How I learned to mind my own business:

[Dantilla]

How I learned to mind my own business:

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day,
And all the patients were shouting, '13....13....13.'

The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a
Little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see
What was going on.....

Somebody poked me in the eye with a stick!

Then they all started shouting '14....14....14'...

[VINMAN]

Good one!!

[nostatic]

Contractor is walking through a house renovation with the owner. They are talking interior paint colors, and first go to the kitchen. The owner says, "I'd like this a light green color." The contractor scribbles something on his pad, walks to the open window and yells, "green up!" The owner smiles and they continue upstairs. They walk to the master bedroom and the owner says, "I was thinking a nice light blue for this." The contractor walks to the window, looks out, and yells, "green up!" The owner now is a little confused, but they continue to the den and the owner says, "I would like this to be a light tan color." The contractor walks to the window, looks out and yells, "green up!"

At this point the owner feels the need to speak up. "Listen, for each room I've picked out a different color, but you keep telling your workers to send green. Are you ignoring me?"

The contractor replies, "no, I'm writing down the colors. I've just got a bunch of Pelicans installing the new sod in the yard."

[The Gaijin]

Originally Posted by Dantilla

Then they all started shouting '14....14....14'...

THAT is funny!

[DARISC]

Mother Superior put her young nuns to work painting her office, sternly warning them that they'd better NOT get any paint on their habits, then left on a trip.

One nun convinces the others they should lock the door, put their habits in the closet and paint in the nude, which they proceed to do.

Shortly, there's a knock on the door and the nuns freeze in fright. "Who is it?" one timidly asks. A male voice replies "It's the blind man". The nuns breathe a sigh of relief, look at one another and decide it's OK to let him in, so they unlock the door.

In walks the man and says "Whoa, nice tits girls! Where ya want me ta hang these blinds?"

[sammyg2]

A guy was driving along and got a blow-out.
He jacked up the car and removed the old wheel and placed the lug nuts in the hub cap for safe keeping. While wrestling the spare tire onto the hub he knocked the hub cap and the lug nuts rolled down the embankment into the fast-flowing creek that ran alongside the road.

He started cursing and complaining, thinking he was stuck. he said out loud "how the heck and I going to get home now?"

He looked around to see if there was some place to call for help and then he noticed a man watching him from the other side if a tall fence. He looked some more and saw the sign on the front of the building, he had pulled over in front of a psychiatric institution (nut house).

He tried not to make eye contact with the patient who had been watching him, when the patient said: "why don't you just take one lug nut off of each of the other three wheels and use them to hold the spare on long enough to get home?"

The guy with the flat tire said "wow, that's a good idea. what are you doing in there?"
The patient said "I may be crazy but I'm not an idiot".