Relaxing= drinking? Kinda long
 

Ok, so on the heels of the smoking thread, here is a question for you all:

I am having a stressful time at work right now. I am wound up pretty tight about the situation. It's a huge addition to my coverage area. It will be a good thing when completed.

Would a glass of wine to relax at night be hypocritical?

The reason I ask is that I really don't drink alcohol and neither does my wife.

My Dad took to the bottle after my older brother was killed in a car crash at 17, back in 1975. He was always there for us but I resented him for a lot of years because of the beer. We always got along and we never had anything to regret before he passed away 3 years ago. He was basically a working alcoholic. Never missed work and came home every night.

My wife's Father is an alcoholic, a good one at that. I have nothing against people enjoying a beer after a long day or whatever. I just don't want to become my Dad in that way.

Maybe I'm just nuts but my wife and even my boss said I need to find a way to relax at home. He drinks like a fish, so he says.

I feel like such a dork because of this. I know that I NEED to relax but I'm afraid that if I start with one beer after work it will beocme a problem.

So, back to my question. Would having a glass of wine with dinner be going against what I believe?

beer, percocet, or the naughty thing lubemaster is always talking about. ;)

A glass of wine has a mildly calming effect. It's just a drug, but a pleasant one. It is when you start leaning on it that it becomes a problem. Your question has very little to do with the glass of wine and everything to do with you. Does your family have a history of alcoholism or are you Irish (joke)? Do you have an addictive personality? Do you 'want' booze? Would you have a tendency to drink alone?

I find that I never drink to excess at home. A beer or two or a glass of hard liquor (one pour of scotch or bourbon usually takes me 1-2 hours to drink). However, socially, I noticed recently I was getting more and more out of control in the last year or two. I've got a pretty active bunch of coworkers and we socialize a lot. Started noticing I was usually the "life of the party" and completely blotto. Got logical about it and started challenging myself to drink only 8 beers...then 6...then 4...works fine. What I really found is that I just like having a glass in my hand (I'm always drinking - every waking hour - a soft drink or water during the day). So when the bartender was filling my glass with water instead of Jameson and beer, it didn't bother me one way or the other.

The point of my tiresome personal anecdote is that you need to know yourself - and be able to objectively evaluate your own behavior - to stay in control.

Damnit...now I'm raiding the fridge for a Sam Adams...got all thirsty writing that post. Just one, I promise...

Dave, that's what I was trying to say. I have been down that road before. (I played in a rock band for many years. Trust me, I've had a few beers in my 40 years.)

I'm not into the social thing or going out much. We pretty much stay home except for family functions and PCA events. I'm actually German and I think some Polish.
Man, I hope this isn't the start of a midlife crisis. I already have the sports car and my wife won't let me have a young girlfriend.;)

I was having a beer a night (sometimes three) and maybe up to six a night on weekends.

About a month ago I cut back to maybe three a week, maybe none, and I feel much better.

I had a stressful situation at work two years ago and I took to hitting the bottle every night to calm myself. It worked, but I also put on 20 pounds. Over the long term...I found myself dealing with work less well. Now, I'm feel prepared and motivated for work, I've dropped 20 pounds, and I feel generally better...and I've taken up smoking my pipe every night. ;)

In college, I didn't drink much, but I did smoke up every single day...

Have a good scotch on the rocks in the evening. A nice two finger pour and I can mellow out nicely. Try differant brands, move on to single malts. Or get into wine. What I am suggesting is treat it like a hobby. learn as much as you can and have fun....one drink at time, in moderation.

On average, we have a bottle or two of wine a week. But it's rarely taken to "reduce stress". I'm already pretty low key as it is. I consider wine a part of a meal like some people think about salt.

That being said, if you are at all concerned, then look for alternatives. Consider working out. That's what I do when I'm stressed or feeling down. And it balances out all that wine...

Okay, if I'm really stressed I have a single malt Scotch. But never to erase memories or incapacitate myself.

Some can handle it, some cant. If you use it to escape reality rather than the occasional "lets get ****ed up!" then you shouldnt be drinking.

I wouldn't take up drinking for stress relief. That seems unhealthy.

What about exercise, a run or bike ride or visit to the gym? Or drive the P-car, there should be an auto-X most weekends. More sex?

I don't know if I am in a position to be giving anyone advice about drinking.....

Know thy self.

