Fun with Telemarketers
 

Hey, do you guys ever mess with telemarketers when they call? This guy did it right.

http://www.edandelisa.com/misc/telemarketer.mp3

Yes, thats a bit better than I expected.

We no longer get Telemarketing calls:

http://att.sbc.com/gen/general?pid=3965

Nearly busted my gut. I have heard a bunch of these in the past, but this guy is just too convincing. I just wish I could do these things.

I say, "Hold on a second, there's someone at the door. I'll be right back!"

I put them on hold and the kids make predictions on how long the "hold" light will keep flashing. Good fun.

I just had one today - it is always some mag looking to renew my free sub.

So, I was having some real spicy Asian lunch at me desk - the kind that makes your nose drip. The phone rings and some chick from India wants to speck to me. I had a mouth full of spicey chicken and caught a good hit from some red-bullet-from-hell pepper. While she was in mind sentence I let out a "Lawd haf mercy! Thats some sort hot!" in my best rural black southern accent. She began to laugh. I went on to tell her that I was just a window washer having lunch at this mans desk. The man (me) was kind enough to always buy me spicy chicken on Mondays if I was to wash his windows for him.

"...cuz mista Holloway, he be a good man! A richous man. He feed me my spicy chicken on mondaze if Iz go an wasup hiz windose some - takes me all of an hour but mista Holloway he lets me sit at his big desk and haf my spicy chicken. Lawd haf mercy Iz just bit into anudder dem lil red-bullets-from hell peppers. MMmmm, MMMmmm, Mmmmm dat make a mans nose run and throut burn it does but Iz luvs it I do, Mmm MMmm,..."

The conversation must have lasted 10 minutes. The women still tried to get a mag to me! So, now Earl Rufus Jones of Oaklawn Texas is gonna get a free copy of Product Design and Development. Poor women could understand why ol Earl didn't haf no fax.

"Sir, what is your e-mail address?"

"E-mail? Iz gots no e-mail computor. Man can get a virus from one of does and lawd only knows I don't need no virusez - I can't be held up in bed with one of dem virusez! Iz gots to work! And on mondaze mistsa Holloway he buys me my spicey chicken if Iz wash his windas!"

ok, that was funny. Especially the, "hey get the LIttleton PD on the phone and tell them we've got a robbery homicide over here..."

I used to do a variation on what Moses does. I say, "oh crap I really want to talk to you, hold on just a second." Then I put the phone down and go about my business. About every minute or two I pick up the phone and say, "don't go away, I'm almost done here."

I think once one of them stayed on for almost 10 minutes. They got to hear the TV in the background. Since I went on the no-call list though, I don't get any calls any more :(

I once told a telemarketer I couldn't talk right now as I was cutting up the body..................they didn't call back.

Yeah, my wife put us on the no-call list and took away some of my fun.

No call does not stop some people. Getting their name snd company ID and sending it to the authorities (copy to them) and you will never hear from them again. Of course, the politicos exempted themselves. If I get a copy from party "A" I inform them that every call I get from them reduces the number of candidates of their party by one that I will vote for. No more calls.

There is a telemarketing firm here in town that hires gruff-sounding males and is contracted by the fraternal order of police to do their fundraising. They are relentless. They use the car saleman's close: "Do you care about the safety of your family?" (Yes) "Great, then your $200 donation will be greatly appreciated."

Sick of these guys calling up to 3 times a night, for about two weeks on end, I finally said: "I'm involved with a lawsuit against the state police, and I don't feel that donating to them would help my cause." The calls stopped and I haven't gotten one since.

***

In high school, my best friend would often call pretending to be a lawyer, a pizza delivery guy--whatever. It was a gag he pulled frequently, pretending to be someone else. We would BS each other until one of us started laughing.

So I get a call from someone who sounds suspiciously like my friend: "Hello Christopher, this is Sargeant Patrick with the Marine Corps, have you given thought to your plans after high school?"

Me: "Actually I have, I have seriously been contemplating suicide."

Guy on phone: "I don't think you're Marine material son." (Click.)

Me: WTF?

I call my best friend, I say: "That was a great gag Josh, why'd you hang up?"

Josh: "What are you talking about?"

Me: "You just called me didn't you?"

And then it hit me. He didn't call me. I just told a recruiter I was suicidal. I felt bad. I have all the respect in the world for the military and I didn't mean any disrespect.

Sounds like "Walter Sobchak" from "The Big Lebowski"!!! Funny!

Why talk to them when when Sgt. Hartman can. :D

I keep this in my favorites at work and hit the telephone solicitors with it. They either get pissed and hang up or laugh really hard and hang up.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jacket1.html

Back in my school days.
I used to star with...What are you wearing? That is nice, tell me, what color are you eyes? I love XxX eyes, tell me about your hair... I bet you look very pretty...what color undies are you wearing today? ohhh naughty.

That is usually as far as i get. Guys hang up faster than girls for some reason.


oh ****, that link just worked for me, that is hilarious got to try it sometime :)

Anymore I just cut them off in mid-sentence & ask them to put me on their do not call list. Occasionally I used to ask them if I could get their number so I could call them back, then ask them if it was their home number. When they said no, I would ask them for it. After they explained why they couldn't give me their home number, I would ask them "why the f*ck are you bothering me at home then".

Tom Mabe is my hero, and has been for awhile now.

http://www.tommabe.com