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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Kansas City, Missouri
Posts: 190
Good advice. I'm going through the same thing. My wife of 4 years decided that she was in love with her friend's husband, who also happens to be my next door neighbor. It gets more Jerry Springer from there, but it's a long story. So with our daughter 1 1/2 years old, she moves out and files. Does the court care about what she did? No, they only care that I make 6x the money she does (now that she finally got a job after not working most of the time we were married), and I am expected to pay accordingly. No 'maintenance' required due to the relatively short marriage, but the child support I'll be paying will basically double her income.

One thing I've learned is that the child support and asset division calculations are basically set in stone and not worth arguing about. Doing so will only make your attorneys rich(er). Focus on the kids, and document the time that you spend with them during the separation. Consult an attorney to get an estimate of the child support amount that you will be required to pay, and start paying it voluntarily as soon as you are separated. This shows that you have the best interest of the kids in mind and may help when the visitation schedule is set up. Also, she'll get back child support anyway.

Your friend is in for it. This is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. Make sure you are there for him.
Old 10-07-2006, 07:10 AM
  Pelican Parts Catalog | Tech Articles | Promos & Specials    Reply With Quote #21 (permalink)
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It's official. They're done. Once he's over the shock he's going to be much happier. The kids will be another story.
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Old 10-13-2006, 02:17 PM
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Your mileage may vary but here's my advice from someone who has been there.
1. Hire the best attorney in town. Period. A good one is well worth the extra money x10.
2. if the ex has anger issues (as mine did) forget mediation. It will be a waste of time.
3. Try to keep your sanity through it all. My x tried to get to me through every way she could, including our son. Never say or do anything that you may regret later. When all is said and done you (or your friend) has to live with it. Be true to your values and beliefs.
4. Even though I decided to give my x everything I had at the time of our breakup, financially I was better off 6 months later than I had been before the divorce.
Old 10-13-2006, 05:20 PM
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step 1. Tell the spouse .. "It's OK, Lets work this out with therapy whatever"
Step 2. Next morning, go down to the courthouse and get a restraining order stating that said spouse threatened harm to children, and your friend.
Step 3. Have Local Poice show up ..

In the end the other spouse will go through hell and have to give up ANYTHING that would be obtained in a divorce just to be able to see the children ...

Happened to my sister.
She had to spend $80 for one hour (supervised) visits with her daughter, because they were told she was a homicidal crazy woman. She ended giving up the house and was thrown out with what clothes she had on, and no matter how many court judgements said that her ex had to give her personnal belongings, they were never enforced because she was the "bad guy" .....

In the end it all came out that it was BS, but it was just swept under the rug.

She now has 50% costody but in reality is 80% and has regained her life back due to our family along the way...

By the way, my sister had a great attorney, and he had a 1-800-divorce attorney and I think he was coached in EXACTLY what to do and when.

She got ZERO (except for some very small $$) and 50% custody.

something to thing about, or watch out for.
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Old 10-14-2006, 12:48 AM
  Pelican Parts Catalog | Tech Articles | Promos & Specials    Reply With Quote #24 (permalink)
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Damn, don.

so sorry for your sister.

I don't get it. I honestly could not live with myself taking what wasn't earned.

My ex and I (no kids) went 50-50, worked it all out on our own. He probably did better, he got the Harley and I got the car. I helped him get another car though...

man, I don't understand greed.
Old 10-14-2006, 02:19 AM
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P.A.S.

parental alienation syndrome..... its sucks...
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Old 10-14-2006, 02:38 AM
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P.A.S. is out there. after 8 years my relationship with my younger one has finally come full circle. things are great again after he has matured and realized mom still has a drug/alcohol issue. i was told by a ton of people this would occur and by god it did. i didnt have to lift a finger except bide my time. that was tough, but im glad i didnt pull any stunts i would regret. right now hes testing the waters to see if he can move in with me. i realized what he was fishing for and out of the blue mentioned if you wanna move back in its fine. mom has flipped now that she found out we are hanging together and has threatened to take his car back and cancel his insurance. this is 8 years after the fact. in hindsight i should have gone for full custody back after her AGG/DUI and drug possession charges and saved myself and my kids alot of problems w/school etc. but i didnt trying to be a nice guy.

the ultimate cut to a woman no matter how much of a drunk or druggie they are, is to be deemed by courts as a "UNFIT MOTHER". even though they have no daily interaction w/kids w/exception of yell at them and then pass out on couch. funny how that works. they dont give a damn about nothing except getting high/drunk all day/night, and when a spouse goes for full custody due to their problem they FLIP!
Old 10-14-2006, 03:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by cool_chick
man, I don't understand greed.
Is it greed or the desire to stick it to the ex?

Marriage is like landlording. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, it's really bad.
Old 10-14-2006, 05:05 AM
  Pelican Parts Catalog | Tech Articles | Promos & Specials    Reply With Quote #28 (permalink)
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