Rich family history of booze hounds on my fathers side. I drink, typically only wine, and only on weekends. When I was in my late 20s, I started to become aware that my drinking was excessive. I never crashed my car, never lost a job, never did anything that I terribly regret, but.....still. There was voice in my head that said it was to much.

Over the past 5+ years I have restricted my drinking. I think it is telling that I have had to make a concious decision to do so.

Do what you like, but I think you can find better ways to relax. Last night, after a crappy first day back at work after vacation, I needed to relax. A brutal 20+ miles bike ride with stops for pushups and leg lifts seemed to do the trick. By the time my head hit the pillow at 10pm, I was 'relaxed' :)

Sorry for the life story.

PS. The wife can also help you 'relax' (nudge, nudge, wink, wink).

How about a motorcycle? That can be relaxing...

Oh second thought, let me buy you the first bottle......:D

My wife and I have a glass of wine every night with dinner. Maybe once a week or so we'll have a second glass. It does help us relax, but that is not the main reason we drink it.

There are plenty of other ways to relax after work. You could beat the kids, kick the dog, etc. Be creative with your relaxation. ;)

If you want to relax after a hard stressful day find something else that relaxes you. DON'T turn to the bottle to relax. If you want a drink now and again that's fine but don't turn it into something that could turn into a crutch. Because over time you may convince yourself that you CAN'T relax unless you have a drink. Then you may have a problem.

Sure I drink once in a while and my favorite drink is Capitan and Diet Coke. I really like it, but when I have a drink or two or a few for that matter they are usually done after the kids go to bed. But I don't use it to help me relax, I do it cause it tastes good.

Here's a few ideas to help you relax:
1)When you leave work, stop thinking about it. Leave it at work. When I get home I always say my day was fine and leave it at that cause that stresses me out again just re-capping with the wife.

2)Take the long way home and listen to your favorite CD or no music at all. After having kids, I've really enjoyed the quietness of the car on the way home on some days.

3)Pick up a hobby that relaxes you. I used to do woodworking in the evening time after the kids went to bed. Now I work on the P-cars. But this winter I might get back into it. How about model cars?

Thanks Bill.

Every ride home is the long way lately. Unfortunately, in my position, I need to be thinking ahead and am called on to solve problems at any time. Amanda kind of knows the stress of my job as she was a customer until we had Sarah. You know what, I found that helping the guys on Pelican with problems is actually relaxing.

Thanks guys, I am not going to start drinking anything.

Seriously, conversing here has been helpful. My wife has been extremely supportive of me as well. She is an awesome wife and mother, friend, etc.

Alcoholism runs in your family, and both you and your wife are genetically at risk. Drinking to relieve stress is the first step down the slippery slope. Don't go there. If you don't become an alcoholic, you're wife may. Or your kids.

Nothin' wrong with it at all.

Fear of alcohol is as irrational as abuse of it. A little bit of anything ain't going to hurt you (in fact there are plenty of studies out there to indicate it might actually be beneficial).

Enjoy a glass now and again, or a tall frosty one. Or whatever.

Life's short and this ain't no dress rehearsal - live as well as you can.

It does sound harmless to have a glass of wine with dinner. Some medical experts say a little red wine is healthy. Like all mind altering drugs, if a little of this makes things a little better, will a lot makes things a lot better? It is a slippery slope and I agree that you and your wife are predisposed to become alcoholics given your family history.

I drank like a fish every night during the 80's decade. I worked with a bunch of hard working party animals and we were working 60+ hrs a week and closing bars every night. I should be a recovering alcoholic, but when I left that job, the drinking just stopped because I rarely ever drank alone and I still don't. I didn't have any withdrawals or anything like I did when I quit smoking. There was never any alcoholics in our immediate family, so I do believe that heredity plays a role in alcoholism.

I've always enjoyed golf and tennis even though I suck at both. Good exercise that can be fun and relieve stresses... or maybe cause some if you take it too serious. :)

Some folks can just drop it, others cannot.

The hobby idea is an excellent one, particularly if your job is providing a lot of pressure. So is exercise. Anyting to allow you to mentally "change the subject".

I have nothing against alcohol, but as some here know, my 1st wife (now deceased) was an alcoholic. It started slowly, and over time became worse until there was irreversable brain damage (She died of an aneurism after 18 years of "clean and sober").