insane..

Rika

notfarnow · 01-31-2007, 09:57 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by VINMAN
#3 Does she have hot friends over?

Yes, she did. Which was cool sometimes... but other times I'd come home and cringe to find them drinking my booze and marching around on my hardwood floors with highheels or boots on.

Quote:

Originally posted by VINMAN
#Simple..let the sis stay for the summer, then make a move on her..she'll never want to live there again..and if she does..BONUS!

Naw, she'd snitch me out for sure. Not that I ever thought about it... err... ahhh

MotoSook · 01-31-2007, 09:59 AM

Your wife said be nice to the sis, didn't she? Men are stupid...and we do as we're told..so you were only being nice to her when you crawled in bed with her.

VINMAN · 01-31-2007, 10:00 AM

My first wife asked if her neice could stay with us for a few months after her parents tossed her on her ass. I reluctenly agreed. It was cool at first, but after a few weeks she started getting on my nerves. when I approached my wife about it she became real standoffish and started with the "well, if it was your sisters kid" crap. Finally when I got to my boiling point, I told it was her or me. Thats when she called her brother up to come and pick her up.

VINMAN · 01-31-2007, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Souk
Your wife said be nice to the sis, didn't she? Men are stupid...and we do as we're told..so you were only being nice to her when you crawled in bed with her.

LMAO

legion · 01-31-2007, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by notfarnow
When her sister lived with us, wifey and I faught WAY more than we ever did.

That your big selling point, IMO.

Don't say anything about the sister: "Remember what it did to *us* when she was around?"

stomachmonkey · 01-31-2007, 10:05 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by legion
That your big selling point, IMO.

Don't say anything about the sister: "Remember what it did to *us* when she was around?"

Correct. This is about you and your wife and you life.

notfarnow · 01-31-2007, 10:08 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by legion

Don't say anything about the sister: "Remember what it did to *us* when she was around?"

Bingo... that makes so much sense.

Last night I was just arguing what a pain her sister had been, and wifey got upset and defensive. I think I'll have way more success if I focus on how much it made us fight.

Nostril Cheese · 01-31-2007, 10:09 AM

NO, get rid of her asap..

artplumber · 01-31-2007, 10:11 AM

If your wife doesn't see what difficulties it is causing your household, then you should at least get her to agree to rent and penalties for breakage/damage etc.

This is one of those times when the new family (yours) needs to trump the old family (your wife's).

pwd72s · 01-31-2007, 10:12 AM

Maybe a little white lie? Tell your wife that her sis made a move on you? That should do it...

legion · 01-31-2007, 10:16 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by pwd72s
Maybe a little white lie? Tell your wife that her sis made a move on you? That should do it...

No way. That will backfire. Sis will say that it was really the other way around. I wouldn't touch that with a 10-foot pole. It's an unpredictable Pandora's Box.

berettafan · 01-31-2007, 10:18 AM

Tell her the only people you put up in your home are A: your children and B: people you are banging.

As sis is neither she is not welcome.

I would have no problem with 'me or her' ultimatum. Life is too short to put up with two crazy *****es (and you can bet wifey will be one eventually if sis is around to taint things).

Rikao4 · 01-31-2007, 10:18 AM

Send your wife to visit the sister, she is concerned..send her.
That way the little 24 yr old has a sitter.
Rika